Rehab after work so I thought

Old 09-28-2011, 07:14 AM
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God is listening to you. He has given you the direction that you need to follow, he has given you the proper tools and the ability to use them. Every day he gives you guidance and enlightenment, if you ignore his gifts it is your problem, not his. Life is a long winding path, beset by many hurdles, that we ask for guidance to overcome. If we use the tools we have available to us, we will continue to move in the right direction.
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Old 09-28-2011, 07:15 AM
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My EXAH never did embrace recovery despite going through rehab. He was relieved of his addictions 4 years ago when he died from complications due to AIDS.

I believe God does listen to prayers, but he also gives man free will.

Until the addict is ready to help him/herself, there isn't much God can do.

I will never forget the day I dropped to my knees crying and told God I could NOT live that way anymore.

That is when the journey of my own recovery began.

I was willing to do whatever it took to achieve long-term sobriety and I have for 21 years now.

Your husband's self-will stands in the way of any healing, and will continue to do so.

You deserve so much better hon. Sending you hugs of support.
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Old 09-28-2011, 07:21 AM
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Angry with God

Originally Posted by familydestroyed View Post
I am mad at GOD. I am a strong Catholic. I pray all the time.
I can relate to being mad at God, in fact, just yesterday driving home from work, I told God that. I said, "God I am angry and I am angry with you!". I was yelling and crying. I think God can handle it and can understand. It actually made me feel better to say it out loud. It does not mean I don't believe or love God but I was mad as hell. After that little burst, I told God I needed a miracle but instead of asking for a miracle for my AH, I was asking for me and my well being. I know you have cried out to God many times, God is not going to go againt your AH will. If your AH will is to do drugs, he is gonna do drugs. Just turn over your AH to God (HP) and start praying for you and your family and not your AH. I think it will help. Of course what do I know, I am new at this.

Hugs and prayers to you! I am sorry you are going through this!
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Old 09-28-2011, 07:45 AM
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Thank you. I am sorry for everyone's pain at some point in their lives but I am glad that most of you are in a better place. I hope I get there soon. I journaled like a mad woman last night. I will bring it with me to therapy tomorrow night and hopefully let go of my anger. Please any suggestions or advice keep them coming. I need support. I am holding onto something that was never there. I never had a real relationship. I guess I am afraid. It will hurt to see him move on with someone else. It hurts now when I see couples out and I ask myself why can't i have that type of relationship.
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Old 09-28-2011, 07:52 AM
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Originally Posted by familydestroyed View Post
It hurts now when I see couples out and I ask myself why can't i have that type of relationship.
There are far worse things than being alone, hon. I do understand that pain because I went through it for some time after hitting my codependent bottom.

Now, 12 years later, I actually enjoy being by myself, and am not the least interested in some sort of relationship.

I believe you can have that type of relationship, just not with him.
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Old 09-28-2011, 08:03 AM
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Originally Posted by familydestroyed View Post

He stays on the couch except to go to the bathroom and go to refrigerator. He only leaves the house when he has to go to work or to go buy his drugs or do his drugs.
Whaaaaa ? He's still in your home?
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Old 09-28-2011, 08:19 AM
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((((fd)))) Journaling was a real lifesaver for me.....use big huge letters, red ink, whatever works!

Originally Posted by familydestroyed View Post
It hurts now when I see couples out and I ask myself why can't i have that type of relationship.
Oh, you can, just not with him, not now. He may or may not recover.

But.....

Your life can be joyful, peaceful, and happy again.

Huge hugs and many prayers, HG
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Old 09-28-2011, 08:55 AM
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Unhappy

Originally Posted by Freedom1990 View Post
There are far worse things than being alone, hon. I do understand that pain because I went through it for some time after hitting my codependent bottom.

Now, 12 years later, I actually enjoy being by myself, and am not the least interested in some sort of relationship.

I believe you can have that type of relationship, just not with him.


I believe my head knows but my heart aches. I thought he was my friend and my soulmate. I was so wrong. I raised and continue to raise my children alone.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:21 AM
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Others have heard this many times and are probably making that "finger down the throat" throw up motion about now......but......

My addicted exhusband used this line on me for five years to hold me hostage in my marriage. I divorced him 28 years ago......he's still alive.
After divorcing my addicted exhusband, I met a man. A good man. Not a perfect man but a man who was perfect for me. If I had not divorced my addicted exhusband, I would have never met my current husband.

We have been married for 26 years. I love him dearly and he shows me daily the depth of his love for me. I am truly blessed. God answered my prayers. If you give Him a chance and take care of yourself FIRST and FOREMOST, He will answer your prayers too.

It hurts now when I see couples out and I ask myself why can't i have that type of relationship.
You can have that kind of relationship. The question is can you have that kind of relationship with a drug addict? I couldn't.

I do believe that every experience (particularly the bad ones...lol) have been opportunities for me to learn. I haven't always been a very bright student in these life lessons.....but I'm working on it.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:23 AM
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A devout man was caught in a flood one day, and he climbed onto the roof of his house and as the water started lapping up over the roof he prayed “Lord, deliver me from this flood”.

