courtneykay

Hey everyone. I've posted here before, and about my ex-boyfriend in some other forums. For those of you who don't know, he is an addict, use(d?) to do speed, and smokes marijuana.

Our relationship has been abusive. I am very codependent on him. I realize this. I am trying to focus on ME and trying to get better for ME.

Yet I still feel so connected to him. I still find myself wanting him despite all of the pain and suffering he has caused me. I still find myself wanting him even though he isn't sober.

We broke up about a week ago. We both had different reasonings for wanting to end the relationship. His excuse was that he needed to focus on himself on his path to sobriety. Which of course I am all for! If he wants to get sober then I support him completely, even if it means we can't date each other. He told me that he has tried cutting everything else out of his life - including his friends, but he still smokes and so he needs to cut me out too and see if it will make him stop smoking.

Of course being single hasn't made any difference. He's still hanging out with the friends he supposedly "cut out" of his life. He's still dealing, he's still using, more than when we were together. I know that everything he told me was a load of BS.

So why am I still attached?

Then I come to find out that he is talking to this other girl. Let me just repeat myself when I say we have been broken up for a WEEK. One. Week. And he is already talking to another girl. He told me he wanted to be single to focus on himself, doesn't really seem like that's true...It hurts. It hurts to see him with another girl. Especially because I have history with her..she was nasty to me, called me names like crazy, psycho, etc. and always tried to convince my boyfriend to break up with me.

I should let them be together, and not care. I know he won't be a good boyfriend to her either. But I am SO jealous. I don't know why. I don't want to be jealous. I know how horrible our relationship was. Yet I find myself thinking of all the good times and love we shared and then I start wanting him back and getting jealous..

Why? How do I get over this?

Any advice, any words of wisdom would be appreciated..I really am trying. I really do want to be independent and focus on myself. It's just a lot harder than I expected.

allforcnm

Im sorry to hear about the pain you are experiencing. I think you are off to a good start in recovering from the relationship because you are already seeing that there were many things unhealthy about it. From my experience, when you end a relationship, even a bad one; you have to give yourself time to grieve. You are grieving for what was, and also for the future you hoped for. Something that has helped me deal with my emotions is journaling; write out the good, the bad, and then go back and read it when you are less emotional. It really helped me to identify things about myself; what I wanted, why I wanted them, what type of correction I need to make in myself to get the life I wanted (if any - lol) and so forth. Most of all, be kind to yourself and know it takes time, loss is loss and it hurts.

crissyybabyyxx

You will always have your memories. I still find myself looking back on "happier" times with the person I was "with" and I end up laughing/smiling. Then of course it makes me upset because thats just not how it is anymore.
You are completely right btw, he will not be a good boyfriend to her....or anyone.
He clearly has lied to you, and after having to put up with him you should be done.
I know through experience, it is not easy to let go.
It hard and it can be scary...I'm trying to work on it now.
I have the urge everyday to text or call my "friend" but I know it wouldn't have a good outcome and I would get hurt more from an answer I wasn't hoping for or no answer at all.
I wish I could tell you there is a simple way to get over him and to just focus on yourself...but I don't know how.
I truly think that time heals and eventually you will learn to cope.
That's what I am hoping at least because that's all I have left.

I say a prayer every night for the people I know who need help, even though I have been hurt by them.
That's all you can do. Pray.

I also tell myself that it is a blessing that I have the option to leave my relationship now, rather than later. That way I do not get myself into trouble and get emotionally damaged.
Think of leaving him as a blessing....if that makes any sense lol....I wish you nothing but the best!!! (: Stay positive & you will make it through

allforcnm

This is wonderful.