I always thought I was one of the lucky ones.
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
I always thought I was one of the lucky ones. It's been a while....although I think about this place daily. I never thought in a billion years though that I'd be posting again....not like this. I always thought I was one of the fortunate ones who was only dealing with a boyfriend who was an addict. I always said I couldn't imagine what it must be like to be the parent of a child addicted to drugs. I held so much admiration for those moms and dads who were having to deal with such a horrible amount of pain. Well.........
My oldest daughter came to me about a week ago and admitted she's been addicted to roxicodone. No....she was never given a prescription for them. She apparently took them once and a while for a buzz then things started to spiral out of control over the past few months.....her and her boyfriend both. The saddest part of all is I had a feeling something was going on. I'm too embarrassed to tell you how much money I've given them over the past few months to help pay their bills.....it's in the thousands......
I did confront her at one point and asked her if she were on anything, cause you know....been through this with my ex and all. She's not working....hasn't been and there's no work here in this small town. Her boyfriend is the sole provider and pays 2 different baby's momma's child support so when she told of the amount going out vs the amount coming in........she's never lied to me about anything.
It still didn't sit right with me but.........I don't know. I just didn't want to think that my child. The one who cursed me daily for my smoking cigarettes.....that she could let herself go down such a bad road. But she did. Snorting at least 3 of those little blue demon pills a day.
Her and her boyfriend decided last Monday that they were sick of being sick and decided to quit cold turkey. I didn't hear from her until about day 6 into it. That's when she came clean. She asked if they could come here. Of course.......not only are my concerns for her but for my grandson who is now 4 years old and smart as a whip.
I went out and bought a bunch of healthy foods, vitamins, water, Imodium for the diarrhea.... She was in such pain.... By day 3 with me she started to feel a little better and they decided it was time to go home and try to get back to some sort of normal routine. Me....I'm a total basket case. This thing is gonna take months and maybe years. I've talked to them about going to meetings but everyone they've talked to has left the meetings wanting to use, so she's scared. I even offered to go with her till we found one she liked. And I did lecture her just a little because she said "I feel okay right now but I know later I'm gonna feel like crap". I told her not to set herself up for a bad day, that she has to convince herself that she's going to feel better day by day......it has to be mind over matter somewhat doesn't it?
I talked to her tonight and she said "so far so good" and was going to try and get some sleep which seems to be the hardest part of it all......sigh......me??? I'm a total train wreck. Trying to remember everything I learned here before when I was dealing with my ex....but it's harder this time. That's my little girl.
I'm physically and mentally exhausted. She told me she's glad God didn't make this easy on her. She said the pain of getting off those things was so great it's making her NEVER want to use again. One can only pray and let me tell you.....I've been praying like crazy. I told her I won't enable her anymore. The problem is my grandson. I can't think of him being without lights and a roof over his head. No....she hasn't asked me for anything......yet......but if it comes down to it, I just don't know how strong I'm gonna be. All I do is cry and stay up late into the nights doing as much research on this damn drug as I can get my hands on. It's hard considering I work more than a full time job.
I just never thought I'd be back here again.......but I honestly can't think of any place I'd rather come to then the place and people who got me through such a horrible time dealing with my ex and his crack addiction. I just wish I had better news........
My oldest daughter came to me about a week ago and admitted she's been addicted to roxicodone. No....she was never given a prescription for them. She apparently took them once and a while for a buzz then things started to spiral out of control over the past few months.....her and her boyfriend both. The saddest part of all is I had a feeling something was going on. I'm too embarrassed to tell you how much money I've given them over the past few months to help pay their bills.....it's in the thousands......
I did confront her at one point and asked her if she were on anything, cause you know....been through this with my ex and all. She's not working....hasn't been and there's no work here in this small town. Her boyfriend is the sole provider and pays 2 different baby's momma's child support so when she told of the amount going out vs the amount coming in........she's never lied to me about anything.
It still didn't sit right with me but.........I don't know. I just didn't want to think that my child. The one who cursed me daily for my smoking cigarettes.....that she could let herself go down such a bad road. But she did. Snorting at least 3 of those little blue demon pills a day.
