WiltedLily

My AH had a relapse last night after having such a good run. He has decided to go to NA and start coming to SR. I have had all my previous posts deleted since I didn't want him to get on here and possibly see them and get discouraged. The titles of the threads would pretty much give it away, ya know? Thanks to everyone who has given me advice and support. I am so happy that he has finally decided to get help. Real help, not the I can do it on my own stuff. I really think talking to others who are in similar situations, people who have been there is going to make a world of difference. to all of you!!!!!!!

hello-kitty

Recovery is a long haul for an addict. Saying you are going to do it is the easy part. Doing it is hard work that requires a commitment like nothing else. When we are around a drug addict long enough, we become as sick as they are in a different way. We need our own recovery as well. Attending alanon is a great place to find this. Then no matter what his choices are, you will have your boundaries firmly in place, and you'll be able to stand strong and proud.

Also, you may want to read Codendent No More. It will help you recognize and move beyond any enabling tendencies that you may have.

Good luck! Keep reading and posting. This site is for you not him. And you shouldn't have to protect him or his feelers from knowing the pain his addiction has caused you. Learning to with life on lifes terms is PART of his recovery and something he will need to embrace if he is ever going to get better.

WiltedLily

Right now he is looking for local NA meetings, and then is going to check out the SR site and start using that as well, obviously in the Substance Abuser section, not the friends and family section. I'm also in the process of looking for meetings for myself as well. He knows what he has put me through, I've told him over and over again. He has just never seen it written down for others to read and I just don't want him to possibly get discouraged from it.
Also, a question. What is the name of meetings for family and friends of substance abusers? Nar-Anon? I don't want to show up at a meeting and find out its not what I was looking for. Thanks.

tjp613

Yes, Nar-Anon.

I live in a major metropolitan city and there are no Nar-Anon meetings here! If you find that to be the case where you live, Al-anon will serve just as well.

Good luck to both of you.

WiltedLily

Thanks to you all. I deleted because the title of the thread was "My husband is eating fentynal patches again" I didn't want him to be looking around the site here and see that, and know for a fact that the post was about him. He doesnt know my screen name, but the title would have totally given it away. The delete was more because at this fragile stage of trying something new, I didn't want to take the chance of him seeing that, the number of replies and the "negative" comments toward him by others (I know that they were words to help me and not meant that way, but he will see it as an attack on him) and think this is a bad place to be. I have read through the thread so many times, I think I have it memorized! I just figured for a while, I will make the titles to my threads a little less obvious, until he gets used to people around here and not realize that everyone will automatically hate him or judge him.

As far as the Nar-Anon meetings, I'm not sure if there are any close, but I do know that there is NA meetings here in town. I will be checking into that more tomorrow. Thanks again.

NotSoSmart

In the field I'm in, I've learned he is not the first, nor last person to eat his Fentanyl patches. He may not be as unique in that regard...

I had thought about sharing this site with my A, but then decided against it. I wouldn't want her in my Al Anon or Nar Anon meetings either. this is just for me, and there are scores of other sites out there for addicts. Just be sure you think this through before you give up something that was once for you, for him.

WiltedLily

I don't plan on giving this site up at all. And if you all have suggestions to other sites, please do tell. I haven't found one as active as this one.

Freedom1990

Is there any reason he can't get on the computer and find his own recovery sites?

We are talking about an adult, yes?

WiltedLily

He can look up sites, I just figured I could tell him about some as well. It took me quite a while to find this one.

hello-kitty

Hi Lily. I think the point is that we should not do for an addict seeking recovery what they are capable of doing for themselves. Doing the leg work IS the biggest part of recovery.

I hope he follows through on NA meetings! And I am glad you are looking for a meeting for yourself. Alanon or Naranon are both good. Also, get a copy of Codependent No More if you can find it. It will help you discern any enabling behaviors you might have.

I'm glad you found us and I'm glad you are here.