litehorse

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i'm divorced with three grown sons - the two oldest are married with children and doing well - the youngest got started off on the wrong foot 10 years ago with drugs and ended up incarcerated - i just spoke with my middle son and he finally shared with me how angry he is with his younger brother for taking such a negative turn with his life and how it has affected our family -it hurts so much to know that the consequences are so far reaching - i can forgive so much more easily from a mother's perspective but he is having a hard time getting passed all the times i was hurt and taken advantage of - i guess i'm just really tired

Impurrfect

(((Litehorse)))- when they say "addiction is a family disease" they were so right.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, but am actually glad that you other son is talking to you about it. It's better than keeping it all bottled in. Besides, you've got some good recovery, so maybe it will rub off oh him, in time.

Big hugs and prayers, as I know this hurts

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy

Ann

I agree, there is no escaping the pain when someone we love is addicted.

I hope your son finds a way to work through his anger, his pain, and can learn and grow from all this, just as you have done Litehorse.

Hugs

dollydo

When the tenacles of addiction reach out, they negitivily affect everything they come
in contact with.

I too agree, keep those lines of communication open, share your recovery techniques
with him and most of all let him know that you care about him. Sometimes when we codies are in the throws of trying to save another, we forget that others in our life have needs too.

Kindeyes

litehorse
Thank you for posting this. It's a reminder of why I'm working on me. I was so caught up in my son's troubles for so long that other people who love me dearly suffered because they didn't get the attention THEY deserved from me. They also suffered and became angry as they watched me get hurt and used time again....and still....my AS got the lion's share of my attention. My son's activities and behavior weren' the only things hurting the rest of the family....I was just as guilty.

I thank God every day for the lessons I have learned as a result of my son's addiction. I can't and won't thank God FOR my son's addiction but it is because of it that I have learned some very important and necessary lessons.

Addiction is a very far reaching disease. I'm so sorry that any of us have to deal with it. You and all of your sons will be in my prayers today.

gentle hugs from another mom
ke

chicory

(((litehorse))),
I really can relate to you about this. I have three grown children, oldest son is the alcoholic who does not have his life together. the others, two girls, have homes, families and are happy. they are angry too, at their brother, for making life hard on me. they are also mad at me, in a way, at letting myself be hurt, since they know a bit about enabling. I try not to share with them anymore, since it is my choice to be involved, and anything that hurts me is pretty much my fault, if it involves being duped or used by him, or being angry at his less than mature opinions or behaviors.

he lives with me, does not drink as of now, but still they are angry, for we can all see that he has not done much to change his life. they dont know a lot about addiction/alcoholism tho, so they just get angry instead of objectively looking at his situation. they want me to have my life back, and I would like that too, but life isn't always the way we would like it to be. sometimes people are sick, and not able to have the happy life that their siblings have been so blessed with. funny, tho, alcohol is fairly abundant(too much so, for my comfort) in their homes, friends, and gatherings. they are just not alcoholics, not yet, and never I pray.
good that your son voiced this to you. perhaps you were able to clear any resentments that might come from them wishing you did things differently for yourself.

sending a hug,
chicory

Chino

I closed the lines of communication when it came to my son and husbands rants; all it did was cause me distress. I told them I worked hard to let go, move on, and if they wanted help/resources "here are all the local meetings and my therapists phone number." I told them I learned I couldn't do the work for RAD and I can't do the work for them either.

litehorse

i talked to my oldest son today and just briefly asked him how he felt - he is not really angry but he does feel that talking too much about the youngest isn't beneficial to anybody - and doing things for him that he can do for himself is out of the question - i agree with him and it felt good not to hear anger as we talked - praying for the middle son - he will come around - i have faith in him - thanks to all of you for your comments - it so helps to know that we share mutual concerns