Greetings and my story..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Pueblo Colorado
Posts: 10
Greetings and my story..
I have been lurking over here for months contemplating and reading so many stories similar to my own.
This last April I met a girl and fell madly in love almost immediately, the first month we were almost inseparable. it was heaven she was beautiful, smart and driven. She mentioned that she was a "former drug user" and that it was all behind her. About 30 days into this new relationship we were out one night and she became totally lethargic almost suddenly, falling asleep at the table and even standing up. I knew something was horribly wrong and I immediately ended the relationship as I have never been around anything like this.
After a few days of talking she said she had a script for Xanax and that she was stressed and took some that evening. I stressed to her that I wasnt up for anything like this and it couldnt happen again. After a short time things returned to being good again. About another month into it she came over after work totally out of it. I was so upset and hurt that I had been lied to and snowed. I again ended the relationship and the most horrible week of my whole life went by with awful things said to each other. I was reading posts here and I knew I had to stay away from her but I missed her so much that I agreed to talk to her. She finally admitted that she was an Opiate addict and occasional Xanax abuser (snorts both).
We talked alot over the next couple of days and weeks and she said she didnt want this life forever. I was so hopeful with what I heard from her. We talked about all of our dreams and wanting to be together forever and Marry each other. I knew from reading here that there was nothing I could do about this situation it was up to her.
In July I asked her to move in, I knew she was still actively using but hoped she would see how good a normal healthy life could be. Throughout the period from July to Yesterday I found myself always wondering and even obsessing to the point that I lost all trust for her and always wondered if I was being told the truth. About 1 month ago she came home and said she was sick of leading a double life, tired of hurting everyone and lying to everyone. I never pressured her to make a decision to quit. I was so happy and hopeful. She said shed consider NA. She was already in a court ordered program but I knew she didnt take it serious and probably was never honest in her groups. As she was still going and actively using.
We had a wedding date set for this fall (really soon actually) and I was going crazy inside full of anxiety about what I was about to do (I have my 3 little ones 3 days a week also). Last week I tried to talk to her about it all I was feeling but like most times she became defensive and angry. Always turning it around that it was my issue.
I knew right then I couldnt take another day of this frenzy and I texted her a long message and ended the engagement and relationship not because of her but for my sanity. She came home and we talked it out and agreed we loved each other way too much to let this die.
This last Friday she came home after work and said she needed to pick up her kids from a youth event and 4 hours later she called me from Jail, she supposedly was arrested on an unpaid ticket.
Again I found myself out of control with worry and anxiety. leaving out some details here I suspect another man now also. With all of the lies and inconsistencies there is no way to "know" anything at this point.
Yesterday afternoon I asked for my engagement ring back and gave her one chance to come clean. She refused, calling me out asking "what do you think you know?" This obviously was her way of controlling what she would explain or make up another B#llSh*t story to appease me.
So its over, 7 months of my highest and lowest points of my life. I didnt this for me as I know there are healthy girls out there a know and there is a healthy peaceful worry free life out these if I chose it.
My options as I saw them Yesterday
Stay in and worry, wonder and probably go crazy
Leave and hurt for a while but be free and have another opportunity to chose somebody healthy.
I know Ive done the right thing for me but its so so hard.
This was a brief summary as so much has happened.
Thoughts?
This last April I met a girl and fell madly in love almost immediately, the first month we were almost inseparable. it was heaven she was beautiful, smart and driven. She mentioned that she was a "former drug user" and that it was all behind her. About 30 days into this new relationship we were out one night and she became totally lethargic almost suddenly, falling asleep at the table and even standing up. I knew something was horribly wrong and I immediately ended the relationship as I have never been around anything like this.
After a few days of talking she said she had a script for Xanax and that she was stressed and took some that evening. I stressed to her that I wasnt up for anything like this and it couldnt happen again. After a short time things returned to being good again. About another month into it she came over after work totally out of it. I was so upset and hurt that I had been lied to and snowed. I again ended the relationship and the most horrible week of my whole life went by with awful things said to each other. I was reading posts here and I knew I had to stay away from her but I missed her so much that I agreed to talk to her. She finally admitted that she was an Opiate addict and occasional Xanax abuser (snorts both).
We talked alot over the next couple of days and weeks and she said she didnt want this life forever. I was so hopeful with what I heard from her. We talked about all of our dreams and wanting to be together forever and Marry each other. I knew from reading here that there was nothing I could do about this situation it was up to her.
