December2011

I just wanted to post a little bit about myself, because I think I will stay here. It has only been about a week, and you all have already helped a lot.

I am 42, and my only child is 24 addicted for 7 years. I live in Tampa, FL.
Firstly, I want everyone to know that you will always have my honesty in my posts (to the best of my ability to be honest with myself). I will also try my best to avoid burdening you with any unneeded drama, and get to the point. I will also do my best to help anywhere I can, and I will treat you all with respect.

I thank you all for being there. I do not think I have encountered a more caring group of people. Not that we are perfect, but I feel the genuine sincerity and kindness in your words, and it is humbling and helpful.
You understand things that others cannot truly understand if, they have not been in the situation.

Again, thank you 

It is hard admitting that I am some kind of enabler, my mind goes back and fourth on this all day. It is odd that I would find myself in this situation, because my Father was an alcoholic and drug user (valium), who died when I was young, because of long term drug use. I always blamed my Mother, in a way, because I wondered why she would just go to the store on command, and buy him more booze; why she would have me wait in the car with her for hours outside of a bar waiting for my dad to get out, why she let him abuse us. I swore that I would never put up with that kind of treatment, but I have. I think it is different because it is my son, and my love is unconditional.
In thinking back, over the last few years, I have done things I never thought I would do, and they seem normal now.

For example, just last month, when my son was flunking out of college, I did two of his term papers for him, so he wouldn’t fail. He did fail anyways, because he didn’t do the rest of his assignments, but what the Hec was I thinking? That is just one of the many foolish things I have done.
As some of you also know, I am going to go to Nar-anon for the first time on Thursday. I am willing to admit to myself that I need help with this. I do not have extended family; it is just me and my BF. My BF is supportive, but I have really dragged him into this, and he has loaned my son a lot of money over the past few years, and my son is living with us. I think my BF is a saint sometimes, but I am sure he has his limits. He is tired of this, and wonders why I can’t seem to tell my son no. In addition, I think my son is pretty good at manipulating my BF as well. I think he knows that my son will always come first. I am that bad that I feel I am willing to give up the love of my life over this.

I plan to truly work through this, and change my life (hard to believe I can). This forum is my first start at it, and although I want to be numb and forget there is a problem, I cannot and should not. I will keep you posted with the progress.

I hope I can be of some help to other people some day. I plan to give back, and never just take.

..and if I ever sound crazy, or am about to do something crazy, do not hesitate to let me know!

Thank you,
D

dollydo

Thank you for sharing with us.

Where is your sons father? Is/was he an addict?

Don't worry about the crazies, after living with an addict, I am more than a bit crazy...
as evidenced by some of my posts.

We are here to support you. I am glad that you are starting meetings, it was a life saver
for me.

Dolly

Kindeyes

D
Thanks for sharing a little about you. We all get where we are for some reason. It is very empowering to begin to realize that we DO have control but it's just not control over what we thought we had control over.

I've done some absolutely insane things to try to save my son from his own self destruction over the years. I occasionally still take a run at him thinking that we can have a relationship because I am getting healthier. It doesn't work so well and is evidence of my relapse into "insanity". I guess I'm a little slow and need those occasional reminders.

You are among friends here. Thank you for sharing your story. As you walk your path I hope you will share it. The good. The bad. The ugly. We all learn from one another.

Glad to hear that you're heading to a Naranon meeting. There is wonderful support there too. I have made some nice friends who understand me in a way that my "normal" friends cannot. Keep going back to those meetings. For me, it was pretty confusing at first. I honestly didn't "get it" but the pieces are coming together.

gentle hugs
ke

TMZ

Thanks for sharing.

In just sharing you are already helping..... Yourself and others who are struggling with issues themselves.

Knowledge is power and we all gain it from others experiences.

Welcome to your new extended family.

Ann

I'm glad you have found meetings and will be going. It's what finally helped me find my balance again and it's what led me to a better path where my life was no longer lived in fear.

Glad you joined us.

Hugs

hope213

glad u r here. an addict son will drive u insane. it is because we let them. put yourself first, u r the most important person. i know it is hard to let go. u can give them everything but unles they are ready for it it will just b a waste. keep coming back & know we r here. prayers,