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Guilt trigger

Old 10-31-2011, 11:57 AM
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Guilt trigger

My father called today and asked me what we had heard from my son. I told him I haven't seen him in three weeks. I told him my son had called twice asking for his heavy bag and boxing gloves and we made an arrangement to meet him...and both times my son did a no call, no show. My Dad said that that wasn't good that he wasn't keeping in touch with us because that means he feels unwanted. That was the guilt trigger.

But in reality, we don't want him around right now. He is using and dealing drugs and chose to leave. He has not made any attempts to pay us back for wrecking my husband's truck. And yes...before all the chaos went down, my husband told him....if you want to live the lifestyle you are living that is up to you but you will have to find another place to live. Althoughh when it came down to it, my son chose to leave.

Now I wonder if he does feel unwanted. This makes me feel sorry for him, I hate that he may feel that way. But does he not realize that the way he was being while living here is the result of us not wanting him here? Does he not see his part?

My Dad also said that he thought we were doing the right thing and that I had a right to be happy. And my husband is protective of my welfare. When I get going on my son, I fall apart. So I can understand my husband not wanting my AS around...he fears he will lose me to a mental breakdown.

My father is not a professional, nor has he ever lived through what we are going through. Must I feelg guilty or worry that my son 'may' feel unwanted? How does one overcome a trigger like this? I was told not to contact my son and he does not contact me...unless he wants to get some pawn item of his from the house.

Perhaps I should call him and tell him I love him? And see how he is doing...my sponsor told me...don't trouble trouble unless trouble troubles you.
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Old 10-31-2011, 12:32 PM
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Exactly right anvil. My mo for calling him would be to relieve my guilt and try to make him feel loved. Because I don't want him to hurt, because that makes me hurt. I want to be happy. But to be honest with you. I don't know how to love. I thought I did...but love seems to be much different than I thought it was. I want to learn. My hula hoop is working on the realization that I need to learn to love myself first...but how does one go about doing that when they don't know who they they are? Who am I? An assortment of beliefs brought on by society, family, religion, other people's perceptions...and if I could shred all that...what is in the core of me? Who am I?
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Old 10-31-2011, 02:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Windblown View Post

My Dad said that that wasn't good that he wasn't keeping in touch with us because that means he feels unwanted. That was the guilt trigger.
Addiction has been freeloading, lying, stealing, exposing you to danger and destroying your property. By golly, addiction is no longer welcome or tolerated in your home.

The son enslaved by addiction knows you love him. Addiction don't care. Addiction's only goal is to sustain itself. Get in its way and it will destroy any and all in its path.

I am sorry. Your dad does not understand addiction. If love could cure it, none of us would be here.

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Put this monkey back where it belongs.
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Old 10-31-2011, 02:20 PM
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Right on Baby!
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Old 10-31-2011, 02:28 PM
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It's only your dad's opinion of why a family member wouldn't stay in touch. Maybe that's what your dad has seen from other family members or what he's done himself in the past
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Old 10-31-2011, 02:54 PM
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well said outtolunch!!!!
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Old 10-31-2011, 03:55 PM
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Got it Anvil...my hula hoop's a trailor trash pink with a white swirl...and I dig it just fine...long as i'm wiggling alone inside...can't take on another rider.

Like the visual metaphor...you arty soul poet guy!
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