I feel like its all slipping through my fingers
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 213
I feel like its all slipping through my fingers
I thought I could hold on to him, I though my grip would keep him with me it was so nice to see my real son for those very few short weeks I had missed him and cherished every day seeing him for I knew the monster of relapse was just around the corner . He said he wanted treatment, started on suboxone little did i know the last couple of days he had stopped taking it altogether, you see he was preparing he left the house yesterday and the last i heard from him he was barely speaking he was with some people in a car driving to nobody knew where and now I pray to mine as well as his higher power to please give me some sanity to accept what I cannot control, to give my son over to a higher power and know whatever happens to him it is meant to happen, to please give me the strength to live and keep my sanity, thank you for to anyone that stopped by to read .....
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 128
I'm a mom too. I understand your pain. I don't know what the future holds, but I trust in God. I believe my Higher Power loves my son even more than I do. My first real spiritual awakening came when I finally learned to let go and let God. I became washed in peace. It was like a huge weight was lifted. I knew that I would be okay, and that my son would be okay... even if it meant my worst nightmare. And I believe God loves your son and is with him. And with you.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
lonelystar -- I feel your pain. My son is addicted to heroin and in/out of recovery/relapse. Yesterday I was crying in agony and grief. At 6:00p he asked for my help to detox and is sleeping upstairs right now. It's a very thin thread I'm hanging onto and trying like hell to accept whatever may come.
Yesterday when I was so filled with fear that he would die soon, a wash of peace and comfort came over me when I realized that if he did, my mother would be there to greet him and they would embrace in perfect shining love for one another. It would be OK.
God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Much love to you.
Yesterday when I was so filled with fear that he would die soon, a wash of peace and comfort came over me when I realized that if he did, my mother would be there to greet him and they would embrace in perfect shining love for one another. It would be OK.
God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Much love to you.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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yes tjp they seem so sincere when they have drugged themselves out and then need a place to come so they can recuperate again , sorry to hear your what your going through as well I find that Im mostly upset with my own self for not being strong enough, apparently he lived through the relapse cops were invovled ambulance his gf of only 16 was there as well and so Im left wondering why was he not arrested???, or for that matter put away into a mental institution when clearly he needs to be in one of those places and this may sound cruel but its how i feel all i know is i got a call from him early that hes on his way home, and i thinking you dont have one...
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Location: The Jungle
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It always tears at my heart to read the words of angst from a mother who is grieving for her child...and he's still alive. Addiction does that to us. We grieve for the bright and beautiful child we brought into this world who has been abducted by their drug of choice.
Today I am going to be grateful that my son is alive.
Today I am going to be grateful that my son is learning lessons that only he can learn. I cannot learn them for him.
Today I am grateful that I have a God who loves me and understands the depth of the love I have for my son.....even if my son doesn't understand it.
Today I am grateful that my son has a Higher Power who will allow him the freedom of choice.
Today I am grateful for my own recovery so that I can find joy.
Today I am going to pray for our sons, daughters, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, aunts and uncles who are held in the grip of addiction. God loves them.
Your son is in my prayers today.
gentle hugs
ke
Today I am going to be grateful that my son is alive.
Today I am going to be grateful that my son is learning lessons that only he can learn. I cannot learn them for him.
Today I am grateful that I have a God who loves me and understands the depth of the love I have for my son.....even if my son doesn't understand it.
Today I am grateful that my son has a Higher Power who will allow him the freedom of choice.
Today I am grateful for my own recovery so that I can find joy.
Today I am going to pray for our sons, daughters, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, aunts and uncles who are held in the grip of addiction. God loves them.
Your son is in my prayers today.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 278
I keep getting told over and over again...the addict will not stop using until they hit bottom. And anything I do to make it easier on him is helping him stay addicted. My 18 year old son moved out the minute we got him home from a 5 day detox center. We wanted him to stay but we had some rules he didn't want to live by so he decided to leave. If I were you, I'd be more afraid he'd come back! At least now, you are not having to deal with it in your home.
It is so hard to be this way...sometimes when I eat I feel guilty because I get to eat and my son is out there probably hungry somewhere. But he had a choice just like your son...to use or not use. We're not letting our son back until he goes away for treatment. Otherwise all we are doing is offering a cushy crash pad in between binges. Hey, as long as Mom's there I can keep doing my thing....nope....not me anymore....i will no longer enable my son...I will only support his recovery which he doesn't want.
Let him go...try to think about what you need to do for yourself right now. It is so hard. We're here for you.
