the denial is so thick
 

AH & have been separated since 1st part of June. We have come together and split apart several times during that time. He is currently back on the soapbox of going to need pain meds for life or he will be unable to work. I have heard several times that other family members who think I was over reacting to a couple pain pills a day. He has admitted the lies and hiding he has done to others but still maintains that he hid because of how I would react. I continue to insist that I reacted the way I did because of his behavior. I have tried to make him understand that it was the behavior that screamed addict to me... wouldnt matter if it was baby aspirin.He maintains he is done lying that he sees what lying did to our marriage blah blah blah. Last discussion we had on this I kept telling him that going to meetings would give him the chance to talk to others who have been thru this and could help to see his behavior thru their eyes. He tells me that his oldest daughter , 31, told him that if he went to 'those' meetings she would be so pi$$t at him.... This girl is going to school right now to become a nurse and for her to council ANYONE, let alone her father, not to pursue something that might help and if nothing else wouldnt hurt.... I am so angry right now. It is bad enough to deal with his denial and even the familys denial that he would ever let something like this happen to him but to hear this harmful advice coming from someone who is going to school to work in the health care field... I feel like someone hit me with a shovel. :a043:

He tells me that his oldest daughter , 31, told him that if he went to 'those' meetings she would be so pi$$t at him....

Is it possible she never said this? That he used her education in healthcare as endorsement for his argument against doing anything?

quack... quack... quack...


Work the recovery you wish he was working.

I had the same thought when I read this, questioning whether she truly said this. I can't imagine what reason she possibly could have given for such a comment. If she is in denial about her father's addiction, it seems possible that him going to meetings would force her to face the reality that he HAS let this happen to him! It may be easier for her to discourage him, assuming you are pushing it on him/making something out of nothing/etc, rather than be forced to face the reality of his problem. My sister told my mother at one point she wanted to go to an inpatient rehab and my mom, who for years admitted my sister was an addict, discouraged her from going! She later acknowledged that it was because she did not want to face the severity of my sister's problem and inpatient would leave her no choice but to accept how bad it was. Perhaps this could be some variation of the same. I am so sorry, and I agree with hello kitty! All you can do is work the recovery that you wish he was working.

As it relates to my own situation I eventually realized that my own denial trumped that of my daughter's. It was painfully challenging for me to cease denying how powerless I was over her and her addiction.