I dont know where to start
 

Hi everyone, I am the girlfriend of a man who knows he is an addict, but doesnt want to change it seams. He even sells the ****. We have been together for 4 years and have two girls. The oldest (is not really mine) is 14 and I think she can pick up on things. The youngest (is ours) is 2 and she may not understand whats going on but she can pick up on how he is feeling. He thinks that selling this stuff is helping to family fanancialy, but I think that the inconsistency of the money coming in, plus at the rate that to money leaves most of our bills are past due. He's always gone, always on his phone, and gets more and more parraniod everyday. I'm only 24 I love him but sometimes I feel like it's not worth the stress. I'm deprerssed alot and I dont know who to talk to. He always gets mad when I bring it up and then I lose track of what I'm talking about. What do I do? Where do I start? Please help...

I can definitely empathize with you. First, I'd say to start on YOU. Since you have children, you need to first be strong for yourself and then for your kids. I'd suggest AlAnon or NarAnon (both groups are for families/loved ones of alcoholics/addicts). The tough part, as I've been in a relationship with an addict myself (who has been in rehab for 2 months), is that they are different people when they are in their addiction. This has been my struggle...understanding this disease of addiction. I don't know if you knew your bf prior to his using drugs, but, either way, you need to think about your safety and the safety of your children (safety: not only physical but emotional). Unfortunately, drug addiction and its recovery is lifelong, so thinking about if this is the life you want.

I know how hard it is to love an addict (They are super charming and charismatic). I heard something recently from a friend who said, "You may love him, but you need to love yourself more."
Hope that helps!