Rehab
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 47
Rehab
Possibly some good news, although I'm wary.
Just spoke with DIL and AS.
The police have been trying to locate AS. He has apparently been involved in Break and Enters and as he is on parole for the same thing, he may be facing a potential 3 year jail sentence.
Son has decided that he needs to check himself into detox and rehab.
Preference would have been that he'd taken this step without the threat of jail as it leaves me feeling that he may be using rehab now as a means of getting out of jail, rather than a means of beating his addiction.
Really hoping he is doing it for the right reasons but not going to kid myself either.
Fingers crossed.
Just spoke with DIL and AS.
The police have been trying to locate AS. He has apparently been involved in Break and Enters and as he is on parole for the same thing, he may be facing a potential 3 year jail sentence.
Son has decided that he needs to check himself into detox and rehab.
Preference would have been that he'd taken this step without the threat of jail as it leaves me feeling that he may be using rehab now as a means of getting out of jail, rather than a means of beating his addiction.
Really hoping he is doing it for the right reasons but not going to kid myself either.
Fingers crossed.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
(((Maple)))
Is your son able to avoid jail time for his crimes, just by going to rehab? That seems odd somehow, tho I dont know the laws. seems like if he did break and entry that they could put him into jail even if he wanted to go to rehab.
anyway, rehab cant hurt, i figure. maybe he is sincere, maybe not. only he knows, and his HP. I hope that this helps your situation.
I am sorry that things are this way. it hurts to have an addict/criminal for a child.
hugs
chicory
Is your son able to avoid jail time for his crimes, just by going to rehab? That seems odd somehow, tho I dont know the laws. seems like if he did break and entry that they could put him into jail even if he wanted to go to rehab.
anyway, rehab cant hurt, i figure. maybe he is sincere, maybe not. only he knows, and his HP. I hope that this helps your situation.
I am sorry that things are this way. it hurts to have an addict/criminal for a child.
hugs
chicory
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 278
My son is an addict/criminal too. There I said it. I didn't talk to this one friend of mine for six months because she called my son an addict and I was Mama Bear...how dare she say smething like that about my son...she didn't even know him. I had to call her the other day and tell her she was right...she's been in program along time...she said she wished she had been wrong about him.
Anyway my AS is running loose...rehab seems to be far off...maybe the seed will be planted there for your son. Anything rehab/jail is better than runnin' and gunnin' I guess it is best to have no expectations. We can't know the outcome...letting go is so easy to say and so hard to do.
My son could even be dead. But I've been told not to call or text him and he doesn't call me.
I've always been real sweet to him but I did get angry when I found out he was dealing hard
drugs and had a shotgun in his trunk. I'm only freakin' human afterall.
We can't save anybody...maybe a flower or a caterpillar...ourselves...but another willfull human...forget it.
Wish I could run away from it all. i am happy than someone is oing to rehab...and I admit...I am envious when I hear of anyone's child in rehab...mine seems so far from that.
Anyway my AS is running loose...rehab seems to be far off...maybe the seed will be planted there for your son. Anything rehab/jail is better than runnin' and gunnin' I guess it is best to have no expectations. We can't know the outcome...letting go is so easy to say and so hard to do.
My son could even be dead. But I've been told not to call or text him and he doesn't call me.
I've always been real sweet to him but I did get angry when I found out he was dealing hard
drugs and had a shotgun in his trunk. I'm only freakin' human afterall.
We can't save anybody...maybe a flower or a caterpillar...ourselves...but another willfull human...forget it.
Wish I could run away from it all. i am happy than someone is oing to rehab...and I admit...I am envious when I hear of anyone's child in rehab...mine seems so far from that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 47
chicory, it does hurt. I feel a bit better today hanging on to that little bit of hope.
I don't know that he can avoid jail time. Here if you can prove your crimes are drug related they can send you to Drug Court. If you are assessed as being a suitable candidate for it the judge 'may' give an option of rehab over jail time. However if they don't see you are working effectively at rehabilitation or you don't wish to continue in rehab you will be moved back to complete your jail sentence.
He may or may not be seen as suitable for it.
Windblown, I'm the one in the family who is hell bent on drawing the line in the sand and telling others to back off from making things easy for him. I love my son with all my heart, but he is what he is. He's an addict. He admits that now as well.
Me sugarcoating it for him won't change that. I think I've been in denial long enough. The signs were there and I failed to see them. Maybe lack of experience with it but maybe I just didn't want to see it too.
I knew something wasn't right though.
