hopelessagain

My beloved husband relapsed this year. This addiction that has destroyed both our lives is to crack cocaine. Seemingly out of nowhere... he had a "slip", and then another. And another. And tonight... I haven't heard from him since 10pm. Each time it happens, I fear, is the time he doesn't make it home. Not only from an overdose... but from some sort of violence. The neighborhood he uses in is dangerous. The people are hardened. It is a disaster waiting to happen. A nightmare. Tonight, I am really hopeless. It has really dawned on me that we are here again... in this hell... and I can't believe it. After 9 years of him fighting it... and beating it... it's got him again. After all the work. All the prayer. All the hope. All the happiness. We were ready to start our family, finally. I am 38... maybe I don't have much time left. We were trying. And now... even more so... it all seems so impossible. So silly to have believed. To have hoped. I am scared. I am so terribly scared. And despondent. He usually eventually contacts me to at least say he's okay. But tonight, nothing. Silence. And it's been hours. I am dying inside, grappling with the fear that this is the night I lose him for good. Please pray for us, as I pray for all of us who suffer still... thank you and God bless.

dollydo

I am sorry, however, even those who are working a strong recovery can relapse at any time. It is the nature of the disease.

This disease is chronic and has no cure. It is just a matter of whether he is using or not.

As for having a child with an addict, unfortunately, the child will inherit the gene that makes them predisposed to become an addict themselves, and a child living with an addict in the home, will suffer from many issues that will follow them into adulthood.

This disease has tenacles that reach far & wide and affected everyone they touch.

Have you attented Naranon meetings? have you read Codependent No More? If not, I would suggest you do both, also read the stickies at the top of this forum.

I am sorry that you are having to face this, keep posting we are here for you.

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR........I am so sorry that you are dealing with this situation. We all love someone who is addicted. We understand.

Share with us what you are doing for you. What you have done with regard to your own well being? Your husband had been sober for a while...nine years? Was he going to meetings? Were you going to meetings? Tell us about those things so that we know where you've been and what you have been doing to take care of yourself through this process.

I have accepted (and embraced) that I will be a part of the "anon" programs for the rest of my life. Not for the next few months. Not until my son gets sober. But for the rest of my life. And I'm ok with that! I need it. Naranon and Alanon have literally saved my life because without those meetings I would either be so deeply depressed and in total despair or I would be dead from the damage that stress, fear, and worry does to my body.

Worrying about him.......worrying about whether he'll come home......will not change the outcome. But it will damage you in ways that you may not realize.

Tell us about you.

gentle hugs
ke

litehorse

i'm sorry you are dealing with this again - especially after getting to the point of making plans for the future - i'm praying for you and your husband

hope213

i am so sorry. your post brought tears to my eyes. i do hope something is going on other than him using. my son is my addict & i do understand how quick it can take them out the door. his drug of choice is crack also. please read all around. find a face to face meeting.welcome to S.R. & keep coming back. hugs, hope & prayers