lonelystar

Its been a while and alot has happened thought id come and share and possibly get some advice. Last week my son went out to a rave, something happened since then, something happened that terrified him. I later found out he took a couple of extasy pills , he told me he felt like dying that night, he didnt directly tell me what he took or what happened, but whatever it was there is terror in his eyes, and so the day after the rave he came clean not about what he took , it could be anything along with the pills, but he had symptoms, at first in the morning he was running around like a lunatic trying to pawn off some items he had, i just kept quiet, at one point he told me he had taken something , and he feels like he is going crazy, he couldnt stand still he didnt understand why and what was going on with him, i asked to take him to the er , he declined i asked to take him to intake rehab he said no , wht he did was take something to calm him down , not sure what , well since then it has been about a week or so, he is still having symtoms, like throwing up, very pale, anxious, how do i talk to him? , is there anything i can say to help him, what advice do I give him, does anyone know anything about extasy , what i feel is that he has come to the conclusion he has a problem but he wont seek help, he thinks he can do it on his own. Thanks for listening.

dollydo

What are your bounderies? Are you continuing to accept his using and allowing him to live at home?

If so, I must ask why? You are not helping him by enabling him, you are giving him a free pass to keep using. Last time it was Xanax, now it's Extasy, what's next?

Might be time for you to go to some meetings and get an understanding of what addiction is really about, believe me, enabling is his enemy, not his friend.

As for taking two pills, he is an addict, multiply it by three and you may be a little closer to the truth. Addicts lie, he is trying to con you.

Don't mean to sound harsh, however, it is time for you to take off your rose colored glasses, they are clouding your vision.

TMZ

I have no experience with that, but I wanted you to know you have been heard.

I do know that they will get help when they are ready. All you can do is offer advice and love.

Hope others that know about it will come around soon.

mayabee

How old is your son? If he is underage you may have more leverage as far as getting him help.

I don't know much about ecstasy although it's possible that what he took was actually something else - maybe amphetamines or methamphetamine.

So sorry for what you are going through.

lonelystar

thanks for the replies,

upon rereading what I wrote, I see my writing as desperate when I knew it would come to this, the drug use would get worse it was just a matter of time, and now i wish i can make all his pain go away, what am i doing???, maybe what he went threw scared him enough maybe it didnt, but in my gut I knew this day would come and so I see that I am not equipped to face it, I have given in to my enabling self, I have alot of thinking to do alot of errors to correct because in the end does it really matter what drug it was??? my son is in a dark dark place in his life a place where only he can get out of and all my tears wont bring him back maybe my prayers will.

Kindeyes

I'm sorry that your mother's heart is hurting. It is very painful to see our adult children (assuming your son is over 18) make poor choices. Unfortunately, those choices are theirs to make.......our tears, fears, anger, cajoling, pleading, begging, advising, sleepless nights, etc. won't make them make better choices if they don't want to. In fact, a good enabler (I was a gold medal winner--doubt anyone could do it better than me;-) is more harmful than helpful.

The best thing I did for myself (and my son--not to mention the rest of my family who had to watch my suffering on my son's behalf) was to begin working the program that I wished he would work. It hasn't "made" my son make better choices, but it's helping me cope with his poor choices better.

gentle hugs from another mom
ke

totfit

I really don't have a whole lot of helpful things to say other that the obvious. First I would say he is definitely not being truthful. It is doubtful "Ecstasy" caused any of these symptoms. The behavior he is exhibiting sounds more like crack cocaine or meth and continued usage. It is very difficult to get to the truth with someone that is using addictive substances as they can't get to the truth themselves often times. The sad part is that we often can't help someone until they at least are at a moment the can begin to get a bit truthful with themselves, then us. The best thing we can do in the mean time is take care of ourselves and look for a "break" in the other person.

MTSlideAddict

I'm sorry you are going through this.

When I was younger I experimented with drugs. Ecstasy usually made me laid back, and more sensitive to touch. Meth or cocaine had more of the symptoms you described. I know I would exhibit symptoms of paranoia, insomnia, delusions, and inability to sit still on either one of those two. His symptoms would have subsided after a day or two of no use however, so it sounds like the symptoms are being brought on by continued use.

