becky1982

I just found out my husband is an addict-oxycodone and fentanyl. I'm due to give birth in two weeks and I'm terrified. He spent over $15,000, money we really needed. He stole from me and even our daughters piggy bank, he got arrested with crack and pills. He abandoned me emotional and financiallly for so long, but I thought it was depression and the economy (he owns his own business). He has been going through terrible withdrawals for a week now, he says he wants to be clean and start over. I feel so betrayed, but I am trying to move forward and save my family, I'm trying to be strong, but I feel so tired, confused. How will I know if he is using again? He was very good at hiding it. I have cut him off from the finances and he will go to OP rehab. What do I do next? I'm worried about how the stress has affected the baby and desparately need peace.

hopeful0323

When I was about 2 days away from my scheduled c-section with my daughter, who is now 18 months old. I found a prescription bottle of percocets in my home. AXBF gave some BS excuse as to who's it was and I stupidly believed him. I wish I could turn back time and have put an end to it then. It would have saved me financial ruin, losing a lot of personal belongings and heartache. I felt at the time though, how could I do anything about it when I was about to have his baby in 2 days!! Hugs and prayers for you!

Chino

Becky, do you have any support close to you? Family, friends? Is there anywhere you can go for peace and quiet, or somewhere else your husband can go?

Your husband's physical withdrawals might have peaked by now, but that was just the start. He'll be dealing with PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) for at least a few months. Unless he is the exception the rule, he's not going to be much help to you at all. Please don't count on him and reach out to everyone possible.

dollydo

Welcome, I am sorry that you have found yourself in this situation.

If I were you I'd read up on addiction, this is a chronic disease that has no cure, he will always be an addict, it is just a matter of whether he is using or not. If he does not embrace a strong recovery program, his chances of getting and staying clean are slim and none.

On top of that, your children have now inherited the gene predisposing them to addiction. Children raised in a home of an addict also have a 50% chance of marrying a person with an addiction problem. Children carry their childhood into adulthood. They are the true victims, living with an addict will impact them adversly, they hear and see everything, although they internalize their fears. You are their future, please make them your priorty.

Read all the stickies at the top of this forum, lots of important knowledge at your fingertips.

IMO he will be useless at the birth of your baby. I too would suggest that you contact your family asking them for support and guidance.

Read others posts and keep reaching out, we are here for you.

becky1982

Thanks for replying. I have been reading the sticky notes and realized that I am a codependent without a doubt, and have been for long before this relationship. I can't imagine not having him at the birth, and imagining life without him is really hard too. I am willing to go to any length to protect my children and I know there is probably many ups and downs in my future. My family and friends have been wonderful, and I have been honest with them about everything, despite the embarrassment. However, I would like to connect with people who have been through this before. I would like to learn more about PAWS, are there posts? I'm still in disbelief at how suddenly my whole world came crashing down around me. The hurting is intense...

hello-kitty

hang in there becky. Focus on first things first. That would be having a healthy baby and taking care of the one that you have.

Healthy baby
Shelter
Food

And everything else will work itself out...

You can't control your husbands actions. He's just doing what addicts do. He's not going to change for you or the babies. If he's going to change, he'll do it because he's sick and tired of the lifestyle that he's leading. But no matter what he does, you and your kids will be fine as long as you make wise choices and put yourselves first. Trust that. It's going to be ok. Just make wise choices for your security and the stability of your children.

hope213

welcome to S.R. i am so sorry u r going thru all of this. u can not control your husband. it sounds as if he is out of control. start making a plan on how to take care of you & your babys. you have my prayers & i hope he hitas his bottom soon. hugs,

dollydo

He is at this point an active user attempting to detox. PAWS is not the issue today. Detox is only a baby step, is he going to embrace recovery by attending NA meetings and seeking a sponser? If not, detox accomplishes nothing.

99% of us here have been thru this B/4, we do understand, whether it be our wife/husband, bk/gf, son/daughter,brother/sister, mother/father, or a friend.

You have found a board of people who understand and have a wealth of experience to both support and help you.

Ultimately, what you do is up to you, make the right choices for your children.

becky1982

He went to a meeting tonight, and is going to seek out a sponser. I'm going to keep coming to the boards, work on my Co-D tendencies, and take care of myself and my daughter. He seems commited, but I won't let my guard down anytime soon. hello kitty- thanks for simplifying things for me, I need to think small right now, just get through the day.....

dollydo

That's it, one day at a time. Keep working on you, regardless of what he does.

verylost

Your baby is ok and the stress will not hurt your little one. That was the first thing my OB told me a few months back when my AH disappeared and then reappeared to announce he was a cocaine addict, ran up crazy debt and stole money. I was due to give birth in 4 weeks and I had no idea that my husband even knew where to buy drugs little on be addicted to them, anyway my AH ended up missing the birth b/c he was in rehab. I don't know what to say other than, I'm sorry, I'm in the middle of this too.

harleygirl71

Becky, i can so relate to what you are feeling. I found out approx 3 months ago that my AH was addicted to oxys and/or anything he could get his hands on. I too had to move the finances to an account that he could not touch. I found out he has shot up heorine and to top it off used a needle that he got from our AS, yeah I made him take a HIV test! I found out that he has used bathsalts and all kinds of stuff. It makes you feel crazy and you being pg has to make you feel even more stressed out. I wish I had answers to tell you but I am learning myself but I can atleast be somebody you can communicate with. I have attended a Nar-Anon meeting and honestly it does help. Do you have some close family that you can lean on?