GAwendy

Hi everybody, it's been a long time since I was here! When I logged in I wasn't sure if I even rememberd my user name and password, I did though, and it told me the last time I logged in was 5-22-08!!WOW! Well since then I have divorced addicted husband and moved on. That happened in June of 09. Our son is now 9 years old and ex-husbands addiction is completly out of control. Ex-husband is in jail now for the last week or so, but my question is, my son although seemingly well adjusted and doing very good accademicly in school, will not open up or talk about his feelings as far as his father go. I am starting to worry about this and think that he really needs to talk to somebody, but even the mentioning of this upsets him, he says he doesn't want to talk about it. Any advice on this?? Do I push him? I get nowhere when I try. Do I find a counsoler? Is there any groups out there for kids his age, dealing with this?

suki44883

I wouldn't push him. Just make sure he knows he can talk to you about anything and then let it go. If he's doing well, that's a good sign. If his school work should start to suffer or he starts to act out, then you might want to find a child therapist that is trained in alcoholic issues. But, until then, I'd just let him talk about it if and when he's ready.

laurie6781

You can start here and find some local Alateen in your area of Georgia:

Georgia Al-Anon/Alateen Home Page

and ask them what their age requirements are in your area.

If it is 10 or 11 or 12, I would suggest some private counseling for your son so he can slowly learn to trust someone to tell his troubles to other than "mom."

I see your concern for your son and I applaud you for looking for 'ways' to help him through this very difficult time in his life!!!!!!

Love and hugs,

GAwendy

Thanks for the input and the information, we are no longer in GA as my screen name suggest, we are now in Alabama. GA is where I was located when I first found this site YEARS ago, and it was a God send then when I was first finding out that his dad was addicted to Meth. As all of this has happened in the last week or 2, the wonderful people here on this site is who, I thought of to seek advice from once again. Thank you all!

HopeAwaits

I agree w Laurie. My daughter is almost 8 and keeps things bottled up and had started saying she was sorry to her Dad for things she didnt need to be. A mini Codie me right before my eyes. I started her in counseling since shes too young to understand the addiction drug use part and he was sober for years.
I am always telling her she can tell me anything and whatever her feelings are, they are hers and real. she would never be wrong for them.
Keep paying attention and moving forward, so glad things are otherwise better than before.
PS: I did the same thing w my account, but couldnt remember password

Ann

Good to see you again

I presume the boy isn't seeing his dad, yes?

I think counseling is a good idea too. It is a good way to teach him not to "stuff" his feelings, something that many of us (me) should have learned at an earlier age.

Kids don't forget, kids feel guilty for things that aren't even about them, and kids need love. You're doing great here, just don't stop now.

Hugs

Kindeyes

I would think that your son isn't the first kid who said he didn't want to go to counseling. It's a scary concept for a kid. But a good counselor will help him work through the feelings. Do what you think is best....you're there and you know your son. If you feel it's best he see a counselor, you're the parent.

gentle hugs
ke

GAwendy

Thank you everybody, and Ann, you were such a God send to me years ago when all this first started for me, you helped me and taught me so much, God bless you. I also was rereading my post and relized that I said my son is 9, he is accually 11 he was 9 when his father and I split up, and I moved us to another state for safety sake. My son was 3 when I first found out his dad was an addict and I stayed 6 more years trying to make it work, all the while hiding the drug use from my son. It all came to a head one terrible night and the rest is history. I asked the age old question on here that so many before and after me have asked "should I stay or should I go", and everybody told me I would know when to do either one. I stayed till it almost got me killed, but now I can lay down each night with no regrets or wonders of "what if, I would have done this or tried that" I did all I could and then some so thats the peaceful thing about it. My son continued to visit his dad after we seperated up until about 4 months ago and it was at that point that my son decided he wasn't going back. He said he wasn't comfortable there. His dad tried to stay in contact with him via phone and text messages but son does not answer him. I have told him, if he wants to talk to his dad or text him he can, but that he doesn't have too, I won't make him. Thats all I knew to say. Now like I said his father has been locked up, finally, up until now he's never been caught for anything, so I'm happy that he is finally locked up so he can't bother us. I believe I will continue to monitor my son's behavior and just play the counsoling by ear. We have started back going to church and I hope that will be a positive thing and help him some. Thanks again to all of you, God Bless!