Suggestions on teenager using
Let go and Let God!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 352
Suggestions on teenager using
I am not sure if this is right forum or not. I have been browsing this site for a while. I will give a little background. I am over 8 years clean. I started using when I was 12 yrs old. I was in rehab twice at age 14 and at age 22. I got reconnected with a wonderful man a couple of months ago. He went back to using and went to prison for 4 years. He has been out of prison over a year now and is working the program.
He has three children, 17, 14, and 8. He called me Saturday all upset, because his ex-wife called him stating the 14 yr old is using drugs. He didn't know what to do. I offered what I knew helped me at that age. I suggested rehab or filing unruly charges against her. I also stated that what was hard for me, at that age, was returning back to school with the same group of people. He knows my story and agreed with what I said. He called his ex-wife and stated that he knew they couldn't afford rehab, but suggested she file unruly charges on the 14 yr old. The ex went crazy. She said there is no way she could ever do that to her daughter and she will handle it herself. The problem is that we think the daughter is getting the drugs from her mom. He doesn't have custody of the daughter so there isn't much he can do. He did state that he was going to talk to the daughter when she comes down next weekend.
Does anyone have any experience with this? What can we do to help this child? I know she has to hit her bottom, but she is so young. We also don't want her exposing drugs to his other kids or to my kids.
Him and I are just beside ourselves in what to do. I know what I would do if it was my child. My 13 yr old has been told that if I ever find out she is using drugs she will be pulled out of public schools and put in a private school. She would have to go through rehab and teen meetings. My boyfriend can't do that due to money and not having custody.
Sorry this is so long, but I had to get it out there.
He has three children, 17, 14, and 8. He called me Saturday all upset, because his ex-wife called him stating the 14 yr old is using drugs. He didn't know what to do. I offered what I knew helped me at that age. I suggested rehab or filing unruly charges against her. I also stated that what was hard for me, at that age, was returning back to school with the same group of people. He knows my story and agreed with what I said. He called his ex-wife and stated that he knew they couldn't afford rehab, but suggested she file unruly charges on the 14 yr old. The ex went crazy. She said there is no way she could ever do that to her daughter and she will handle it herself. The problem is that we think the daughter is getting the drugs from her mom. He doesn't have custody of the daughter so there isn't much he can do. He did state that he was going to talk to the daughter when she comes down next weekend.
Does anyone have any experience with this? What can we do to help this child? I know she has to hit her bottom, but she is so young. We also don't want her exposing drugs to his other kids or to my kids.
Him and I are just beside ourselves in what to do. I know what I would do if it was my child. My 13 yr old has been told that if I ever find out she is using drugs she will be pulled out of public schools and put in a private school. She would have to go through rehab and teen meetings. My boyfriend can't do that due to money and not having custody.
Sorry this is so long, but I had to get it out there.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Jacksonville
Posts: 59
When I worked in Social Work I worked with teens on drugs, and many different family situations. The goal was to always keep the kids in the home. I know you said he doesn't have custody or much money, but maybe before she comes in town he could get in contact with some resources/services in his area that might do drug testing or a drug assessment on her. In my area for families who didn't have insurance there was a place that would still do an assessment and test for about 60.00 ,which isn't bad.
I think some of the best things for kids is to get them involved in something they love. I always thought 'the system' had things a little backwards with their 'say no to drugs' campaign that is still so wide reaching in schools. Oftentimes these kids are in houses where their parents say yes to drugs, and it is very normal. I think helping kids find hobbies (sports, art, reading, gardening, cooking, etc....) that they love does wonders for keeping them off of drugs because they are busy doing what they love. You can't just tell kids, "Dont do drugs, or say no to drugs" you have to help cultivate something that they have a passion for, which will in turn breed love for self, and you don't find many people who truly love themselves out there using drugs. Not sure if any of this helps.
I have always been very open with my boys about drugs and the dangers associated. They have family members that have met some of those tough consequences head on and I have never hid that from them. They have an uncle who just got out of a year of rehab just to go right back, another uncle who just got out of jail because he abused his son while on drugs, and all of their dad's family in Louisiana they have not seen since 2007 because we have explained to them that until the circumstances out there get better that they can just write and talk on the phone. So, education is important, too!
Lastly, I know that because I have an AH and he comes from an AFamily that I have bathed my boys in prayer. I speak positive things about their lives and encourage them to do the same. I always tell them that they have a specific purpose and plan for their life, and it is a good plan!
Hope you find some answers, good luck and God Bless.
I think some of the best things for kids is to get them involved in something they love. I always thought 'the system' had things a little backwards with their 'say no to drugs' campaign that is still so wide reaching in schools. Oftentimes these kids are in houses where their parents say yes to drugs, and it is very normal. I think helping kids find hobbies (sports, art, reading, gardening, cooking, etc....) that they love does wonders for keeping them off of drugs because they are busy doing what they love. You can't just tell kids, "Dont do drugs, or say no to drugs" you have to help cultivate something that they have a passion for, which will in turn breed love for self, and you don't find many people who truly love themselves out there using drugs. Not sure if any of this helps.
I have always been very open with my boys about drugs and the dangers associated. They have family members that have met some of those tough consequences head on and I have never hid that from them. They have an uncle who just got out of a year of rehab just to go right back, another uncle who just got out of jail because he abused his son while on drugs, and all of their dad's family in Louisiana they have not seen since 2007 because we have explained to them that until the circumstances out there get better that they can just write and talk on the phone. So, education is important, too!
Lastly, I know that because I have an AH and he comes from an AFamily that I have bathed my boys in prayer. I speak positive things about their lives and encourage them to do the same. I always tell them that they have a specific purpose and plan for their life, and it is a good plan!
Hope you find some answers, good luck and God Bless.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I think some legal advice would be helpful so you know your options.
Also, I would be careful about leaving an active addict teen alone with another teen who doesn't use. 13 and 14 are very impressionable years.
Hugs
Also, I would be careful about leaving an active addict teen alone with another teen who doesn't use. 13 and 14 are very impressionable years.
Hugs
Let go and Let God!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 352
SeekingAnswers, thank you. My kids have are busy. I knew with them, due to my past, that they had to be involved in stuff. Out of my 4 kids, 3 are old enough to play sports and they get to choose. We also enjoy the outdoors. Maybe we can involve her more in our activities.
Ann, my 13 year old has been told that she is not allowed to be alone with the 14 yr old. She was okay with it. I know my bf was hurt by it, but I told him that I had to do what was best for my children.
Ann, my 13 year old has been told that she is not allowed to be alone with the 14 yr old. She was okay with it. I know my bf was hurt by it, but I told him that I had to do what was best for my children.
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