Her and her boyfriend decided last Monday that they were sick of being sick and decided to quit cold turkey. I didn't hear from her until about day 6 into it. That's when she came clean. She asked if they could come here. Of course.......not only are my concerns for her but for my grandson who is now 4 years old and smart as a whip.
I went out and bought a bunch of healthy foods, vitamins, water, Imodium for the diarrhea.... She was in such pain.... By day 3 with me she started to feel a little better and they decided it was time to go home and try to get back to some sort of normal routine. Me....I'm a total basket case. This thing is gonna take months and maybe years. I've talked to them about going to meetings but everyone they've talked to has left the meetings wanting to use, so she's scared. I even offered to go with her till we found one she liked. And I did lecture her just a little because she said "I feel okay right now but I know later I'm gonna feel like crap". I told her not to set herself up for a bad day, that she has to convince herself that she's going to feel better day by day......it has to be mind over matter somewhat doesn't it?
I talked to her tonight and she said "so far so good" and was going to try and get some sleep which seems to be the hardest part of it all......sigh......me??? I'm a total train wreck. Trying to remember everything I learned here before when I was dealing with my ex....but it's harder this time. That's my little girl.
I'm physically and mentally exhausted. She told me she's glad God didn't make this easy on her. She said the pain of getting off those things was so great it's making her NEVER want to use again. One can only pray and let me tell you.....I've been praying like crazy. I told her I won't enable her anymore. The problem is my grandson. I can't think of him being without lights and a roof over his head. No....she hasn't asked me for anything......yet......but if it comes down to it, I just don't know how strong I'm gonna be. All I do is cry and stay up late into the nights doing as much research on this damn drug as I can get my hands on. It's hard considering I work more than a full time job.
I just never thought I'd be back here again.......but I honestly can't think of any place I'd rather come to then the place and people who got me through such a horrible time dealing with my ex and his crack addiction. I just wish I had better news........
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 136
Lovestoomuch,
My heart goes out to you. I'm truly sorry that you have found yourself in a similar situation - I too thought my days of dealing with someone else's addiction were over, but here I am - head over heels in love with an addict. My bf is also addicted to Roxicodone, so I completely understand your fear for your daughter.
It is very easy to become addicted to roxies and very difficult to overcome the addiction - the mental and physical addiction are both very powerful and soon the person becomes dependent on the drug. But I can honestly say that it seems that your daughter is truly sincere about wanting to get clean. And you are doing all the right things and handling this extremely well. You have not only done your homework, but you are applying what you have learned to your current situation. You're feeling your feelings, acknowledging them but not reacting in self-destructive ways - you are taking care of yourself and need to continue to do so.
Just remember to take things day by day - don't worry yourself into a bad emotional state. You can support your daughter throughout her recovery but she has to do the work, and so far she seems to be on the right path. You should feel good that she actually came to you for guidance and emotional support - that says a lot about what kind if parent you are.
Good luck and take care of yourself. Please keep us posted on how things are going.
Sending hugs and strength your way,
My heart goes out to you. I'm truly sorry that you have found yourself in a similar situation - I too thought my days of dealing with someone else's addiction were over, but here I am - head over heels in love with an addict. My bf is also addicted to Roxicodone, so I completely understand your fear for your daughter.
It is very easy to become addicted to roxies and very difficult to overcome the addiction - the mental and physical addiction are both very powerful and soon the person becomes dependent on the drug. But I can honestly say that it seems that your daughter is truly sincere about wanting to get clean. And you are doing all the right things and handling this extremely well. You have not only done your homework, but you are applying what you have learned to your current situation. You're feeling your feelings, acknowledging them but not reacting in self-destructive ways - you are taking care of yourself and need to continue to do so.
Just remember to take things day by day - don't worry yourself into a bad emotional state. You can support your daughter throughout her recovery but she has to do the work, and so far she seems to be on the right path. You should feel good that she actually came to you for guidance and emotional support - that says a lot about what kind if parent you are.
Good luck and take care of yourself. Please keep us posted on how things are going.