If your son is an adult, there is nothing you can do. He has to make his path. You can beg, cry, or plea with him to stop using. You can tell him to get help, but if he doesn't want to, he won't. You will just make yourself sick. The only thing you have control over is yourself. You have the power to not allow this behavior to be acceptable in your environment. Enabling him or being codependent will not only allow his drug use to destroy your serenity and make you sick, but will allow him to continue on this path of destruction with no repercussions. The best thing to do is be kind to yourself, educate yourself on addiction and codependency, and look for positive support for you. Make boundaries of what you will and will not except in your home and in your life.

Keep posting. We are here for you.

hello-kitty

How old is your son?

Freedom1990

I agree. There is nothing to cause these symptoms a week later, so he's still using.

It is possible to love a child to death. I watched it in the little town where I live.

I no longer take a front row seat to my 33-year-old AD's addictions. She has the right to live her life as she chooses, no matter how poor I think it may be.

I have very limited contact with her, and if it were not for my grandkids, I'd have no contact at all.

You have an active addict living in your home.

I know for me, that is no longer a option, period.

coffeedrinker

Something jumped out at me in your original post....he thinks he can do it on his own.

There is nothing in this thread that suggests that he intends to "do" anything.

Yes, he was frightened. It happens all the time. My addict OD'd more than once, and the last time someone had Narcan and adminstered it. He was scared s*%tless.
But it didn't stop him in his tracks....just stalled it for awhile.

Once an addiction has taken root, it's a powerful thing. The horror of living with it needs to outweigh the tremendous pull to use.

Do all things you can, for yourself. You are powerless.

lonelystar

My son is 20 so he is considered an adult and i have no power to push him to go anywhere, he is a student and does work at times, not a full time job.but what i did today was find a NA meeting close to where I live, my first meeting will be this wed, i offered my son to come with me , he said he will go , that has yet to come true what i do know is that I am going to go with or without him. I am a little anxious as to what happens at these meetings , I also mentioned an outpatient rehab to my son that he also said yes to but that has happened before with no results but it never hurts to ask is what i think and hopefully if he makes it to the meeting we will both learn something.

hello-kitty

I think it's great that you found an NA meeting. He may or may not go. It really doesn't sound like he's that interested in quitting right now. I encourage you to attend a Naranon or Alanon meeting as well. It's geared towards Family Members of Addicts.

Also, Co-Dependent No More by Melanie Beattie is a very insightful read when our lives are turned upside down by someone elses drug addiction.

Kindeyes

I have not been to an open NA meeting yet. I'm just not sure that I would be comfortable there. Naranon is my home group, I go to an Alanon 12 step study group and very occasionally an Alanon meeting. I plan to go (someday) to an open NA meeting but I'm still trying to figure out whether I should or not, what am I trying to find out there, what are my motives for going.....etc. I'm not sure that I would add anything meaningful or get anything meaningful out of the meetings. I have a couple of friends who have encouraged me to go......perhaps I will someday.

But for now, I'm sticking to Naranon and Alanon as those meetings are specifically for someone like me. I am affected by the drinking and drug use of my son (very affected lol). I need to work on fixing me as I am not qualified to fix my son and the interaction I do have with him often seems to make matters worse.

It takes a lot of courage to walk into those rooms the first time. And, for me, it was a very strange experience but I kept going back. Initially, all I could do is cry. I couldn't talk. I couldn't read. I just said "pass" every time things seem to come around to me. But eventually, I began to find relief in the literature and the ritual of the meetings. I slowly began to feel better. Everyone at the meetings were warm and welcoming.

I hope you find comfort in some face-to-face support. I certainly did.

gentle hugs
ke

lonelystar

I sound so stupid why would i think a pill can give the symptoms of a runny nose, paleness , vomiting and then think he has stopping using when clearly he has not, he may want to stop but not enough, he may even be on the verge of taking that step why is it so bad to have hope, to give advice????, to help him find a doctor if he is asking for the help, should I just wait around to get that phone call or that knock on the door, ....where sorry to inform you Ma'am but your son has deceased.....we found him ......we did all we could do to try to save him......, anyways thanks for listening....

cc88

This hurts to hear I feel like hugging you.

