Justlizzyd

Just finished reading Codependent No More, I will have to read it again and maybe even again to soak it all in. I am cover to cover all over this book. I have been codependent all my adult life, started in my teens. I can pinpoint the events in my life that forever changed me. So what the heck am I supposed to do now? How can a person change that has been that way most of their life?

dollydo

What you do is to resolve to get better, go to meetings, journal and read any all books on enabling and codependcey.

My mother is an alocholic, she has been drinking for over 65 years, my codependency started as a child, I had to try and save my parents and take care of my brother. That's where it started, I made many bad personal decisions as an adult and finally I found recovery. It took alot of hard work, alot of meetings, therapy and reading on this and other boards.

I am still a work in progress, yet at age 64 I am finally at peace, living alone and soooo
happy, no more trying to save someone else...me first.

So yes, you can change. Make your past a guidepost, not a hitching post, learn from your childhood, don't embrace it.

LifeRecovery

I have been working with a therapist and I really started some codie behavior by the time I started school.

I just read Dollydo's check list and I realized that though that the struggle is still there. It is not as often or severe. Most of the time I know immediately what I am doing, and talk about it with someone I trust. Then I get to change it in a new situation. It used to take me weeks, months, or years to even recognize what I was doing....never mind try to correct it.

Ann

I too have been codependent all my life, my son's addiction just triggered the worst in me.

For me, meetings and learning to work the 12 steps were the biggest help in learning new behaviours. And then practice practice practice, slip and learn some more and keep going.

Read, listen, share and grow. It will happen. You can overcome a lifetime of codependency, I know this because I did and I am a slow learner.

Hugs

hello-kitty

I learned to recognize my behaviors. I learned my triggers. I set personal boundaries for myself and I made a pact with myself I would stick with them no matter what. We can be anything we want to be. We just have to work at it.

I promised myself I would be my own best friend. I follow through on that promise. I go easy on myself. I never use to. I learned to recognize negative self talk and learned to counter everything negative I said to myself with three positives.

I take things day by day. 24 hours at a time. I have stopped beating myself up over the past. And I don't spend much time worrying about the future. I have faith that 99% of what I worry about never comes to fruition anyway so I make myself focus on what I can control - which is my behavior in the present moment. I try to make wise choices based on the facts that I have. And I accept that I am not in charge of the Universe. And I no longer try to be. I just need to be in charge of myself. And that's a big enough job for me.

Justlizzyd

Yep well no matter how hard it is, I am all in for changing....I'm ready to be happy with myself.

Kindeyes

Dollydo--I really loved that little tidbit! We do not have to be defined by our childhood or by our addicted loved ones.

Justlizzyd--
When I sat down with Codependence No More, I thought it would be a great idea to use a highlighter for the parts that seemed to apply to me. After the first several pages were highlighted entirely in YELLOW...I decided to stop highlighting and just read. lol If you recognized yourself in those pages, that was a great first step in moving beyond the denial (or unawareness) of codependent behaviors. Recognition and acknowledgement is the first step toward change.

Enjoy your journey through the recovery process.

gentle hugs
ke

outtolunch

I am a believer in rock bottoms.

For me, it came down to saving myself or going down with the ship.

I chose me, the only person I control.

mooselips

If I look back, I think my codependency problems started when my drunk father scared my mother. She became airborne down the basement stairs while she was carrying beer bottles entwined in her fingers to put in the case.


She sat on that floor all night, refusing to go to the hospital, because she had alcohol on her breath, I was 14, I wanted to drive her there.

My drunk father went to bed, slept nicely, I suppose, while I sat with her all night, and mopped up the blood all over her, from the broken beer bottles
.
Actually, she was lucky she had been drinking, she totally crushed her heel when she fell on it, perhaps it lessened the pain.

Yep, after that, I do believe that these people can't handle anything, I'll have to do it all for them. So, my codependency was actually a behavior that was rewarded by both of my parents. And I became an R.N. just to feed my Codie appetite all the more.

How very sad our experiences are.

But we have to realize that that is what they are, just experiences, and when we become knowledgeable of our harmful behaviors to ourselves, we can start changing.

I can be anything I want to be.

Justlizzyd

Yep, I'm pretty much at rock bottom.