MeredithD1

April 23 in the Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Among the many weapons we use to castigate the alcoholic – or other people we disapprove of – is sarcasm. True, it relieves our pent-up feelings, and if our remarks are really pointed, gives us a certain satisfaction.

Repugnant as it is in itself, sarcasm becomes even more distasteful when we find it comes from the Greek verb “sarcazo,” which means "to tear flesh." It is that form of irony in which the speaker is motivated by scorn.

If I have ever used this weapon against the troubled drinker, I promise myself not to do it again. I have no right to scorn anyone, since I can never know what creates the need to behave as they do.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will make an effort to blend gentleness with firmness to add a note of harmony to my relations with others instead of tearing and destroying. I will realize that the wounds made by sarcasm are slow to heal, and may defer the longed-for improvement in my life.

“A scorner seeketh wisdom and findeth it not. He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding.” - Proverbs

MeredithD1

April 24 in the Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Coming into Al-Anon can be like stepping into a bright new world. I begin to realize that I really can change my life by doing away with my fear, bitterness and resentment. This means I must guard against judging others by MY standards. It means examining and improving those standards and living up to them myself. If I am bitter, it is because I have allowed myself to blame others for my fate – blaming Fate, or the alcoholic, or God, of everything that has happened to me.

Yes, coming into Al-Anon and living with the program can give me a new view of my world, by helping me to see myself more clearly and accepting Al-Anon’s suggestion to change myself instead of others.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I had never admitted to myself that I was wrong or at fault in anything that happened. It was something of a shock to learn that I am expected, as part of the Al-Anon program, to search out my own shortcomings. I must be honest with and about myself in order to start on the high road to serenity. Will I be able to meet this challenge?

“Because a thing seems difficult for you, do not think it is impossible for anyone to accomplish. But whatever is possible for another, believe that you, too, are capable of it.” – Marcus Aurelius

MeredithD1

April 25 in the Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Only the alcoholic can set himself free from the compulsion to drink. The non-alcoholic cannot force him to want sobriety, although many of us feel we should be able to correct a situation that is causing us so much suffering.

Yet the more I try to force the issue, with tears, reproaches and threats, the worse it gets.

Al-Anon can help me to cope with the situation in an entirely different way, by showing me how to recognize and correct my mistaken attempts to force a solution.

The same philosophy applies to the problems we face after the long-desired sobriety has come to pass.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I am powerless over alcohol and its effects on another person; I cannot make him sober, no more than I can be responsible for his drinking. The First Step tells me this, and it tells me, too, that I must acknowledge that my life has become unmanageable. My first task is to manage my own life, whether or not the alcoholic is still drinking.

“Help me to find peace of mind within myself by uniting myself with God’s power and guidance. That is the spiritual way out of my difficulties – the only sure way.”

MeredithD1

April 26 in the Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

What’s so wonderful about Al-Anon? That it helps us to see ourselves as we really are. Al-Anon is wonderful for those of us who want to know ourselves, who are brave enough to acknowledge our faults. It helps us to examine, with courage and honesty, our good and bad qualities. Al-Anon works for those who want to build on the good and whittle away at the bad, until, one by one, we get rid of the self-deceptions that have kept us from growing into the kind of people we want to be.

What do I want Al-Anon to do for me?

TODAY’S REMINDER

The Twelve Steps, the slogans, the Serenity Prayer and the loving concern of other Al-Anon members – all these will help me if I am willing to cooperate. My share in the job of rehabilitating myself is to study and practice the program, to meditate and pray, to attend meetings and to help others to understand and live the Al-Anon way.

“The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light; they that dwell in the land of the shadow…upon them shall the light shine.” – Isaiah

MeredithD1

April 27 in the Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Surely it is cause for rejoicing to have the alcoholic find sobriety at last. Yet too many of us assume this means that the bluebird of happiness has taken up permanent residence in our home, and that all problems have vanished.