My mom feels the same exact way, and im a little mama's boy. We dont like seeing our moms cry, or really any moms for that matter. My mom and I just spoke about this recently. I keep telling her that the truth of the matter is if that's gonna happen, its going to happen in spite of all the help you think you're giving. And if he REALLY wants help, you wouldn't be able to STOP him from getting to a doctor/rehab.

It sounds like he's using the illusion of willingness or the desire to get help as a manipulation tactic

Kindeyes

You do not sound stupid at all. You sound like a mother who loves her son. Your pain is palpable in your posts. If our love could cure them, none of us would be here.....and sometimes, we can love them to death or make ourselves very sick in the process of trying to control something that we have no control over.

The signature under my "name" says "There is no useful purpose in fearing that which we cannot control." Think about it.....is imagining that police chaplin coming to your door to advise you of your son's death making it not happen? Is that thought causing you pain? Is that thought making you do things because doing them will ease the pain and fear of a future that you are not powerful enough to predict?

Acceptance is very difficult. And it took me a long time to stop seeing that same scene play out in my head over and over and over again. It is a mother's worst nightmare. It was making me crazy. Once I realized that there was no useful purpose in having that kind of fear in my life--it wouldn't stop it from happening--and it was causing me sleepless nights and horrific anxiety......I accepted that it was a real possibility. My son is a drug addict. I cannot predict his future. And I will not dwell on a future that I have no control over. I will accept that he uses drugs and I wish he wouldn't but I cannot MAKE him stop.

Acceptance was the key for me. Acceptance is the key to my serenity. Acceptance is a lesson that we all learn in time. Time and life's experiences teach us acceptance. It doesn't mean we're stupid if we don't learn it in the same amount of time as someone else or can't just learn it because someone tells us to.

gentle hugs
ke

December2011

Thank you for your post, I am truly sorry for what you are going through.

It sounds to me like more then MDMA(beans). If he is going around finding things to pawn, he may be on more than beans, or he has been doing them for a long time, and has a tolerance, and if he just did two that doesn't seem like The case.

And if he is pawing-- he probably didn't have a "wake up call" He wants more drugs.

Addicts lie

MDMA is a very dangerous drug, and although a lot of people take it with no problem, I have seen one person take it just once and almost die. I am not trying to scare you, but it is serious.

Like I said before, he is probably on other drugs, could be crack, OXY, Meth. I am just saying that because of his panic behavior of trying to get drug money.

If your son is under 18 I would run to the nearest treatment, do whatever you have to do to get help. Addiction only gets worse over time if untreated.

My son is a 24 year old addict, and it started with things like weed, and beans. he now shoots OXY.

My thoughts are with you

lonelystar

Tommorow first appt with an outpatient rehab clinic, so far hes admitted he has an opiate addiciton , the last two days he was supposed to go to school and could not make it nor to his community service which he has another 30 hours to complete, I knew the school wouldnt work how is it going to work when your not you, your not my son , your an addict , last night I went to bed angry , at myself for being so weak so a long discussion with my husband this morning and an agreement as to setting boundaries, hes better than I am at setting them and until now I have been in his way, softening the blows, lying , making excuses. What we have decided is we are offering him rehab he has to pay for half, and absoulutely no contact with his "friends", by friends I mean the ones that help him and give him alcohol and listen to him, the ones that supply him with his drugs to make him feel better. From here Im going to have to let somonone else take over , Im not strong enough yet to go through with what has to be done, I know he has to feel the effects of what is drug use is doing to him I just hope I dont cave in. I do know that i am preparing for the worst and praying

Kindeyes

There is a saying.....never deny an addict their pain.

Unfortunately, we seem to FEEL their pain and we do things to make our pain stop.

It's very hard. We're here with you.

gentle hugs
ke