Knowing I can't control his behavior is the easy part. Watching and waiting is the part that kills me. Wanting all this to be better and wanting my family whole again and knowing there is a possibility it may never be is very painful.
It's such an incredible waste of a human potential.
I have limited ability to contact my son. Only when he is with DIL. Spoke with him this morning (DIL has given him a bed and place to stay). I love him but I have to say I'm not convinced he's doing it for any reason other than fear and self preservation. I hope I'm wrong.
Be envious, when I come back in 3 or 4 years time and tell you he hasn't used for that amount of time, that he is now working and really doing something with his life.
From what I'm understanding it's not just a matter of saying 'I want to do rehab'. He's going to have to work hard at it and work hard after it's finished. He'll have a lot of lifestyle changes to make and he could fall over at any step in that process.
I'm hoping this is it, but also a realist.
I don't know that he can avoid jail time. Here if you can prove your crimes are drug related they can send you to Drug Court. If you are assessed as being a suitable candidate for it the judge 'may' give an option of rehab over jail time. However if they don't see you are working effectively at rehabilitation or you don't wish to continue in rehab you will be moved back to complete your jail sentence.
He may or may not be seen as suitable for it.
Windblown, I'm the one in the family who is hell bent on drawing the line in the sand and telling others to back off from making things easy for him. I love my son with all my heart, but he is what he is. He's an addict. He admits that now as well.
Me sugarcoating it for him won't change that. I think I've been in denial long enough. The signs were there and I failed to see them. Maybe lack of experience with it but maybe I just didn't want to see it too.
I knew something wasn't right though.
Knowing I can't control his behavior is the easy part. Watching and waiting is the part that kills me. Wanting all this to be better and wanting my family whole again and knowing there is a possibility it may never be is very painful.
It's such an incredible waste of a human potential.
I have limited ability to contact my son. Only when he is with DIL. Spoke with him this morning (DIL has given him a bed and place to stay). I love him but I have to say I'm not convinced he's doing it for any reason other than fear and self preservation. I hope I'm wrong.
Be envious, when I come back in 3 or 4 years time and tell you he hasn't used for that amount of time, that he is now working and really doing something with his life.
From what I'm understanding it's not just a matter of saying 'I want to do rehab'. He's going to have to work hard at it and work hard after it's finished. He'll have a lot of lifestyle changes to make and he could fall over at any step in that process.
I'm hoping this is it, but also a realist.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Sounds like more QUACKING to me.
See with this 'wonderful' (said sarcastically, lol) conversation you had with them, you have been drawn back into the DRAMA and are right back on the roller coaster.
I left month progress reports on my folks answering machine, and it was somewhere between 9 months and a years when my Mom finally called me to say 'congratulations, and keep up the good work.' Even then she didn't want to know the nitty-gritty, because it was MY PROBLEM.
How about you Mom (Maple) instead of being 'drawn in' just start saying the next time this conversations occurs, and it will:
"Your problem, let me know when you have fixed it".
Then change the subject. You have a LONG road ahead of you, with a lot of 'what ifs' rearing their heads along the way.
Work on preparing yourself, especially if DIL also has a problem as you might end up with the grandchild or fighting for custody for said child.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
See with this 'wonderful' (said sarcastically, lol) conversation you had with them, you have been drawn back into the DRAMA and are right back on the roller coaster.
I left month progress reports on my folks answering machine, and it was somewhere between 9 months and a years when my Mom finally called me to say 'congratulations, and keep up the good work.' Even then she didn't want to know the nitty-gritty, because it was MY PROBLEM.
How about you Mom (Maple) instead of being 'drawn in' just start saying the next time this conversations occurs, and it will:
"Your problem, let me know when you have fixed it".
Then change the subject. You have a LONG road ahead of you, with a lot of 'what ifs' rearing their heads along the way.
Work on preparing yourself, especially if DIL also has a problem as you might end up with the grandchild or fighting for custody for said child.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 47
laurie, I strongly suspect you are right on the quacking side of things. I'm not convinced by a long shot.
It wasn't a wonderful conversation either by the way. With my son it was very matter of fact. Son asked for the number I mentioned to him the other day and I gave it to him. I said I was glad he was going but hoped he was doing it for the right reasons. Not much more than that.
My conversation with DIL was a bit more indepth and in relation to the grandchildren and whether she was ok.
I hope that DIL is not using. I really do, but I'm not convinced she isn't either.
I'm very worried for the grandkids and looking at options there as well.
How accurate is testing of things like hair samples?