It is so hard to be this way...sometimes when I eat I feel guilty because I get to eat and my son is out there probably hungry somewhere. But he had a choice just like your son...to use or not use. We're not letting our son back until he goes away for treatment. Otherwise all we are doing is offering a cushy crash pad in between binges. Hey, as long as Mom's there I can keep doing my thing....nope....not me anymore....i will no longer enable my son...I will only support his recovery which he doesn't want.
Let him go...try to think about what you need to do for yourself right now. It is so hard. We're here for you.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 12
Lonelystar- how is your son? Did he end up coming to your house? Praying for God to give you strength and everything works out.
TJP- You are strong for trying to be supportive through your sons detox, however I have seen my boyfriend try to detox himself many times. What is your sons plan after detox. Maybe you should try to encourage him to go to a recovery program, they have medically supervised detox then a strong program and support system to help him with the tools he needs. I feel like we all grab the chance to help any time because in your case, he is safe in your home so you don't have to worry about him using or what he is doing. You cannot force him into rehab- he has to want it for himself. However, the fact that he is asking for your help while he detoxes he has to have the motivation to get sober, so hopefully encouraging it will help him realize he needs it.
TJP- You are strong for trying to be supportive through your sons detox, however I have seen my boyfriend try to detox himself many times. What is your sons plan after detox. Maybe you should try to encourage him to go to a recovery program, they have medically supervised detox then a strong program and support system to help him with the tools he needs. I feel like we all grab the chance to help any time because in your case, he is safe in your home so you don't have to worry about him using or what he is doing. You cannot force him into rehab- he has to want it for himself. However, the fact that he is asking for your help while he detoxes he has to have the motivation to get sober, so hopefully encouraging it will help him realize he needs it.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Originally Posted by solost87 
TJP- You are strong for trying to be supportive through your sons detox, however I have seen my boyfriend try to detox himself many times. What is your sons plan after detox. Maybe you should try to encourage him to go to a recovery program, they have medically supervised detox then a strong program and support system to help him with the tools he needs. I feel like we all grab the chance to help any time because in your case, he is safe in your home so you don't have to worry about him using or what he is doing. You cannot force him into rehab- he has to want it for himself. However, the fact that he is asking for your help while he detoxes he has to have the motivation to get sober, so hopefully encouraging it will help him realize he needs it.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 213
alright update,
he did find his way back home we did let him in and sat him down and so heres what happened, he admitted to stopping his medication so that he would be able to go out and party and drink with his friends , he ended up not using roxies which is y he is on the medication or coke which he also does but he wanted to be clean of his medication so that he can drink and he took some xanax i drug tested him and he was truthfull so yet again we let him back in the house the weaklings that we are for truly i believe he does not see that he has to let that life of partying go and all the friends that go with it if he wants to stay sober, his gf on the other hand ended up taking huge amounts of xanax went wild and her parents ended up arresting her and so she is sitting in jail, what upsets me is that he does not see his mistakes does not understand the kind of partying that is fun for him is a nightmare to others, whether its drinking till up pass out or drugs he wont grow up and take reponsibility, and so one more chance for letting him stay in my home . He is talking about wanting to join the forces and move on with his life but talk is talk , just like what i do , talk and no action , and tjp yes i also believe if they are asking for the help we should be there for them Im just figuring it this way they are going through something we cant understand finding there own way if it ultimately leads down to the road of them living as druggies on the street then at least I can say I tried and I do know that eventually my son will be kicked out if he doesnt grow up.
he did find his way back home we did let him in and sat him down and so heres what happened, he admitted to stopping his medication so that he would be able to go out and party and drink with his friends , he ended up not using roxies which is y he is on the medication or coke which he also does but he wanted to be clean of his medication so that he can drink and he took some xanax i drug tested him and he was truthfull so yet again we let him back in the house the weaklings that we are for truly i believe he does not see that he has to let that life of partying go and all the friends that go with it if he wants to stay sober, his gf on the other hand ended up taking huge amounts of xanax went wild and her parents ended up arresting her and so she is sitting in jail, what upsets me is that he does not see his mistakes does not understand the kind of partying that is fun for him is a nightmare to others, whether its drinking till up pass out or drugs he wont grow up and take reponsibility, and so one more chance for letting him stay in my home . He is talking about wanting to join the forces and move on with his life but talk is talk , just like what i do , talk and no action , and tjp yes i also believe if they are asking for the help we should be there for them Im just figuring it this way they are going through something we cant understand finding there own way if it ultimately leads down to the road of them living as druggies on the street then at least I can say I tried and I do know that eventually my son will be kicked out if he doesnt grow up.
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