Sending hugs and strength your way,
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
Thank you for your kind words Artist. I pray to God you're right and my daughter is on the right path. My fear is her doing this without any professional help. I'm not real sure what the statistics are, but from what I'm reading......it scares me.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your ABF. It just makes me sick to my stomach to think that in order to get some cold and sinus meds you have to show your ID and sign this thing and then are monitored on how many you can purchase a month but all someone has to do is go to a doctor and say "I have an ouch" and BAM!! It's just that easy....especially down here.
My daughter named off 20 of her friends....just off the top of her head who are addicted to those pills. She knows she has to dis-associate herself from those people and that leaves her......well.....virtually friendless....which I told her is far better than the alternative, but still I worry.
She already wants to save the world from those little blue pills......even before she herself is feeling better.
Almost every family member on her father's side is an addict. She asked me if it can be hereditary and I've read it can be, but like I explained to her, if you know that then you have to know you can't just take one and think you're gonna be alright. I just hope she has an ounce of me in her and fights this demon with everything she has within herself.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your ABF. It just makes me sick to my stomach to think that in order to get some cold and sinus meds you have to show your ID and sign this thing and then are monitored on how many you can purchase a month but all someone has to do is go to a doctor and say "I have an ouch" and BAM!! It's just that easy....especially down here.
My daughter named off 20 of her friends....just off the top of her head who are addicted to those pills. She knows she has to dis-associate herself from those people and that leaves her......well.....virtually friendless....which I told her is far better than the alternative, but still I worry.
She already wants to save the world from those little blue pills......even before she herself is feeling better.
Almost every family member on her father's side is an addict. She asked me if it can be hereditary and I've read it can be, but like I explained to her, if you know that then you have to know you can't just take one and think you're gonna be alright. I just hope she has an ounce of me in her and fights this demon with everything she has within herself.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome home, Loves :ghug3
As CatsPajamas here says often...being the mama of an addict is not for wienies!
I'm nodding my head so hard I get whiplash because I know how awful this makes you feel, been there done that bought the t-shirt. The thing is, no matter how much I worried, no matter how sick I allowed myself to get, no matter what I did or did not do...it didn't change the outcome.
Your daughter seems determined to beat this and my prayers go out for both of you. As long as her actions match her words she just may have a fighting chance to find a better path. Friends mean nothing if they drag you into hell with them, but babies need a mama so hopefully she will focus on that and putting an end to the cycle of addiction.
Glad you came here, Loves, we're walking with you only this time I'm giving you a pair of "mama bunny slippers" because it helps us stop running so much and just relax and work our own recovery.
Big hugs and lotsa love
As CatsPajamas here says often...being the mama of an addict is not for wienies!
All I do is cry and stay up late into the nights doing as much research on this damn drug as I can get my hands on. It's hard considering I work more than a full time job.
Your daughter seems determined to beat this and my prayers go out for both of you. As long as her actions match her words she just may have a fighting chance to find a better path. Friends mean nothing if they drag you into hell with them, but babies need a mama so hopefully she will focus on that and putting an end to the cycle of addiction.
Glad you came here, Loves, we're walking with you only this time I'm giving you a pair of "mama bunny slippers" because it helps us stop running so much and just relax and work our own recovery.
Big hugs and lotsa love
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Hi Loves,
I guess I have to get the Pink Hummer out of storage and do a codie road trip!
Good to hear from you, sorry that it is under these circumstances. You know the drill, it's time for you to hop back on the codie recovery train, set your bounderies and stick to them.
We are here for you,
As Ever...Dolly
I guess I have to get the Pink Hummer out of storage and do a codie road trip!
Good to hear from you, sorry that it is under these circumstances. You know the drill, it's time for you to hop back on the codie recovery train, set your bounderies and stick to them.
We are here for you,
As Ever...Dolly
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
Thank you ladies. As much as I'd rather be going to Disney World or something, there's no place I'd rather be than right here with the people who helped me through one of the worst times in my life. Hopefully we won't have to dust off the hummer. Kinda looks good sitting in storage. And I sure hope I can fill those mama bunny slippers. I'm trying.....
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Hi Loves...welcome home.
I am so sorry to hear of your daughter's struggles. As you know I too have been where you are.
As was said, losing sleep and letting the worries consume you will not do a thing to change the outcome. But I know that there are certain things we just have to work through.
