Justlizzyd

So after reading the "Open Letter To My Family" yesterday, I tried to be nicer to my AH and not condesending. The first hour at home I was quiet and there was a lot of anger I had inside of me. I decided to let it go and I was nice to AH instead of the b*t@h I have been when he is using. I knew he would be high when I got home. He could not wait till the long weekend was over so he could go get some. I know his patterns like the back of my hand. So anyway, it was a lot nicer for me because I did not sit and stew all evening. I did not sit there and think of the 101 reason's why I need to kick him out of the house. I might need to kick him out, have not decided on that yet, but yesterday I was peaceful and nice. He was shocked to say the least. I guess I will try and take one day at a time.

hello-kitty

Accepting that addicts are going to use drugs and lie about is key to our recovery.

Nothing we do will get them to stop. Nothing we say. Nothing.

We didn't cause it.
We can't control it.
We can't cure it.

We can take care of ourselves and make wise choices for our future.

One day at a time.

Kindeyes

It is amazing how changing our own behavior can make a person feel better!
gentle hugs
ke

MsPINKAcres

congratulations to you!

You treated yourself, your home and your AH with dignity and self-respect. Whether anyone else notices or not - YOU and your HP know and that's all that matters!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

dj73

Good for you! I'm impressed. I think I have a good day every other or every third day. It's sooo hard not to nag, question, or yell.

Justlizzyd

I used to be nice to him high or not high. I guess about a year ago I lost all hope. I started feeling put out, taken advantage of, and started to loath him when I knew he is using. I always know when he is using. It makes me so darn mad that he tries so very hard to act normal when he is high. I mean come on, does he think I am an idiot? I am NOT his mother nor do I want to be. He acts like I did when I was a teenager coming home from an evening drinking and trying to cover it up from my mom. It's time for him to grow up! We are not freaking teenagers anymore....we are pushing mid-life here! Who does he think he is trying to fool? YIKES, I'm venting again. I guess better here than at home. It is good to get stuff off my chest!

Justlizzyd

Not really...

Justlizzyd

I don't know how to act actually. He knows I hate it and I feel hate towards him when he is using. I don't want to reward him for using, but I don't want to make things worse. I do want him to get better no matter if we stay together or not. I do love him, that is the only thing keeping me from giving him the boot.

hello-kitty

It's about letting go. He is free to do what he wants. You are free to do what you want. You don't own him. He's a big boy. He can make his own choices, no matter how reprehensible they are to you. And you are free to stay or to go.

This is where I think the boundary setting came in for me. I examined my values. I realized I wasn't living up to them. I changed my life.

Unfortunately my ex was a dead weight holding me back from achieving my dreams. I had to move on. Of course, it was painful at the time. But as I became clear about what I wanted for ME, and his lifestyle clearly wasn't it, I realized I had to p*** or get off the pot. I didn't want to waste one more precious moment of my life waiting for a known liar and drug addict to miraculously transform into the guy that I wanted to be with.

Suspicious

thank you for that gem.