NotSoSmart

I go to my Alanon meeting every other Friday. The other Friday is Naranon. I like the alanon group b/c of the size, organization and its a healthy group of people. I like Naranon too but its much smaller and there hasn't been as much consistency in the people who show up week to week and they're all pretty new to this like me.

I decided to get a sponsor through the Alanon group. That was a over a month ago. First I said I needed to get to know people better to see who is a good fit. Then 2 weeks ago I found that person... I tried to talk with her after the meeting but she was busy talking with someone else. I went again last night but when they stated "will all available sponsors raise their hands", she didn't raise hers. I'm not sure if that is b/c she was chairing the meeting. Her name is marked on my phone list as a sponsor. I tried to talk to her again after the meeting, again she was surrounded by others.

I am very shy by nature, but for some reason in this group it gets turned up 100x and I feel like a total fish out of water, not b/c anyone treats me that way. A lot of them have been going to meetings a long time and know each other well (from other meetings) through the years.

Blah I feel like a big chicken today. I am working my step book and completed the exercise on step one. However stubborn me is struggling with step 2 and I think I need some guidance. I haven't picked up the book in 2 weeks.

Freedom1990

That's why phone lists are given out...so we can call people. Her name is on there so people can call her, yes?

NotSoSmart

Yes, I have rehearsed a million times in my head what to say, but still not convinced i wouldn't start stammering and sound like an idiot. I'm worse on the phone than I am in person. I'm not usually this big of a wimp...I'm just going to have to buck up and do it!

Freedom1990

I can't tell you how much it has helped my recovery when other women in the program have called me, regardless of the reason for the call.

You're making a mountain out of a molehill, I promise.

MTSlideAddict

You're not the only one that gets the jitters when dealing with something new. This is all a new experience for you, so I'm sure it has got to cause anxiety. At least you have been to meetings. I haven't even gotten that far yet. I keep telling myself that I will go Friday. Then Friday rolls around and I just don't go for whatever reason. I prefer electronic versions or books; less anxiety. Part of it, with me, is laziness the other is not having the guts. The thought of looking at everyone face to face and telling them my issues terrifies me. Meeting someone new to talk about the issues scares me too. I heard that it takes time, though. Keep trying, I'm sure it’s not that bad. Now, hopefully I can follow my own advice.

EJG123

Maybe you'd be less nervous if you picked a male sponsor?

Kindeyes

Of course the reason that any of us are chicken is because we are afraid of that word. You know the word I am talking about. The dreaded word......no.

No is not a bad word. Being a sponsor is a huge honor but it's also a huge responsibility. If she is already sponsoring one or more individuals, she may have to balance her life and not be able to take on another sponsee right now. That's where that dreaded word comes in.

No doesn't mean someone doesn't like you! No doesn't mean that you are unworthy in any way! It is simply that each of us has to use balance in our lives so don't take it personally if she is unable to sponsor you. She may have some great suggestions on others who are prepared to sponsor.

So.....now that we've faced that evil word "no".....try picking up the phone. You may be pleasantly surprised.

gentle hugs
ke

laurie6781

Okay, here's a solution for you.

Call her. Identify yourself as fairly new from the XXX meeting. Then when she responds say one word:


HELP


Since she is on the phone list as a 'sponsor' she will get 'it' trust me. Boy will she get 'it'.

Then, she will definitely understand the 'blubbering and crying' until you can actually ask her to 'sponsor' you.

Works EVERY TIME.

J M H O based on my personal experience being on both sides of the street in both AA and Alanon, lol for many many years.

Love and hugs,