How this new-found sobriety will affect me will depend largely on how I adjust to it. Am I ready to withdraw from the dominant role I had while the alcoholic could not face family responsibilities? Will I welcome his dedication to AA, and his frequent attendance at meetings? Will I truly cooperate with this miracle by continuing to solve my own emotional problems in Al-Anon?

TODAY’S REMINDER

I know that the alcoholic is conquering the compulsion to drink and is growing, spiritually and emotionally. My role in our relationship must be to overcome my personal shortcomings, so we can grow spiritually together.

“In a re-inventory, I found I could no longer blame the alcoholic in my life for my soul sickness, my restlessness and my feeling of inadequacy. I will accept my share of responsibility for our troubles, for I have learned in Al-Anon, that many of them were rooted in my own imperfections.”

NOTE FROM ME: "Re-inventory" I so get that. I find at this point the steps are not sequential any more - work the one I need to work when I need to work it - - -

ALSO April 27'ths ODAT is special in that it is the last one I am typing out fresh - I started posting these April 28 of last year in Friends and Family of Alcoholics - so from here it's all Copy and Paste from my Word document into here at Friends and Family of Substance Abusers! Love to you all and thank you for this opportunity to serve.

MeredithD1

April 28 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Have I the courage to face up to the problems that alcoholism has brought into my life? Can I believe that my situation is NOT really hopeless, and that I am capable of improving it? Can I keep myself cheerful when everything seems to be leading me to despair?

The answers COULD be "yes," if I refuse to accept the alcoholic's responsibilities and leave them to him, regardless of the consequences. I COULD overcome my hopelessness by opening my eyes to the troubles other people live with, so often much worse than mine. I COULD bring myself to a brighter view of life if I weren't always feeling sorry for myself; despair is often a mask for self-pity.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Three things I will practice every day from now on:

1) I will stop being a crutch for the alcoholic.
2) I will not let myself concentrate on the distressing features of my present existence, but will look for the good things in it.
3) I will remind myself that self-respect can relieve me of the need for pity, my own and others

"...in quietness and confidence shall be our strength..." (Book of Common Prayer)

MeredithD1

April 29 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

A little meditation on the word, FORGIVE, can throw some rather surprising light on our understanding of the word.

We are asked to forgive those who have injured us. Unless we have first judged and condemned them for what they did, there would be no reason for us to forgive them. Rather we would have to forgive ourselves for judging.

The Scripture says: "Judge not that ye be not judged." If we do judge - no matter how great the injury or how premeditated - WE are at fault. Following this train of thought to its logical conclusion, we see that we can forgive only ourselves. In doing so, we also forgive the person whose action we have resented.

TODAY’S REMINDER

"Thou shalt love they neighbor as thyself" tells me I must first make peace with myself before I can learn to love others. I must remind myself constantly that I can never know any other person's motives and conditioning; I must, for my own sake, accept them as they are. A large ingredient of that acceptance is loving tolerance.

"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." (Luke)

"And forgive me for judging and retaliating. Help me to forgive myself; I know this is the first step toward spiritual security."

MeredithD1

April 30 in the Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

It is said that everything people do has a selfish motive. The members of AA freely admit theirs is a selfish program. So, too, is ours.

We know that offering Al-Anon to those who need it - who need its reassurance, comfort and personal concern - will make bigger, better people of us. This is actually constructive selfishness.

It is high time we changed our thinking about that much maligned word. The highest form of selfishness is to give of ourselves so that we, in turn, may broaden our understanding and confidence. The richest rewards come from helping others with no thought of reward.

TODAY’S REMINDER

The greatest thing we learn from the Al-Anon program is that we cannot get unless we give. And this is equally true of all phases of life.

Those who are not willing to serve the group, who shy away from sharing themselves with those in need of help, are very apt to find themselves frustrated in solving their own problems.