For now, lets just hold out hope that she is indeed on the right path. As far as help in recovery, she may still turn to it once her feet feel on more solid ground.
Hang in there Loves...we're here when you need us.
I am so sorry to hear of your daughter's struggles. As you know I too have been where you are.
As was said, losing sleep and letting the worries consume you will not do a thing to change the outcome. But I know that there are certain things we just have to work through.
For now, lets just hold out hope that she is indeed on the right path. As far as help in recovery, she may still turn to it once her feet feel on more solid ground.
Hang in there Loves...we're here when you need us.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 136
Originally Posted by Lovestoomuch 
My daughter named off 20 of her friends....just off the top of her head who are addicted to those pills. She knows she has to dis-associate herself from those people and that leaves her......well.....virtually friendless....which I told her is far better than the alternative, but still I worry.
I thought that before practicing medicine, all doctors must swear to first "do no harm" to their patients??? I do understand that many people buy the pills on the street and don't actually have a prescription but there are also many doctors who are knowingly over-prescribing these pills to patients who are not in chronic pain, or are not monitoring their patients who actually do need them.
But I've been to my bf's pain clinic, and it is a legitimate medical facility, not some "hole in the wall" clinic that just gives out pain meds to anyone who walks in off the street. My bf doesn't just walk in and pick up his prescription either - he sees his doctor every month and his blood is screened to make sure that there are no other drugs in his system - but his doctor continues to over-prescribe the medication. I just don't understand how he can't see that he is dependent on the pills in order to function normally? He's taking 6 30-mg roxicodone a day - how can I doctor not see that this is a problem, that he is beyond addicted?
Sorry for rambling on about this, but I'm just so frustrated with this whole situation. It angers me to see so many people overtaken by this drug, and the worst part of it all is that I can't do anything about it.
At least your daughter has been honest with you - it sounds like she is really serious about getting clean if she is telling you so many details, not hiding anything from you. To me, that is definitely a step in the right direction.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
Welcome as a parent - although I'm terribly sorry to have to say that.
Do not be ashamed of the enabling. We gradually slid into it before that alarm starts to ring a bit and then we manage to ignore the alarm for a while because we are too afraid of facing what it is telling us. Finally, part of admitting the enabling also helps us in our own recovery from it.
Big hugs to you from one Mom to another.
Do not be ashamed of the enabling. We gradually slid into it before that alarm starts to ring a bit and then we manage to ignore the alarm for a while because we are too afraid of facing what it is telling us. Finally, part of admitting the enabling also helps us in our own recovery from it.
Big hugs to you from one Mom to another.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Like others have said my friend - Welcome home, we missed you but also hoped you wouldn't have to return.
Please know there are lots of prayers being said for you, for her and her BF & that precious little grandson!
Remember we have been gently reminded "when are loved ones are at their worst in their disease, we need to be at our best in our recovery."
I know it's hard to imagine but to have a little one suffer without some things for a temporary time so that his parents can develop and regain their self-esteem, self-worth, and dignity then becoming the healthy parents he needs for the rest of his life - might be hard to bear but maybe worthwhile in the long run.
Will join you in pray for guidance and direction so you know what is best for you to do -
OH & YOU know I'm on that PINK HUMMER !! it matches me!
PINK HUGS my friend!
love ya,
Rita
Please know there are lots of prayers being said for you, for her and her BF & that precious little grandson!
Remember we have been gently reminded "when are loved ones are at their worst in their disease, we need to be at our best in our recovery."
I know it's hard to imagine but to have a little one suffer without some things for a temporary time so that his parents can develop and regain their self-esteem, self-worth, and dignity then becoming the healthy parents he needs for the rest of his life - might be hard to bear but maybe worthwhile in the long run.
Will join you in pray for guidance and direction so you know what is best for you to do -
OH & YOU know I'm on that PINK HUMMER !! it matches me!
PINK HUGS my friend!
love ya,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Loves))) - welcome home, sweetie. Sorry for what has brought you here, but glad you found your way back. We can't take the pain and fear away, we can't cure your daughter, but we can certainly be here for you.
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
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