The water continued to rise and a policeman in a rowing boat passed: “Can I help you Mister?” “No thanks, the Lord will deliver me!”

A little while later, the water is even higher, and the man is up to his waist, even standing on his roof. A lifeboat cruises past, and the captain shouts out “Can I help you, Mister?” “No Thanks” was his reply “The Lord will deliver me – I’ve prayed for it”

After another few minutes, the water has risen so much that only the man's head is peeping out from above the water and a helicopter flies over. The pilot leans out and calls “Can I help you Mister?” “No thanks, the Lord will deliver me!”

At which point, the water rises over the man's head and he drowns.

When the man arrives at the gates of heaven and faces St Peter he is furious: “I’ve been a most serious and devout man all my life, devoted to prayer and good works – why didn’t God answer my prayers. “Oh,” says Peter “That ‘s strange: we sent two boats and a helicopter after you…”
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:25 AM
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He stays on the couch except to go to the bathroom and go to refrigerator. He only leaves the house when he has to go to work or to go buy his drugs or do his drugs.
Tell me again why you are allowing someone to use drugs and be high in your home, around your children?
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:34 AM
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I'm not. He isn't there. I am talking about the past.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:35 AM
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I'm confused. I thought he was back in the house again.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:43 AM
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No. He is not back in the house. He pops in and out but not back living in the house. He was visiting my son and I borrowed the truck last night to run to the cvs near by. I had a gut feeling although he says he hasn't been smoking he actually was.

I am still legally married. Not legally separated. Promises the moon stars and sky but delivers on nothing.

As I stated in previous posts he drives around with his clothes in the backseat of his vehicle. He stays at his mothers but doesn't like it there because it is too crowded. she has her other addict daughter and granddaughter living there. His family lives within 20 minutes of our home.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:45 AM
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I have no parental boundaries. I need to work on this with legal counsel. I just mentally and emotionally was not there yet to do so. I have to really think about how far with his parental rights I want to go. It frightens me what may be in his car or what he may be on while driving. I do not want my children in his car. My daughter is away but my son is only 13.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:54 AM
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
what is the next WISE step for you take, given the FACTS of the matter??? you know what you know, you know about him, you have years and years of experience in that arena. your own words state he has been a constant letdown. you know the truth. he is not going to change. that puts the ball in your court. how much more of your life are you going to put on hold waiting for him to be something he never can or will be???? we have to be the change we want to see in our lives. that is our obligation and responsibility as adults. we can only blame others for so long, before it begins to sound like an excuse to do nothing..........
Thank you. Thank you so much. You are absolutely right. Next step is OBTAIN legal representation and file the necessary paperwork to protect myself and my childrren. I am not going to put my life on hold any longer waiting for him to do right by me and his kids.
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:06 AM
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in life we all need to find ourselfs. when we are lost we cannot be there for ourself or those we love. that mean you also should take time for yourelf and these feelings. Al-anon would be a great place to start. there you can listen forever or speak your mind. no ones wrong and your not alone.. i wish you all the best of health and happiness..peace:0)
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:37 AM
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My daughter is away at school. She knows about her father and his addiction. However, it is still her father and she loves him very much. The chaos at home she doesn't witness on a daily basis because she is away. I have an open communication with my kids. I am always truthful. I try to be very delicate in what and how I express the truth. Sometimes I feel I can work on this skill a little bit. :>) When I talked to my daughter I said as long as daddy is working an active recovery program and working on himself we can begin to work on us as a couple. Now since he is unwilling to get help and recognize his addiction there can be no us. Any advice on how to talk and explain this to his daughter without completely upsetting her? I am trying to tred lightly as to not affect her grades and success at school.
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:43 AM
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I think God has answered your prayers.

God has shown you YET....ONCE AGAIN......that your husband chooses drugs.

God let you find the drugs in the truck.....which made you angry enough that you might...just might.....do something about it.

Perhaps God can't help your husband while you are still involved.

Just a thought.
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Old 09-28-2011, 11:40 AM
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Originally Posted by familydestroyed View Post
When I talked to my daughter I said as long as daddy is working an active recovery program and working on himself we can begin to work on us as a couple. Now since he is unwilling to get help and recognize his addiction there can be no us. Any advice on how to talk and explain this to his daughter without completely upsetting her? I am trying to tred lightly as to not affect her grades and success at school.

I have a 23-year-old daughter I love very much. She's been through a lot the past couple of years and I allow her the dignity to learn as she moves forward. I'm there for her when she needs to talk.

I can appreciate that you don't want to affect her grades and success, but how is she to learn how to cope with life's difficulties if you shield her?

When I enrolled in college at age 50, I ended up with challenges every semester...surgery, exacerbation of my chronic pain. It was a learning experience for me, and I graduated!

For me, honesty has always been the best policy. The fact is he's not interested in recovery. It's that simple.
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