"There are those who have little and give all. These are the believers in life and the bounty of life and their coffers are never empty." (Kahlil Gibran: THE PROPHET)*

MeredithD1

May 1 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Al-Anon, like AA, is founded on a spiritual basis, on acknowledging our dependence on a Power greater than ourselves. The thousands of Al-Anon groups around the world have members of many faiths; our fellowship does not follow any single religious discipline.

We simply accept the idea that there is a Power which is more important than a man's own individuality. We believe we cannot thrive without reliance on a Higher Power, and that we must follow the ethical standards of behavior basic in every spiritual philosophy. We can find peace of mind and real fulfillment only through devotion to something above and beyond ourselves.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Understanding my relationship to God will show me that humility is an essential element of faith, and true humility will remind me to LIVE and LET LIVE.

Faith in a Higher Power can also help me overcome my faults. If I believe in a Power greater than my own, it would be unreasonable for me to behave as though I were all-wise.

"I pray for guidance from my Higher Power in everything I do. I know that many of my decisions could have been more wisely made if I had been more receptive to His guidance."

MeredithD1

May 2 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Most of us in Al-Anon realize the importance of prayer. We may "think" a prayer many times a day, "Thank You, God, for helping me to do this chore"; "Please let me see the beauty in the ordinary and usual: a tree, a child, a sunrise"; "Help me not to brood on this injury but show me where I am at fault," - and so on.) We may pray night and morning, asking for guidance to making changes in our lives or for light on a troubling situation.

Prayer is simply a reaching out to make contact with a Power greater than ourselves. It is an acknowledgement of our personal helplessness, which has been demonstrated to us so often in our efforts to find peace and security.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Prayer is the contact I make with God in my thoughts. It is a powerful medicine for the spirit. Prayers for guidance are perhaps the most potent of all, providing I keep myself receptive and am willing to act according to His inspiration.

"All true prayer somehow confesses our absolute dependence on God. It is therefore a deep and vital contact with Him...It is when we pray that we really are." (Thomas Merton: NO MAN is an ISLAND)*

MeredithD1

May 3 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

This is a story of a man who has dedicated his life to helping the families of alcoholics.

On one occasion, he was invited to address an important Al-Anon meeting in a place about seven hundred miles from his home. Shortly before the event, he lost his beloved wife.

Those who had asked him to appear thought he would certainly not wish to keep his speaking engagement, but he did.

To one of the members who had expressed his sympathy, he said: "Let me tell you a story of an Englishwoman at the time of the Blitz in the Second World War. Her husband had met sudden death, and her minister went to break the news to her. When she greeted him, she asked: "Are you bringing me bad news that you come at this unusual time of day?" "I'm afraid so," the minister answered. "Is it about my husband? Is he dead" "Yes, I am sorry to bring you such sad tidings..." She interrupted him to say: "Come in and let me make you a cup of tea." At his astonished look, she explained, "My mother taught me, when I was a little girl, that when anything very dreadful happens, I must think of what I would be doing if it had not happened, and then do that. "He gave a moving and inspiring talk to the assembled Al-Anon’s. Everyone marveled at his ability to rise above his personal sorrow, but few realized he had distilled that sorrow into inspiration for us.

In a sense, everything that happens to me is a gift from God. I may resent disappointments, rebel against a series of misfortunes which I regards as unmerited punishment. Yet in time, I may come to understand that these can be considered gifts of enlightenment. They teach me that many of my punishments are self-inflicted. In some way unfathomable to my human intelligence, my suffering could be the consequence of my own attitudes, actions or neglects.

This spiritual approach to my problem can lift my thinking to a level at which I can gain new perspectives and find solutions I never dreamed were possible.

TODAY’S REMINDER

All of us tend to rebel against the unhappiness in our lives; we try to understand; we resent what we cannot understand. Rebelliousness will only heap one frustration on another until we learn to get out from under, let go, and let God take a hand in our affairs.

