ADO

Hi all, this is my first post, and I am at such a breakdown point. My sister in law is the addict. She lives with their parents, and they are such denial they have let her old boyfriend move in after she got out of another recovery center. Just recently she has started stealing stuff from them again, so I know it is progressing to a worse stage already. My husband won't take it seriously, he won' even talk to me about it and get's mad at me when I bring it up. To be honest, I wouldn't care if he wanted to go over there to see his sister and parents, but he takes our two year old son with him. Because of sister in law's actions she is no longer allowed at our house and I had to call the cops the last time she was over becasue she is so out of control when she is using or drinking. The 2 AM phone calls from her asking us to pick her up have stopped because she knows that I am onto her, and I have logically shown my husband that he is an enabler for her and that is the only reason she calls or wants to come over. I have specifically asked him not to do so, but he gets angry and says that they are his family and have every right to see our son. I put my foot down, and he hadn't tried to go over there until this weekend. Sister in law "went to detox for 3 days" and then calle dmy husband to see if he wanted to come over and party for "getting out of detox". He wanted to go, and since I work all weekend he had to take our son if he wanted to. So he went, without tellig me and his excuse when he got back was that she had been sober for 3 days andher boyfriend wasn't there anymore. I don't know what to do. I am afraid for my son, and I am afriad that my husband will be pulled into her mayhem again. Any suggestions will be heaven sent. Thank you for your time!

outtolunch

His family has no rights when it comes to your son. It's obvious you and your husband have very different perspectives of what is and is not appropriate for children.

Time for a boundary.

" I will not allow my child to be exposed to alcoholics, addicts, adult parties and associated chaos" is a responsible boundary.

Enforcing this boundary means if it's crossed you remove the child from the situation. And yeah, this could mean you and your child move out, unless dad is willing to do so. Your son's future well being depends on you being the responsible parent.

hope213

under no condition would i allow my son over there. i understand you & i also would not allow her in my house especially if i were not home. you can not trust an addict which i see you know. it is time to lay the laws down to your husband. maybe u can find a face tro face meeting & maybe he will go with you. talking to some one outside the family may help. keep coming back. i am glad u found us.

steve1840

it seems your husband needs to be education about addiction. he may just see this as some sort of partying but clearly it is more than that. when i discovered my alo's addiction i tried talking to her brother and mom about it and they pretty much brushed it off as her just getting something out of her system. her mother now feels very bad for not taking it seriously at first and her brother shifted from its ok to do a little bit of hard drugs to having this self-righteous attitude about addiction.

you are exactly right saying he can be pulled into her mayhem again, because we enablers and codies get pulled all the way in. it is good that you are seeing this for what it is. i hope that he can open his eyes to this and take it seriously. my gf has fallen as far asa young woman can fall, and if he doesnt want this for his sister he needs to not cushion her fall. it doesnt help.
an addict serious about getting clean doesnt party to celebrate getting out of detox. wow. i'm not straight-laced but that boggles my mind. and it is unfortunate that your husband cannot see an issue with this.

it took me a long time to get to and understand naranon, but now that i have things are changing for me.

hopeful0323

[QUOTE=ADO;3161423]then calle dmy husband to see if he wanted to come over and party for "getting out of detox". QUOTE]


I have never heard of anyone throwing themselves "a getting out of detox party". You have every right to protect your child and if the grandparents want to see their grandchild, they can come to you.