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Hi, new here and feel at home already :)

Old 10-27-2011, 09:02 PM
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Hi, new here and feel at home already :)

Hello, I have been on the site reading many posts for the last few weeks. I am very new to this whole blogging/forum thing. You see, my 21 year old son (AS) has been on heroin for about 2 years. He was in jail for the last 4 months as he stole almost every piece of gold/precious metal from our home and when the last straw about 5 months ago when he took the family PS3 from the living room and hid his dirty work with a monopoly JR. game under a towel (how original huh?), long story short, after many enabling encounters, where I thought I would be able to "help" him, it came clear that he didn't want any help from me. In that moment of my absolute fear for his life and anger at the drug, I called the police. All I wanted at that moment was to get back my stuff, but the system took over. He was given 90 mandatory days in jail, with the option of serving the remaining time of his 365 days in custody in a rehab. By the time he was finally arrested/turned himself in, he had nothing to his name but a hand me down pair of jeans and a sweatshirt because his car broke down (which he apparently was living in when we kicked him out) and all of his belongings were in there. Even at that time, he called me for help! I told him he had to handle that on his own, since the betrayal was so fresh in my heart, mind I was in no position to want to or felt the need to do anything for him. During his time in jail, I supported him as best as I knew how, with emails and letters but no visits. He did NOT want me to see him in jail. Long story shorter, he was finally released into a state residential rehab on Monday 10-24. I am very relieved that he is in a place where hopefully he chooses help. I also realize that I am part of the problem. I have been a professional enabler for my entire life. I now see how that has NOT helped any of the issues going on. I took a lot of comfort in all of the posts on this site, and wanted to thank everyone. You don't know how good it feels to validate that I did the right thing. Now it is entirely up to him. I am resisting every day/hour my strong suit, which is to "FIX IT" for him. I look forward to hearing his progress if he chooses to share when his "blackout" period is over and done. To top it off, my Mom is battling Lung cancer, and she is my only ally in this horrible time in my life. I really love my son "JJ" hence my sign on name. I will share and learn from others who have "walked the mile" before me. Thank you all and it is so wonderful to know there are sites like this that really speak to the issues and devastation of loving an addict. I also will admit, I am a former addict when I was young, did crystal, pot, LSD , the works back in the synthetic 80's and relapsed in the early 2000's with some "friends" who never grew out of it. As an addict, I think I was more lenient and did NOT understand how heroin is so so addicting. I thought my son would learn his lesson. Now I see that the lesson will be learned the hard way, and I pray to HP that he can learn. It is the hardest thing in the world to handle, but I am beginning to accept the things I cannot change, and courage to change the things I can. Thank you to everyone again.
TT
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Old 10-27-2011, 10:43 PM
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Welcome,

Thanks for sharing. We can walk this walk together, we all need support.
It sounds like you have a good grasp on the disease, and know the steps. I guess from mostly having dealt with it for many years, and possibly working the program.

Sorry you are here but glad you found us.
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Old 10-28-2011, 07:56 AM
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Just wanted to say how much I admire your strength to get the Police involved as it related to the stealing. Family is a primary target for theft because we are far less likely to call the Police because we get this notion that we don't want to ruin their lives. Somehow we lose sight of how their choices are the only thing ruining their own lives.

There is nothing you can do that will keep him clean or cause him to relapse. You are not that powerful. None of us are. Detach from his recovery. No money. No gifts. No cute cards/notes. Give him the gift of dignity to own it.
It's his only shot at recovery.
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Old 10-28-2011, 08:47 AM
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Thank you, calling the police was the last straw AFTER the second time he has lived with us, stolen and I had to recover everything in 2010. He has been in/out of our lives for the last 24 months, whenever he crashed/burned we would take him back. I hated calling the police, but if I hadn't done that, I fear I would have already buried my son. I deal with the guilt /sorrow daily. Somehow I still believe that he will rise out of the ashes. My nature is a positive one, so I dont like to look at negative scenarios. A lot of my issues are of control and selfishness. This is our oldest son, letting go is very hard.
Thanks again for the good thoughts and support.
TT
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Old 10-28-2011, 01:09 PM
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Ann
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Welcome. There are several "double winners' here like yourself, people who have lived both sides of addiction. I'm glad you joined us.

My son is an addict too, who has been in and out of the revolving door of addiction/recovery for most of his adult life. He has been missing for many years now, lost in his addiction somewhere, but for many years before that I was you, the mama enabler who thought I could save him.

Take a read around and know that the mamas here all understand because we've been where you are. I learned that nothing I did or didn't do could save my son, that only he could do that when and if he was ready, But I could save myself and I did, finally reaching out like you and in the end I found my balance again and reclaimed my life.

I hope your son does well at this rehab and chooses a better path when he is released.

Hugs
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Old 10-28-2011, 02:52 PM
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Hi Ann, thank you for the support. It sucks being in these shoes. When I used, I never got this bad. I got sick and tired of the lifestyle long before it took over my very being. It is so inconceivable that my son who was a star football player in high school and very very successful with his friends, school and what not is now a felon and heroin addict.
The rose colored glasses were so much easier, but not healthier for sure.
I am sorry to hear about your son, it is sooo hard not knowing. Thanks again for the kind words. This site is a Godsend to me and I am sure everyone else living through this.

TT
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Old 10-28-2011, 07:20 PM
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Welcome from another mother here.

You and your son are in my prayers today.

gentle hugs
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Old 10-29-2011, 02:48 PM
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I am the mother of an AD. In the past, she was a heroin addict. Now, her drugs of choice are prescription drugs.

You are not alone.

I am praying for you and your son today.
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Old 10-30-2011, 03:48 AM
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welcome- you have come to a supportive, caring commuity - although it hurts when our children push the limits of our understanding it is comforting to know that we have a place to come to where people understand what we are dealing with - you are a strong and loving mother
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