itsanewday2011

Hi all - for those of you who I haven't met, my ex and I have scheduled supervised visits 2x/week with our 2 1/2 year old. I just started seeing a child psychiatrist to make sure I am "on top" of how they are handled for my child's sake.

This is horrible to say, but we have had three good visits in a row this last week or so with ex and our child (their visitations). I should be happy, right?

Then why I am I waiting for the "other shoe to drop" and for him to relapse yet again......Ex got out of rehab on March 25. Since then, it has been on/off again with his cocaine use (6 months!) He did have a month, July, where he had 8 visits in a row with our daughter. August was on/off again (esp after his dad gave him money!)

I almost feel guilty that I am "creating" this expectation that he will "relapse" again....I don't know why, sometimes that is easier....perhaps it is because I still haven't recovered from my codepdency and I actually thrive on the stress?

What is wrong with this picture? I should be happy that my daughter gets to spend time with her dad when he is "well". What is wrong with me???? I feel like a bad person....

HopeAwaits

I am glad the visits have been going well! It is hard when we get used to the shoe dropping and smacking us in the head. I still do it w my AXH, yet just today I am not worried about when it will happen. I was straight forward w him and got no response, he stopped throwing BS and stopped trying to call and text. After an hour I realized he didnt respond. It is a wonderful feeling and realization that I can not sit here and worry or wonder. I need to move forward and when it all starts back up, I will face it, but I wont fear it until then......
I didnt cause it
I cant cure it
and I cant change it!

remind yourself of that everyday!!

Kindeyes

One day at a time......

gentle hugs
ke

outtolunch

Not being high/passing a urine test is not the same thing as being well. Dad is the furthest thing from well. He's an addict doing what addicts do. How exactly does this benefit the child?

Does this dad consistently provide you with financial child support?

Freedom1990

Basing future behavior on past behavior when it comes to an addict is not unreasonable at all.

It took years for my parents to trust me after I got into recovery, and rightfully so.

mooselips

Well, it's nice to see that he seems to be making an effort to see her.


On the other hand, is it possible, that you are tired of this whole mess, and it would be easier for you if you didn't have to do the visitation at all?


Maybe you're harboring a little resentment, I know I do sometimes, concerning my son visiting his son, and he DOESN'T make an effort.


just thinking outloud here...

itsanewday2011

Hi everyone.....thanks for the comments. Yes, one day at a time...that is hard to remember.

Hope - thanks for the comments. Do you have visitations with your ex and child?

Kind - thanks for the wisdom - you always have such kind words. I tend to worry about that which I can't control...need to work on that.

Outtolunch - Our divorce decree stipulated child support was supposed to start in Sept. He already told me he couldnt afford it. I gave him "extra time" with the divorce "negotiations" since he didn't have a job and didn't ask for back child support for back to when we separated. I am waiting for the state paperwork to come through so at some point they will probably start garnishing his unemployment. On the flip side, he lost his job and I have a nice income so I am very lucky he didn't ask for spousal support (which, in my state and county, I heard judges will grant to men or women). He also didn't ask for any of my retirement (he spent all his), so I am not getting too feisty about it (yet).

Mooselips - you hit the nail on the head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It would be so much easier if we didn't have to do the visitation. My Thursday nights are then shot and then I can't really leave town for the weekend as I have to be back for his 3-5 pm sun visit. Also, he never plans anything so I end up having to be the coordinator.

I am going to talk to the child psychologist to get her take.

Thanks everyone for the support - I feel like I am being "petty"...good to know all these feelings are real and valid.

HopeAwaits

I do, but ours is vague...... 3 days a week up to 6 hrs. Currently we have to go w professional and well he wont pay for it. he is on Disability. But if he can find resources to pay for his relapse, he can find for this. I previously offered to split the cost and that wasnt good enough. So here we are! I know how you feel. You want to move your life forward seperate from him, yet you are stuck w him and his schedule. For a couple years he was at my house every weekend. Not much freedom and I learned to Bobb and weave at the shoes falling

itsanewday2011

Hi Hope - the "vague" schedule would be a challenge...so, it is you there too, or just a third party? I know all about the "bob and weave". Best to you!

HopeAwaits

Best to you to, in this challenge we face daily!
It was me before or my mother. But now it has to be a third party, since he can seperate it all and make it the best for our daughter. Of course i set it all up and he wont do it. so he hasnt seen her in over two weeks.