I feel like chewing nails
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: hot as heck, az
Posts: 142
I feel like chewing nails
And not the finger kind... this post is pure rant.
Nothing bad happened today, but I feel completely and utterly angry from head to toe. Every other word in my head is the "F" word. Serenity seems very far away at the moment.
I want someone to yell at but fortunately, no one has gotten in my way. I feel vile toward my A b/c she is tucked away in rehab and I can't pick up the phone and scream at her, although she's done nothing other than be in rehab while I'm stuck here dealing with real life.
My son joined the cub scouts and I had no idea it was going to take over my life. We had a den meeting last Wed, an event Sat morning, a pack meeting tonight, another den meeting this Wed and a campout this weekend. And they handed me sales fliers for the popcorn fundraiser and got my kid fired up to want to go sell overpriced popcorn (yeah, I said it, overpriced).
I spent an hour and 15 in traffic today to try to get home in time to take him to the pack meeting. I was starving so dinner consisted of a hot dog eaten over the kitchen sink. I feel ill now.
The boy has been having behavioral issues in school today and the specialist hasn't met with him b/c she's been on vacation and in "trainings". I don't think his teacher is equipped to handle him; she's emailed me 3x at work today with a panicky tone to tell me he spit on someone. I felt like I was disciplining him through her via email.
I have a doctor's appt tomorrow at 2pm and I'm not sure how i'm going to swing it b/c work is busy again and its hard to leave in the middle of the day. But if I don't go she won't refill my RX.
I signed up for a food coop and didn't realize until after I paid for the box the first pick up is this Sat at 745am... when we are supposed to be at the campout. I have to ask my mother to go pick it up and listen to her bellyache about it being too early, she doesn't know where to go, etc. Otherwise i'm out $30 and the whole reason I signed up is to save money.
I am filling up my gas tank every 4 days at least $50 a pop. I'm tired of being in the car. I want to quit my second job but it pays for my gas.
I missed Al anon last week b/c Fridays is the only day I'm able to go and I chose to go out with work friends this time. I'm irritated and resentful that I have to choose either my meeting or some social time.
I hate feeling this way. I've been trying to snap myself out of it, but I just feel overwhelmed and maxed out so not much is helping. I feel surly and mad, which stinks b/c I had been doing well.
Sorry for the rant, i thought if i got it out, maybe i would feel better. Tomorrow will be a better day... right?
Nothing bad happened today, but I feel completely and utterly angry from head to toe. Every other word in my head is the "F" word. Serenity seems very far away at the moment.
I want someone to yell at but fortunately, no one has gotten in my way. I feel vile toward my A b/c she is tucked away in rehab and I can't pick up the phone and scream at her, although she's done nothing other than be in rehab while I'm stuck here dealing with real life.
My son joined the cub scouts and I had no idea it was going to take over my life. We had a den meeting last Wed, an event Sat morning, a pack meeting tonight, another den meeting this Wed and a campout this weekend. And they handed me sales fliers for the popcorn fundraiser and got my kid fired up to want to go sell overpriced popcorn (yeah, I said it, overpriced).
I spent an hour and 15 in traffic today to try to get home in time to take him to the pack meeting. I was starving so dinner consisted of a hot dog eaten over the kitchen sink. I feel ill now.
The boy has been having behavioral issues in school today and the specialist hasn't met with him b/c she's been on vacation and in "trainings". I don't think his teacher is equipped to handle him; she's emailed me 3x at work today with a panicky tone to tell me he spit on someone. I felt like I was disciplining him through her via email.
I have a doctor's appt tomorrow at 2pm and I'm not sure how i'm going to swing it b/c work is busy again and its hard to leave in the middle of the day. But if I don't go she won't refill my RX.
I signed up for a food coop and didn't realize until after I paid for the box the first pick up is this Sat at 745am... when we are supposed to be at the campout. I have to ask my mother to go pick it up and listen to her bellyache about it being too early, she doesn't know where to go, etc. Otherwise i'm out $30 and the whole reason I signed up is to save money.
I am filling up my gas tank every 4 days at least $50 a pop. I'm tired of being in the car. I want to quit my second job but it pays for my gas.