It wasn't a wonderful conversation either by the way. With my son it was very matter of fact. Son asked for the number I mentioned to him the other day and I gave it to him. I said I was glad he was going but hoped he was doing it for the right reasons. Not much more than that.
My conversation with DIL was a bit more indepth and in relation to the grandchildren and whether she was ok.
I hope that DIL is not using. I really do, but I'm not convinced she isn't either.
I'm very worried for the grandkids and looking at options there as well.
How accurate is testing of things like hair samples?
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Addicts manipulate, they will say what you want to hear. Very few addicts who go into rehab to avoid a jail sentence are successful in getting and/or remaining clean.
Why? Because they really do not want recovery, because they have not hit their bottom. They go through the motions and are not really embracing recovery.
I really would focus on your grandchildren, they are the true victims, the DIL and son are
both adults and are making bad choices that effect those children.
Wish for the best outcome, however, don't be surprised if it does not turn out as hoped for.
Why? Because they really do not want recovery, because they have not hit their bottom. They go through the motions and are not really embracing recovery.
I really would focus on your grandchildren, they are the true victims, the DIL and son are
both adults and are making bad choices that effect those children.
Wish for the best outcome, however, don't be surprised if it does not turn out as hoped for.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Drug testing by hair sample is very accurate. It is also still quite expensive, but in my mind well worth it. Depending on the length of the hair, is how far they can go back.
Hair grows from 1/2" to an inch a month. They cut the hair into 1/2" to 3/4" samples and test the various samples all the way down to the root.
But, again, because of costs, judges and probation/parole officers usually do not order them unless the A has been ordered to pay for them.
I have a friend here in town that is a parole officer and he orders them periodically, especially when he suspects one of his parolees. He said that his parolees who tried to get around it by shaving their heads, soon found out that they will then use underarm hair or pubic hair, and all of a sudden his 'shaved head parolees' started growing their hair again, rofl
More and more the 'courts' are figuring out that there are just too many ways to test 'clean' with a UA.
Hope that fills in some of your 'gaps', lol
Love and hugs,
Hair grows from 1/2" to an inch a month. They cut the hair into 1/2" to 3/4" samples and test the various samples all the way down to the root.
But, again, because of costs, judges and probation/parole officers usually do not order them unless the A has been ordered to pay for them.
I have a friend here in town that is a parole officer and he orders them periodically, especially when he suspects one of his parolees. He said that his parolees who tried to get around it by shaving their heads, soon found out that they will then use underarm hair or pubic hair, and all of a sudden his 'shaved head parolees' started growing their hair again, rofl
More and more the 'courts' are figuring out that there are just too many ways to test 'clean' with a UA.
Hope that fills in some of your 'gaps', lol
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Maple, my daughter went to rehab to avoid detoxing in jail from subs (opiate replacement); she had just started a recovery program. She knew the judge was going to send her to jail no matter what and so did I. She jumped bond but the bondsman ending up advocating on her behalf and testifying for her. When she was honest in the courtroom, her case was dismissed.
Regardless of the motive, she learned some vitally important things at rehab and so did I. I'll say a prayer your son also gains something positive from the experience, should he follow through.
Regardless of the motive, she learned some vitally important things at rehab and so did I. I'll say a prayer your son also gains something positive from the experience, should he follow through.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I hope he is sincere and really wants recovery, but like you I am skeptical because I've heard it all before myself.
Rehab or jail, either is probably better than some of the places he has been. And he'll learn a lot in either one of them as well.
Just the same, I'm keeping him in my prayers, that he will find a better path soon.
Hugs
Rehab or jail, either is probably better than some of the places he has been. And he'll learn a lot in either one of them as well.
Just the same, I'm keeping him in my prayers, that he will find a better path soon.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 47
I spoke with DIL and the other day and he'd made some half *ssed attempts at phone calls.
I'm through. I'm taking the advice of everyone here and walking away.
I'll love him but I'm not going to waste time and energy on supporting someone who is not interested in helping themselves.
I will get on with my life and hope that one day I get a positive phone call from him saying that he has cleaned up his act, he has been off the stuff for an extended period of time and I can trust that this is all a thing of the past.
I'm through. I'm taking the advice of everyone here and walking away.
I'll love him but I'm not going to waste time and energy on supporting someone who is not interested in helping themselves.
I will get on with my life and hope that one day I get a positive phone call from him saying that he has cleaned up his act, he has been off the stuff for an extended period of time and I can trust that this is all a thing of the past.
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