Please support doing the right thing needed

Old 11-09-2011, 05:14 PM
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Please support doing the right thing needed

So my AH was laid off today. I knew in my heart this would happen soon. I do feel sorry he lost his job but I cannot make his difficulty my difficulty. He has worked steady for 1.5 years now. Each month he cleared $6000. I only saw about $4000. Where did the $2000 a month go...on drugs. I feel for his financial predicament but I can't be there to bail him out. He could of had $34,000 in the bank if he was responsible and saved. Instead he wasted it on drugs. So whatever happens to him happens to him. I also learned his PCP is on to his drug addiction and plans on discharging him from the practice. Maybe he is beginning to reach his bottom? I am working on me and that is all that matters. I finished Codependent No More. Going to read it again. Especially now. I am not being cold am I?
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:09 PM
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Cold?

Your behavior sounds mature and rational to me.
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:25 PM
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No way, you are not being cold, you are thinking with your head not your heart, this is good!
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:34 PM
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Cold? I don't think so. I think you're doing great at working on YOU.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:51 PM
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Thank you all. I feel bad for the choices he made but I can't have those bad choices be a part of my life any longer. Knowing his manipulative self he will use this situation to try to move back home but I will not allow it. He already tried to move our conversation in that direction. When I cut him off saying OUR relationship has not changed due to you be laid off from work he hung up on me. Oh well.
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Old 11-10-2011, 12:01 AM
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I don't think it's cold at all. It's smart.
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:02 AM
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Good for you! You are not allowing your decisions to be manipulated by your AH. It is never cold or selfish to work on you.
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:12 AM
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Hanging up works both ways. I learned if my alcoholic x or my Father was rude to me on the phone...i could calmly say...I won't talk to you when you are behaving this way...we can try another time. And then I would.....CLICK. I also learned Never to take a hot call. Let them leave a message and when I was in a place of peace and strength...then I could CHOOSE to call them back or not.
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:21 AM
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Originally Posted by familydestroyed View Post

He already tried to move our conversation in that direction. When I cut him off saying OUR relationship has not changed due to you be laid off from work he hung up on me. Oh well.
I suspect round 2 of mapipulation will be coming to a phone near you in the not too distant future. Maybe it's best you don't take his calls. The VMs from hell-o will likely betray his motives.
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:41 AM
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Thanks. I appreciate all your advice. Please keep it coming. Lord knows I will need it.
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:52 AM
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There are plenty of responsible mature adults who don't drink/use, and still end up losing their jobs every day.

I'm one of those. My last day at the job was November 5th, despite being told beforehand there was the possibility of "temp to hire", which was a ruse to get all the temp workers possible to clean up the mess in that department, then cut us all loose.

I don't want anyone to feel "sorry" for me. It is what it is, and life often isn't fair. I'll keep putting one foot in front of the other, and doing the next right thing.

I see you getting stuck on this "feeling sorry" for him thing more than once.

Allow him the dignity to make his own choices and live his own life, regardless of what is dished out to him. He's an adult.
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Old 11-10-2011, 09:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Freedom1990 View Post
Allow him the dignity to make his own choices and live his own life, regardless of what is dished out to him. He's an adult.
Very wise and true statement. I don't think I have done that ever if at all. Well, he always made his own choices I just always picked up the crumbs.
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