"When a man of good-will is troubled or tempted or afflicted with evil thoughts, then he can better understand how great a need he has of faith in God." (Thomas A'Kempis)

MeredithD1

May 4 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

In a sense, everything that happens to me is a gift from God. I may resent disappointments, rebel against a series of misfortunes which I regard as unmerited punishment. Yet in time I may come to understand that these can be considered gifts of enlightenment. They teach me that many of my punishments are self-inflicted. In some way unfathomable to my human intelligence, my suffering "could be" the consequence of my own attitudes, actions or neglects.

This spiritual approach to my problem can lift my thinking to a level at which I can gain new perspectives and find solutions I never dreamed were possible.

TODAY's REMINDER

All of us tend to rebel against the unhappiness in our lives; we try to understand; we resent what we cannot understand. Rebelliousness will only heap one frustration on another until we learn to get out from under, let go, and let God take a hand in our affairs.

"When a man of good-will is troubled or tempted or afflicted with evil thoughts, then he can better understand how great a need he has of faith in God." (Thomas A'Kempis)

Ann

Hindsight has taught me that this is so true. My past life, with all its sadness, fear, and chaos brought me to the peaceful life of light and peace that I know today, and I am ever grateful for every twist in the road, for every lesson learned the hard way, and most of all a change to live better today.

Grateful Hugs

MeredithD1

it's beautiful to come in and find the gift of your post, Ann

May 5 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

I have much more to be grateful for than I realize. Too often I don’t remember to give thought to all the things in my life that I could enjoy and appreciate.

Perhaps I don’t take time for this important meditation because I’m too preoccupied with my woes. I allow my mind to keep filled with grievances, and the more I think of them, the bigger they loom. Instead of surrendering to God and His goodness, I let myself be controlled by the negative thinking into which my thoughts are pat to stray unless I guide them firmly into brighter paths.

TODAY’S REMINDER

A period of meditation, every day, is necessary to spiritual development. I control these “thinking times.” If I meditate on what is good in my life, it will increase day by day and crowd out the self-pity and resentment over what I lack and what is hurting me. Suddenly I will find myself able to use God’s help in managing my life in order and serenity.

“God has given us the faculties by which we are able to bear what comes to pass without being crushed or depressed thereby. Why then do we sit and moan and groan, blind to the Giver, making no acknowledgment to Him, but giving ourselves to complaints?” (Epictetus)

MeredithD1

May 6 from the little blue book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON

While we do not come to Al-Anon for the purpose of getting the alcoholic to stop drinking, it is true that membership in an Al-Anon group has been an important factor in many an alcoholic's recovery.

Nevertheless, our first concern is our own improvement. For this reason we do not discuss the actions and faults of our spouses, but confine ourselves to overcoming the tensions and anxieties of our own situations. We who are in the family circle of an alcoholic suffer fears and frustrations; we feel beaten, hopeless and angry - with overtones of guilt.

Once we realize that alcoholism is a disease, and that we are not responsible for it, we can master our own feelings of guilt and hostility. This often brings about improvement in the home situation.

TODAY’S REMINDER

In our group discussions we avoid long recitals about the misbehavior of the alcoholic, because they do not promote our growth. We are in Al-Anon to get rid of our own feelings of guilt and hostility. We can deal more adequately with problems when heart and mind are not weighed down by negative emotions.

"...then shall vanish all vain imaginings, all evil disturbances and superfluous cares."

MeredithD1

May 7 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Al-Anon's main purpose is to help those who are living in an alcoholic situation. To this end we share experience, strength and hope with each other.

What we don't do, and should not do, is to share one another's burdens, whether financial or emotional. Sometimes an over-eager member, impelled by a warm, friendly desire to help, will assume someone else's responsibilities - providing necessities, lending money or advising decisive or irrevocable action.

This is not helping. We help best by inspiring people to Think Through and solve their own problems. Otherwise we deprive them of the opportunity to develop experience and strength from working things out for themselves.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I need and want the inspiration and emotional support of those in my group, but I will not lean on anyone for help. I want to face my own problems and not sidestep them. Likewise I will not interfere with the life of anyone else, even though I am motivated only be a desire to help.

