hopeful0323

Well I thought I was doing good in working my program and recovery, until yesterday. Long story short, AXBF did something stupid (not that unusual for him). And my reaction, was going back to my old ways of lying and covering for him. I did end up telling the "real" story to his family members but still lied at first!!! His stepfather was really upset with me and now I feel horrible. I know that I did something wrong and should feel badly. I just feel like a bad person. I have decided that being in contact at all with AXBF is completely TOXIC for me, he brings out the worst in me. I just feel like a horrible person, I am typically a very honest person and yet again I let the addict influence my behavior. So disappointed in myself.

yoursmalena

What I can say. Just stop thinking negative about yourself. That would not really be helpful. Who never did anything wrong?

Kindeyes

Recovery is not about berating ourselves for lapses in judgement or behaviors. Recovery is about recognizing when our behaviors are inappropriate and making corrections. You did that.

Was the behavior bad? Yes. Does that make the person bad? No.

The difference between the "me" of today vs the "me" of yesterday is recognizing and acknowledging when I lapse into unhealthy behaviors. "In the day" I would behave ( speaking, acting, reacting and thinking) inappropriately and think I was doing "the right thing"!

When we know better, we do better. One day at a time.

gentle hugs
ke

hopeful0323

I think part of the reason I feel so badly is that AXBF's stepfather was extremely upset set with me to the point of telling me that they just got rid of one liar(AXBF), they don't need another. Again I think I am letting someone's opinion of me effect me way too much.

dollydo

Ok, you made a mistake, recovery from codependency is a work in progress, not perfection.

I can understand the stepfathers upset, lies create so much pain. You apologized, now move forward and don't repeat the mistake, learn from the experience.

Left, right, left, right....moving in the right direction.

Don't beat yourself over the head, that accomplishes nothing.

outtolunch

Well maybe being held accountable for your role in this was the wake up call you needed. You have acknowledged it and seem ready to learn from this mistake. Nothing more is necessary.

Does not sound like anything good can come of contact with X.

PaperDolls

Sounds to me you got a great opportunity for growth here. Take the lesson and move on.

You're human. You will make mistakes. It's ok. You don't need to beat yourself up.

hopeful0323

So I went to a well needed alanon meeting last night. And the topic... progress not perfection. Thank you HP!!

Windblown

Yeah that's what I was going to say...Progress...not Perfection.
Sounds like Step-Dad has some issues of his own to work out too...everyone gets affected by this disease.

Today is a new day! Today is all I have. I'm going to do the best I can. i will enjoy Today!