I missed Al anon last week b/c Fridays is the only day I'm able to go and I chose to go out with work friends this time. I'm irritated and resentful that I have to choose either my meeting or some social time.
I hate feeling this way. I've been trying to snap myself out of it, but I just feel overwhelmed and maxed out so not much is helping. I feel surly and mad, which stinks b/c I had been doing well.
Sorry for the rant, i thought if i got it out, maybe i would feel better. Tomorrow will be a better day... right?
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Whew....glad you got that out of you.....better out than in. That's a whole lot of resentment in that post.
One of the best things I ever did for myself was read Melody Beattie's "Miracles in 40 Days" and I did the exercise suggested in the book. I thought it was a bunch of hooey for the first several days and I really didn't get it but I kept on doing it for 40 days. It turned my whole perspective around. I found a miracle and the miracle was....me.
I'm sorry that things feel so piled up right now and overwhelming. But there is a way to change that feeling and I highly recommend that book.
gentle hugs
ke
One of the best things I ever did for myself was read Melody Beattie's "Miracles in 40 Days" and I did the exercise suggested in the book. I thought it was a bunch of hooey for the first several days and I really didn't get it but I kept on doing it for 40 days. It turned my whole perspective around. I found a miracle and the miracle was....me.
I'm sorry that things feel so piled up right now and overwhelming. But there is a way to change that feeling and I highly recommend that book.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
I'm also glad you got that off of your chest. And you have very right to be irritated.
But rather than focus on how your A is comfortably tucked away in rehab, why not focus on the positive influence you are having with your son? Having raised three kids ( and the verdict is still out as to how well that was done lol), I know how hard it is to meet the demands of the extra-curricular activites and school ( especially those that have "packs"
)
I've had the days that all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs ( yes, even the "F" word) too. Venting is good and working through the anger is better than ignoring it. The trick is not to stay in the anger for too long.
I hope today is a better day
(((Hugs)))
But rather than focus on how your A is comfortably tucked away in rehab, why not focus on the positive influence you are having with your son? Having raised three kids ( and the verdict is still out as to how well that was done lol), I know how hard it is to meet the demands of the extra-curricular activites and school ( especially those that have "packs"
)I've had the days that all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs ( yes, even the "F" word) too. Venting is good and working through the anger is better than ignoring it. The trick is not to stay in the anger for too long.
I hope today is a better day
(((Hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
I sure remember those days when the kids were so involved and I seemed to be wolfing down terrible food before driving someone somewhere.
My kids are grown now and my life is very quiet. Too quiet!
At that time, my 3 kids were involved with soccer and AH coached. Some years there were 3 different house teams and 3 different rep teams (in our system you couldn't been on the rep team if you didn't also play house league). So that meant at least 3 practises and 2 games a week per child, plus the weekend tournaments, almost always out of town, and of course, the fundraising and fundraising events. They played year round and some played hockey too! And laundry! I was so sick of having smelly long soccer socks in the house.
But, we met a lot of very nice people through our kids attending activities that are still our friends. And I didn't appreciate how hard it is to be meeting new people without that type of activity.
And moreover, recently one of my daughters was catching up with an old team mate and as they were talking of the different kids on the team, they realized that all of them had gone on to be fairly successful adults both career-wise and personally. And she herself made the connection that being involved, with parental involvement, was a positive influence.
She had a conversation with one of her sisters about it, and then she did some reflecting and came up and told me that it was true for her and her team mates as well.
I don't pretend to be the perfect parent and have all the answers. Your post just struck me and I remembered how crazy it can seem to try and keep all the kids' activities going and trying to juggle it with work and some TLC for yourself. Just cheerleading, I guess, from the sidelines that it is so worth it for your kids, and for you, and you just never know when, or if, you might hear "thank you", but do it anyway! And, unbelievably, you may miss it when it's over.
Hope you are feeling better.
My kids are grown now and my life is very quiet. Too quiet!
At that time, my 3 kids were involved with soccer and AH coached. Some years there were 3 different house teams and 3 different rep teams (in our system you couldn't been on the rep team if you didn't also play house league). So that meant at least 3 practises and 2 games a week per child, plus the weekend tournaments, almost always out of town, and of course, the fundraising and fundraising events. They played year round and some played hockey too! And laundry! I was so sick of having smelly long soccer socks in the house.
