What to Do- Herion Addict Brother
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1
What to Do- Herion Addict Brother
Hi all,
To make a long story short. My 27 year old brother has been a heroin addict for 5 years. Started when he hurt his back badly at the end of high school and was prescribed tons of pain medication..when the doctor started to ween him off he eventually started the heroin addiction. He has severe ADHD and has always been socially awkward...his "friends" would always ditch him and he has never really had a girlfriend. Our family is pretty well to do and when we learned of his addiction my parents forked out tons of dough for an inpatient rehab. Since then he has been to rehab 4 more times, jail 3 times and homeless. He was recently in jail and was ordered to a court mandated rehab program..he was kicked out today and now there will be a warrant out for his arrest for not completing the program (he was kicked out bc he has no motivation, negative and not participating) After talking to him on the phone a few times while he was in jail, he said he was planning on getting kicked out of rehab so he could be free for a few days (to do drugs) before the cops find him. He has also spoke of wanting to end his life cause he has nothing and is beyond hopeless.
He is now out of rehab within the next hour. He has no home, friends, phone, money...all he has really is me and my mom. My mom is an enabler and she knows it. When he calls she will probably pick him up by him a meal and give him a few bucks. She told me she wouldn't, but well see..
When he calls me...what should I do? What is the best thing to do? He says I am the only person he has. I do not enable. I will not give him money, or transportation. But he needs something, someone to talk to or something.
What is the best things for me to say to him in this situation? How do you impose hope in someone you know truly has nothing. He has two felonies, his dad hates him, he is homeless, about to go to prison. He isn't the same person. I need some sort of advice. After so many years of this and knowing how lost and utterly depressed he is, what can I do...I fear he will try and overdose before being found by the cops.
Please. Anybody
To make a long story short. My 27 year old brother has been a heroin addict for 5 years. Started when he hurt his back badly at the end of high school and was prescribed tons of pain medication..when the doctor started to ween him off he eventually started the heroin addiction. He has severe ADHD and has always been socially awkward...his "friends" would always ditch him and he has never really had a girlfriend. Our family is pretty well to do and when we learned of his addiction my parents forked out tons of dough for an inpatient rehab. Since then he has been to rehab 4 more times, jail 3 times and homeless. He was recently in jail and was ordered to a court mandated rehab program..he was kicked out today and now there will be a warrant out for his arrest for not completing the program (he was kicked out bc he has no motivation, negative and not participating) After talking to him on the phone a few times while he was in jail, he said he was planning on getting kicked out of rehab so he could be free for a few days (to do drugs) before the cops find him. He has also spoke of wanting to end his life cause he has nothing and is beyond hopeless.
He is now out of rehab within the next hour. He has no home, friends, phone, money...all he has really is me and my mom. My mom is an enabler and she knows it. When he calls she will probably pick him up by him a meal and give him a few bucks. She told me she wouldn't, but well see..
When he calls me...what should I do? What is the best thing to do? He says I am the only person he has. I do not enable. I will not give him money, or transportation. But he needs something, someone to talk to or something.
What is the best things for me to say to him in this situation? How do you impose hope in someone you know truly has nothing. He has two felonies, his dad hates him, he is homeless, about to go to prison. He isn't the same person. I need some sort of advice. After so many years of this and knowing how lost and utterly depressed he is, what can I do...I fear he will try and overdose before being found by the cops.
Please. Anybody
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
hi amy-
a am sorry you have this addiction in your family. i hear some of the things you are saying as i have some similarities. my addicted love on is a girlfriend (or so i convince myself) and as it is i am the only one in her life right now from this side of the fence.
other people will post who will be able to share their experience, and they are all great folks. i know that feeling of reaching out and at least wanted to say hi.
a am sorry you have this addiction in your family. i hear some of the things you are saying as i have some similarities. my addicted love on is a girlfriend (or so i convince myself) and as it is i am the only one in her life right now from this side of the fence.
other people will post who will be able to share their experience, and they are all great folks. i know that feeling of reaching out and at least wanted to say hi.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
This is his problem to resolve not yours. He does have someone, himself...the ONLY person that can get him clean and straight. His bad choices are why he is going on the street, nothing you say or do will force him into recovery or keep him out of prison.
If it were me, I'd not answer his calls, I would let him roll.
As for your fears, you are awfulizing and projecting, doing that is non productive, it accomplishes or changes nothing. The only thing you are doing is upsetting yourself.
Prison may be the answer, I do not know, he will have 3 hots and a cot. All I know is that
he must fall to his knees before he can get back up and seek recovery.
I know that you are in pain and I am sorry. However I would suggest this....:codiepolice
If it were me, I'd not answer his calls, I would let him roll.
As for your fears, you are awfulizing and projecting, doing that is non productive, it accomplishes or changes nothing. The only thing you are doing is upsetting yourself.
Prison may be the answer, I do not know, he will have 3 hots and a cot. All I know is that
he must fall to his knees before he can get back up and seek recovery.
I know that you are in pain and I am sorry. However I would suggest this....:codiepolice
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Amy,
Welcome, tho of course we are sorry anyone has to come here. for that means their lives are miserable. I can imagine how upset you are, for your brother.