"There is danger in taking on another's duty - danger that we may neglect our own, and that we may deprive them of what they may learn from finding their own solutions."

MeredithD1

May 8 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Among the many gifts we are offered in Al-Anon is freedom. When we are new in Al-Anon, we are prisoners of our own confusion and despair. Working with the program offers us release as we learn to understand the true nature of our situation. The gifts of Al-Anon are not without a price tag: freedom, for example, can only be achieved by paying the price we call acceptance. If we can accept the First Step, we are set free from the need to control the alcoholic, If we can surrender to God’s guidance, it will cost us our self will, so precious to we who have always thought we could dominate. It is up to us to decide whether freedom from our despair is worth all this. Most of us believe it is.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Success with the Al-Anon program demands that we think, honestly and in depth, about our attitudes, evaluating our words and actions. When the attitudes change from hostility to forgiveness, from violence to quiet acceptance, our words and actions follow along.

“Freedom has many facets, but mostly it releases us from much that has been troubling and defeating us. We pray for this release into freedom.”

MeredithD1

May 9 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

When an Al-Anon wife describes her grievances at a meeting, and explains “what she did because of what he did,” it is very possible that we can see through her motivations more clearly than she can. We see the bitterness, the self-pity and self-deception that have built a wall between her and reality. The suffering is real, but we wonder how much of the hurt is self-inflicted. It may be caused by the wife’s stubborn refusal to let go of her control of the drinker. Or she may unknowingly distort and exaggerate what the alcoholic says and does.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will examine, with a sharp and honest eye, my own motives, for I need to do a lot of straight thinking about my own attitudes and actions.

If I am troubled, worried exasperated or frustrated, do I rationalize the situation and put the blame on someone else? Or can I honestly admit that I may be at fault? My peace of mind depends on overcoming my negative attitudes. I must try, day by day, to be honest with myself.

“We blame little things in others and pass over great things in ourselves; we are quick enough in perceiving and weighing what we suffer from others, but we mind not what others suffer from us.” (Thomas A’Kempis)

MeredithD1

May 10 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

When we hear an Al-Anon member say, “Detach from the problem,” we react in various ways. We may think rebelliously: “How can they expect me to detach from my own wife or husband? Our lives are bound together and I am involved, whether I want to be, or not.”

That is true, but there are kinds of involvement that can only make our difficulties worse. We make trouble for ourselves when we interfere with the alcoholic’s activities, trying to find out where he is, what he’s been doing, where the money went. Suspicion, searching and prying will only keep us in a state of turmoil, and make the situation worse, instead of improving it.

TODAY’S REMINDER

What we are meant to know will come to our knowledge without any action on our part. This is a basic spiritual truth, implicit in our slogan, Let Go and Let God. When action is really required, as when a crisis happens, we will then be better prepared to meet the emergency.

"He that is in perfect peace suspects no one, but he that is discontented and disturbed is tossed about with various suspicions; he is neither quiet himself, nor does he allow others to be quiet.” (Thomas A’Kempis)

MeredithD1

May 11 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

What is the greatest hindrance to my achieving serenity? DETERMINATION – the grim resolve that I can DO SOMETHING about everything. This whole feeling of tightening up, girding oneself for battle, can defeat my purpose. Over and over, in a hundred different ways, I learn in Al-Anon that I must let go. It will do nothing constructive for me if I retaliate for injuries I suffer because of the alcoholic. I am not empowered by God to even up scores and make others “pay for what they did to me.” I will learn to relax my stubborn grip on all the details of my sufferings and allow the solutions to unfold by themselves.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I am only a small cog in the machinery of universe; my trying to run things my own way is doomed to failure. A bright and serene success is at hand once I learn to let go. Then I’ll have time to count my blessings, work on my own shortcomings, and enjoy each minute of every day.

"What hurt could it do thee if thou wouldst let it pass and make no account of it? Could it even so much as pluck one hair from thy head?” Thomas A’Kempis