I've been doing the wrong thing a lot lately :-(
 

A close (non addict) family member on my husband's side recently died, when we went to the viewing guess who's there? So, while I was occupied on the other side of the room my addict SIL and BIL start talking to the kids - and my husband did not stop them. I was livid, but charging across the room under these circumstances to intervene, and making a scene was not something I wanted to deal with at a viewing/funeral so I let it go. I should have known better and I began paying for my bad judgement with interest, it felt like I stepped backwards a great deal in compromising at this funeral.

After the viewing, the kids asked me point blank why I do not believe that their uncle is off drugs - I said it was because he lies, then I reminded them of the boy who cried wolf. The kids said that he hasn't lied to them, I told them that he surely will lie because that's what he does. Sure enough, the next day they caught him in a lie. Another lesson for my kids.

This is where it gets really ugly for me. I learned (from my husband) that my BIL allegedly stole a ton of medicine from a grieving elderly family member and was preparing the drugs for sale on the street. I called the cops and told them everything I knew, anonymously. I know that I should have stayed out of this, I lost control...

I know that no contact means no contact, no gossip, no nothing. I know my serenity depends on firm boundaries. My husband continues to let his family discuss the addicts with him. I have tried to stop my husband from talking about the addicts to me but he gets very hurt, so I let him talk. It ends now, since I have laid down a boundary for my husband, we will not discuss the addicted siblings any more. Thanks for letting me share.

There was a time when I felt a need to control all those around me, addict and non-addict. I felt if they would just listen to me things would be better.

What I found was that I spun out a lot, that I could not possibly control that which was not mine to control...anyone else but me.

I learned to take good care of myself. I learned to let others find their own way, make their own mistakes and learn from them. I learned to live and let live, live and let God, and stay out of other people's issues.

There is an analogy often used here about our hula hoops. If I imagine a hula hoop around me, anything outside that hoop is not mine to control.

Just for today I will focus on staying within my hula hoop and let the world find its own way.

Hugs

Amen.