But, we met a lot of very nice people through our kids attending activities that are still our friends. And I didn't appreciate how hard it is to be meeting new people without that type of activity.
And moreover, recently one of my daughters was catching up with an old team mate and as they were talking of the different kids on the team, they realized that all of them had gone on to be fairly successful adults both career-wise and personally. And she herself made the connection that being involved, with parental involvement, was a positive influence.
She had a conversation with one of her sisters about it, and then she did some reflecting and came up and told me that it was true for her and her team mates as well.
I don't pretend to be the perfect parent and have all the answers. Your post just struck me and I remembered how crazy it can seem to try and keep all the kids' activities going and trying to juggle it with work and some TLC for yourself. Just cheerleading, I guess, from the sidelines that it is so worth it for your kids, and for you, and you just never know when, or if, you might hear "thank you", but do it anyway! And, unbelievably, you may miss it when it's over.
Hope you are feeling better.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: hot as heck, az
Posts: 142
Thanks all for the kindness... yes today is better. I stumbled across an old post with "what's the difference between a good day and a bad day... one day" and i've been saying it to myself often.
I made it to my doc appt and good thing b/c she wants me to see a cardiologist. Its most likely nothing and if something probably stress related but what a wake up call to get my stress in check.
I am trying to go one day at a time but I see light at the end of a long tunnel with my mom possibly getting very close to getting her apt and moving out, which means i can work from home and amongst many other good things, not have to commute 2 + hours a day. Its hard to wait for that, but I've no choice and every day I'm closer to it than yesterday. Sometimes I feel impatient b/c it could be any day now she gets the call that her apt is ready.
Every time my mom throws a fit that my son's toys are here or there, I say a little gratitude prayer in my head b/c some mothers lost children and would give anything to sit on a Lego. Someday my house will be Lego free and I will try to recall what it was like to find Hot Wheels cars in the shower.
Its hard to do all these cub scouts activities right now, but i've compromised a little - i'm not going to bust my rear trying to go to the overnight campout. I told the leader we would arrive Sat morning when they start the badge activities. That way I don't stress about camping, gear, etc and still get to go to my meeting on Friday night. He still gets to do the stuff he wants (bb guns and archery are all on Sat).
today i went to dinner with my friend which was nice and necessary. HOpefully we'll be able to go see a movie next weekend. Most of the time I squeeze in some type of self care but lately I've been running around so much that my free time consists of watching about 15 min of TV before i crash. Speaking of which... I'm about to crash
I made it to my doc appt and good thing b/c she wants me to see a cardiologist. Its most likely nothing and if something probably stress related but what a wake up call to get my stress in check.
I am trying to go one day at a time but I see light at the end of a long tunnel with my mom possibly getting very close to getting her apt and moving out, which means i can work from home and amongst many other good things, not have to commute 2 + hours a day. Its hard to wait for that, but I've no choice and every day I'm closer to it than yesterday. Sometimes I feel impatient b/c it could be any day now she gets the call that her apt is ready.
Every time my mom throws a fit that my son's toys are here or there, I say a little gratitude prayer in my head b/c some mothers lost children and would give anything to sit on a Lego. Someday my house will be Lego free and I will try to recall what it was like to find Hot Wheels cars in the shower.
Its hard to do all these cub scouts activities right now, but i've compromised a little - i'm not going to bust my rear trying to go to the overnight campout. I told the leader we would arrive Sat morning when they start the badge activities. That way I don't stress about camping, gear, etc and still get to go to my meeting on Friday night. He still gets to do the stuff he wants (bb guns and archery are all on Sat).
today i went to dinner with my friend which was nice and necessary. HOpefully we'll be able to go see a movie next weekend. Most of the time I squeeze in some type of self care but lately I've been running around so much that my free time consists of watching about 15 min of TV before i crash. Speaking of which... I'm about to crash
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: hot as heck, az
Posts: 142
I know right? I had him in a private soccer league that didn't take as much time as Cub Scouts has so far. I wanted him in another sport like karate but I'm not sure how to fit it in. Truth is though he enjoys it so much that it is the perfect "be good" carrot right now. I can get him to snap out of just about any sassy behavior just by saying, "well, I guess we don't have to go to <insert cub scout activity here>"
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