Prison may not be such a bad thing for him. Sounds like he has probably heard all about the things he needs to do to get his life in order. He needs to be on his knees, I agree. It may be that nothing has hurt enough to make him want to change.
you have to take care of yourself, and see this for what it is. that he is making really poor choices, and making his life a mess. He has the key, but if he gets bailed out of his troubles, he may not feel the need to change.
It is hard to say this, and hard to hear, but being made to serve time for the felonies might be just what he needs. Sounds like nothing else has made him want better. Maybe they will treat his adhd. He really needs that wake up call.
I hope that things work out for the best. There is not much that you can do other than let him know that you love him. His attitude might change in prison, tho it sounds terrible, it is better than od'ing on drugs.
hugs
chicory
Welcome, tho of course we are sorry anyone has to come here. for that means their lives are miserable. I can imagine how upset you are, for your brother.
Prison may not be such a bad thing for him. Sounds like he has probably heard all about the things he needs to do to get his life in order. He needs to be on his knees, I agree. It may be that nothing has hurt enough to make him want to change.
you have to take care of yourself, and see this for what it is. that he is making really poor choices, and making his life a mess. He has the key, but if he gets bailed out of his troubles, he may not feel the need to change.
It is hard to say this, and hard to hear, but being made to serve time for the felonies might be just what he needs. Sounds like nothing else has made him want better. Maybe they will treat his adhd. He really needs that wake up call.
I hope that things work out for the best. There is not much that you can do other than let him know that you love him. His attitude might change in prison, tho it sounds terrible, it is better than od'ing on drugs.
hugs
chicory
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
I am from Chicago & the police will probably not be actively searching for him. Of course if he goes back to the drug spots he might get picked up. Sadly, if he want to use he will get the money even if your mom doesn't give him any. I guess just tell him you love him and hate what drugs has done to him. I have known a few addicts over the years who chose a prison stay over the rehab route. The court ordered rehabs are very strict and if a addict doesn't want to stop it is a waste of time. They will kick you out in a second. Rest assured that he probably wont receive much prison time due to the massive overcrowding of the CookCounty court system.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
I am another Chicagolander, on the Lake/Cook border and agree that it's unlikely he will be picked up based on outstanding warrants.
Heroin was my daughter's drug of choice, too. Eventually, everyone she knew into it had either died or went to prison. One 19 year old girl had just returned home after 5 months in rehab and died that same evening-OD. No one knows with any certainty if this was her intent or just a too common consequence of every day heroin roulette.
My sense of things at the time was that my daughter was homeless and knew she was going to have to hit the streets alone to sustain the addiction and this may have caused her to hit her own bottom. She used the tools she learned in multiple rehabs and pulled herself out of it.
It is impossible to predict someone's bottom and it's usually deeper than most of us could imagine. The thing is, it's his bottom and it's going to be his choices alone that determine the outcome. It seems to me that most who eventually embrace recovery 150% do so, because they know it's life or death.
The same can be said for us codependents. Detaching with love is a survival decision that usually happens once we finally accept that we did not cause it, we don't control it and cannot cure it. It, addicition, is out of our hands.
Nothing more humbling than accepting our own powerlessness
over someone else's choices.
Heroin was my daughter's drug of choice, too. Eventually, everyone she knew into it had either died or went to prison. One 19 year old girl had just returned home after 5 months in rehab and died that same evening-OD. No one knows with any certainty if this was her intent or just a too common consequence of every day heroin roulette.
My sense of things at the time was that my daughter was homeless and knew she was going to have to hit the streets alone to sustain the addiction and this may have caused her to hit her own bottom. She used the tools she learned in multiple rehabs and pulled herself out of it.
It is impossible to predict someone's bottom and it's usually deeper than most of us could imagine. The thing is, it's his bottom and it's going to be his choices alone that determine the outcome. It seems to me that most who eventually embrace recovery 150% do so, because they know it's life or death.
The same can be said for us codependents. Detaching with love is a survival decision that usually happens once we finally accept that we did not cause it, we don't control it and cannot cure it. It, addicition, is out of our hands.
Nothing more humbling than accepting our own powerlessness
over someone else's choices.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
Hi, Sweetie,
Sadly, the teeny tiny bit of warmth, or influence, you have over your bro is not what he needs to get well. You simply cannot inject a syringe of hope; it doesn't work that way.
What can you say?
You can tell him you love him, and that you wish him well. You can tell him that when (not if) he decides to get on the road to recovery, you will be there for him, cheering him on, supporting him in his efforts, and loving him. In the meantime, as far as I'm concerned, he is dead to you. He is not a living being in this state. Trying to have a relationship with someone so immersed in his addiction, is a study in frustration and heartache.
Peace to you...
Sadly, the teeny tiny bit of warmth, or influence, you have over your bro is not what he needs to get well. You simply cannot inject a syringe of hope; it doesn't work that way.
What can you say?
You can tell him you love him, and that you wish him well. You can tell him that when (not if) he decides to get on the road to recovery, you will be there for him, cheering him on, supporting him in his efforts, and loving him. In the meantime, as far as I'm concerned, he is dead to you. He is not a living being in this state. Trying to have a relationship with someone so immersed in his addiction, is a study in frustration and heartache.
Peace to you...
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