In July I asked her to move in, I knew she was still actively using but hoped she would see how good a normal healthy life could be. Throughout the period from July to Yesterday I found myself always wondering and even obsessing to the point that I lost all trust for her and always wondered if I was being told the truth. About 1 month ago she came home and said she was sick of leading a double life, tired of hurting everyone and lying to everyone. I never pressured her to make a decision to quit. I was so happy and hopeful. She said shed consider NA. She was already in a court ordered program but I knew she didnt take it serious and probably was never honest in her groups. As she was still going and actively using.
We had a wedding date set for this fall (really soon actually) and I was going crazy inside full of anxiety about what I was about to do (I have my 3 little ones 3 days a week also). Last week I tried to talk to her about it all I was feeling but like most times she became defensive and angry. Always turning it around that it was my issue.
I knew right then I couldnt take another day of this frenzy and I texted her a long message and ended the engagement and relationship not because of her but for my sanity. She came home and we talked it out and agreed we loved each other way too much to let this die.
This last Friday she came home after work and said she needed to pick up her kids from a youth event and 4 hours later she called me from Jail, she supposedly was arrested on an unpaid ticket.
Again I found myself out of control with worry and anxiety. leaving out some details here I suspect another man now also. With all of the lies and inconsistencies there is no way to "know" anything at this point.
Yesterday afternoon I asked for my engagement ring back and gave her one chance to come clean. She refused, calling me out asking "what do you think you know?" This obviously was her way of controlling what she would explain or make up another B#llSh*t story to appease me.
So its over, 7 months of my highest and lowest points of my life. I didnt this for me as I know there are healthy girls out there a know and there is a healthy peaceful worry free life out these if I chose it.
My options as I saw them Yesterday
Stay in and worry, wonder and probably go crazy
Leave and hurt for a while but be free and have another opportunity to chose somebody healthy.
I know Ive done the right thing for me but its so so hard.
This was a brief summary as so much has happened.
Thoughts?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 184
Wow.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. But you're like that part in the matrix where Neo leans back and dodges all those bullets that come dangerously close.
You reclaimed your own life. I hope you don't second guess yourself. There is someone AMAZING waiting for you. Typically right when you stop trying to find her, you bump into her. That's what happened to me. "Let go and let God" as they say here.
Bravo.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. But you're like that part in the matrix where Neo leans back and dodges all those bullets that come dangerously close.
You reclaimed your own life. I hope you don't second guess yourself. There is someone AMAZING waiting for you. Typically right when you stop trying to find her, you bump into her. That's what happened to me. "Let go and let God" as they say here.
Bravo.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Pueblo Colorado
Posts: 10
Love the Neo Expression! I know what I did was right but Id lie if I said it was easy. I cant go backwards now. This really isnt my problem and I know that. I do however kick myself for allowing this to happen to me.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Don't kick yourself too hard ChsgME. Its really not your fault that it happened, but we start to share ownership when we allow it to continue.
Ending the relationship was a very diffucult thing to do, so you should be proud of yourself for recognizing what needed to be done and having the courage to do it.
I wish you bright and happy roads ahead
Ending the relationship was a very diffucult thing to do, so you should be proud of yourself for recognizing what needed to be done and having the courage to do it.
I wish you bright and happy roads ahead
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR....this a great forum with so many who have loved or still love someone who is addicted. We understand the anxiety, pain, fear, anguish that goes along with it.
Sometimes doing what we know is best is the hardest thing to do.
Someone like you deserves to have someone who is fully engaged in the relationship. It is said that drug addicts don't have relationships, they take hostages.
gentle hugs
ke
Sometimes doing what we know is best is the hardest thing to do.
Someone like you deserves to have someone who is fully engaged in the relationship. It is said that drug addicts don't have relationships, they take hostages.
gentle hugs
ke
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Be proud of yourself, marrying this women would be pure h@ll. She is a drug addict, who has been manipulating you, that is what they do, it is their mantra.
For your well being, move forward with your life, there is no future with her.
Take some time to read the stickies at the top of this forum, and, keep posting we are here for you.
For your well being, move forward with your life, there is no future with her.
Take some time to read the stickies at the top of this forum, and, keep posting we are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
life with an addict is hell i do not care who u r .. my addict is my son. i tell u to run but u will do as u want. do not expect her to change for u. she will not. she has to hit a bottom. find a meeting to go to & learn all u can on how to take care of your self. this is a long, hard road with an addict. the road for my son has been 20yrs & he is still on it.prayers,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Pueblo Colorado
Posts: 10
she is moving her stuff tomorrow, still a little sad but I realize I have a chance now to start new without all the drama and chaos......need some pep along the way but there is no other option.
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