seekinganswrs

I just found this site and it has been very helpful. I just went and reread some of my previous posts and it's amazing how some information can have light shed on it within a few days.

In my last post to someone I was responding and said that my husband has been off his pills (Loratab) for 30 days, and just today I found out that he bought pills while I was out of town last weekend. I sat and checked our bank account because some numbers didn't add up. It's so hard to never know the truth, and he doesn't even lie about huge things, I mean addiction is a huge thing, but it would be so much easier if he would just be honest when I ask. The addictive nature is bad enough, but the lies on top of lies is so damaging. He only bought 10 pills and used those over a few days, but it's still the point of that is an addictive quality, and it's addiction still whether he was buyign heroin and shooting it in excess or just a few pills each day to keep withdrawals at bay, right??

I feel like I have to keep trying different angles to get the truth. I am so worn out and I know we have to separate. He leaves to go out of town next Monday and will be gone through Friday and I am going to start planning and really getting my thoughts together on the next step. Who leaves? Where to go? etc....I have always be so afraid of what will happen to my boys if we separate and as I watched our 11 year old play with my AH on the couch tonight I couldn't help but think that all of this is going to change and I am about to flip their world upside down. I know everyone says the kids know more than we realize and I understand that, but we have really protected them and they are very much in the dark. Our niece, nephew, etc... I have suffered so long and let them think their dad could do no wrong, yet I cannot even get a clear answer on where he is spending money, ever....I am so heartbroken that my children are going to have to endure what is ahead, but I can't keep playing this game. Can I?

MeredithD1

gentle hugs to you Seeking. I can't answer your question - I hear you saying there must be change - I'm sorry you are going through this - I haven't been in your shoes, don't have children, don't fully understand but do hear your words and the struggle in them - and I also hear that you can trust yourself to do what is in the best interest of everyone, even if it is a hard decision. You're in my thoughts for all manner of good things.

seekinganswrs

Thanks for the support. It's hard to trust yourself.

Farfalla

Seekinganswrs,
Please check your private message inbox.
Prayers and hugs to you and your boys.

hopeful0323

I am going through a situation very similar to this. My exabf and I also have 2 children together so i know how hard these decisions are when children are involved. My exabf was off the heroine but recently started drinking again. Then his family and I also found out that he he had a 60 day supply of a prescription drug and the bottle was empty in two days! Did he sell it? Or maybe snort the entire bottle in two days? IMO it doesn't really matter. If he is using, he is using. It doesn't matter to me what substance it is, eventually it will lead him back to his love, heroine.

This week I made a decision to not allow him to have contact with me or my children until he has been clean and sober for at least 6 months, maybe even 1 year. It is too damaging to my kids to have their father behaving erratically, not showing up when he promised to come see them and disappearing for weeks at a time. The in and out of their lives coupled with his inappropriate behavior is more damaging then him not being around at all.

laurie6781

Actually you already do know the answer:

The answer is:

"You will never know the answers. You will never know the truth. Active A's and even into early recovery, lie, cheat, steal, hide money, etc."

Now the questions is:

DO YOU WANT TO CONTINUE TO LIVE THIS WAY?

Love and hugs,

hello-kitty

Lying is part and parcel of addiction. That's just what addicts do. They lie about using. And we can't know what else they are lying about because they can't be trusted.

Unfortunate but true.

I use to always think... if only he didn't lie to me. But the fact was he did lie. He was a liar. And that was a violation of my personal boundaries. That made it unacceptable to me. I cannot be in a relationship with someone who lies to me. Just can't do it. Won't do it.