dj73

My pill addicted husband has relapsed and now he is also a crack addict. This is all very new information to me and he says he really wants to be done with the crack. He hasn't had pills in probably a week. I realize I am very codependant. I'm making some progress, though. He has no money (he also hasn't given me part of his paycheck in weeks like he is supposed to). Should I be buying him cigarettes? Obviously I'm not giving him cash, I would have to go get them for him.

Freedom1990

I don't do for someone else what they can/should be doing for themselves. If your AH is not budgeting his paycheck, why should you pay the price, including purchasing his cigarettes.

Ultimately the decision is up to you of course.

I recently helped my youngest daughter with groceries but she was working two part-time jobs and having trouble making ends meet after paying bills. That is a situation I did not mind helping with as she was being responsible with what money she did have.

Just my two cents worth.

dj73

He didn't ask for me to buy them. But I didn't anyway. I'm pretty proud of that.

dollydo

Good for you. Keep working on your codependency issues, are you going to Alanon or Naranon meetings? If, not I would suggest that you do so.

artist83

Don't buy him anything...if he can come up with the money to support his addiction, he can also find the funds to buy cigarettes, food, etc.

Stay strong and keep up the tough love.

Sending hugs and strength your way,

dj73

Thanks for the support. I went to an Alanon meeting once a couple of years ago. I felt very uncomfortable. I'm kind of shy, so it makes it difficult. I'm looking to try another one soon. However, I feel really strong because I have a good relationship with God. It has only gotten stronger, and I can't help but wonder if that is why this has happened in my life.

Taking5

No. Don't buy him cigs. Go back to Alanon, even if it is a bit uncomfortable.

hope213

do not do for him what he COULD do for himself. anything u give him is enabling.

caughthiminject

No way! My AXBF's mother and grandmother like to buy him food (so he eats healthy), wash his clothes and do other little things for him. I see this as enabling. He doesn't appreciate it or do anything for them. He just takes it for granted now, like they should be taking care of him (he's 34) and what he saves he can spend on beer and cigarettes, drugs, and toys like guitars and camping gear.

hello-kitty

Do not buy a crack addict cigarettes. If he wants smokes, he can cut back on his rock purchases and buy them himself. That's coming from a former crack head.

Making things easy or comfortable on an active addict only feeds the addiction and the illusion that "my drug problem isn't so bad... my wife still buys me smokes!")

Justlizzyd

If you buy him cigarettes, you will be like me. At first you will feel like you are helping him and after a while, you will get resentful. It most likely will not stop at cigarettes. I know, living it now.