seekinganswrs

Him: AH left to go out of town on Monday and will return on Friday. It's Wednesday now and he has attended NA meetings 2 of the past 3 nights in the town he is in. He has called to let me know he is saving receipts, and deposited some cash from a job and didn't keep any of it. He has also been reading a book called "Plan B: When God doesn't show up the way you think" and the Bible. So, that is good. He has 1 week clean from when he took pills last week. I didn't ask him to save receipts, I just told him when he went out of town to do what he thinks he should do and needs to do to let his actions show his priorities.

Me: I am almost done with "Co-Dependent No More" by Beattie. I absolutely love it. I bought the workbook, but honestly have just been reading the book, and once I get through it (hopefully by tomorrow) I feel like I will be able to go back and do the activities at the end of each chapter and do the workbook on my 2nd read through.

I also attended my 1st CoDA meeting today. I felt like it couldn't get here fast enough! It's amazing that there are AA/NA meetings almost every hour of every day, and in my city there are only 3 CoDA meetings each week. I left my CoDA meeting today and went straight to an Al-Anon meeting. I am hoping to go to a CoDA meeting tomorrow, too, and then I will have gone to 2 of the 3 that are offered in my city. Hoping to go to a Nar Anon soon, but there are only 3 of those as well each week. As a typical Co-Dependent, I invited my sister to go with me, and as a typical Co-Dependent she invited her friend to come with her, and then I was about 10 minutes late and they wouldn't go in without me!!!! It's was pretty funny.

I am able to relax more with my kids and we watched a movie today. Not sure if it is just because AH is out of town or if it is my perspective changing, it's probably both. I am starting to feel and know that regardless if my AH works a recovery consistently or not, or recovers or not that I will not adapt to his behavior, but I can accept it for what it is and move on if I need, too. I feel like I have been able to look at the reality of the situation more clearly and I don't deserve what I have accepted from my AH. I don't deserve that from anyone. I do honestly hope that he is able to accomplish "Recovery" for himself more than anyone. I let him know that I will allow him to stay with me as long as he is in "Recovery" and consistently working a program and he seems genuinely concerned about me recovering as well from my "Co-Dependency" habits such as worrying, checking, counting, etc....

I know I have a long road ahead of me, and regardless of that I am dedicating myself to work the recovery program and make my relationships healthy, or I will not be in them. Thanks for the support and posts, they have been instrumental in helping me understand this cycle I have been in since I was 10 and helping me to understand that I truly do deserve better, and just because I am not in a domestic violence relationship (which I was for 3 yrs before I met my husband) that I can still be in an unhealthy relationship that can be just as damaging. Learning to love myself, or at least learning to accept that I should be treated better than I have been. Very grateful.

Kindeyes

Sounds like you are keeping very busy taking care of yourself! That's wonderful! It's tough breaking those lifelong habits and thinking patterns.

gentle hugs
ke

Anaya

I admire your strength and actions to move toward recovery.

As you mentioned Codependent No More, it brought up thoughts of when I was reading the book; that is, just how very difficult it was at the time for me to face the message of the author yet somehow quite comforting. It left me with a sense of hope that I could have peace of mind again and could start a journey along a new and more positive path.

Thanks for sharing and hang in there.