MrsOutOfOptions

So my brother (the heroin addict) is currently in Jail. He was charged with battery and possession of drug paraphernalia, along with a few other things but all misdemeanors. His brand new car (which isnt paid off) got towed away that friday night since he was driving and they pulled him over. He has been in jail since late 9/30/2011.

I could care less about him being in jail. In my opinion he put himself there so unless he somehow can put up the 5,000 then he needs to sit there.

My dad (Mr. Enabler) and mom live a couple hundred miles away from all of us but come here to visit their grandchildren 2-3 times a month. They are coming into town today and my dad is dead set on bailing my brother out. Mind you he has court on tuesday so he would either be free on tuesday or doing his actual time. He would only be free from tonight or tomorrow morning until tuesday. What is the point of that? My brother has broken my dad down, begging and pleading and of course saying whatever he thinks my dad wants to hear so that he can get out.

Even my mother has finally seen that her son has a problem and needs help but in order for him to see that he needs help he has to hit rock bottom first.
I dont know what to say to my dad anymore. He, just like my brother is going to continue making bad decisions regarding this topic. My dad knows he doesnt deserve to be out of jail but he is thinking with his heart too much. Any advice on how to get through this or help my dad see whats really going on?

Freedom1990

My parents enabled my AD for years. I used to bang my head against the wall. I finally came to accept they are who they are and do what they do.

After Dad got burned for 3 grand on a bail bondsman, he never bailed AD out again.

You can't make your dad "see" anything.

God grant me serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I've said that prayer countless times over the years.

Sending you hugs of support.

dollydo

Welcome,

Freedom has covered all the bases, she is right on the mark.

Sadly, there is nothing you can do, but, let go.

JMFburns

Welcome Mrs,

I agree w/Freedom's post.

My advice, wrap yourself in your own boundaries - you do not need to be part of your Dad's and brother's enabling and insanity should he decide to bail him out.

Good Luck on a serene weekend.

outtolunch

Dad sounds quite capable of loving his son into an early grave. I know I almost did with my own dauther.

You have as much control over your dad's choices as you have over your brother's choices. This is between the two of them. Both need to experience the consequences of their choices for there to be any hope.

Kindeyes

There is a wonderful little green pamphlet called "A Guide for the Family of the Addict or Drug Abuser". It is one of the best pieces of literature on the affects of drug addiction on the family. If you can get your hands on one of those little gems, read it and then share it with your Dad. Maybe he'll get it and maybe he won't but at least you'll feel like you've done something.

Then let it go and let God.

gentle hugs
ke