caughthiminject

He's so sorry, he loves me so much, he bought 'us' a puppy (even though I leave Friday). I have been so happy in Australia and happy being part of a couple and loving him so much. He still loves me so much, he can't live without me, blah, blah, blah. He doesn't have a problem, it won't happen again (or it only happens every couple years), he'll cut back on drinking, he's going to walk the new dog every day and get healthy, we'll have kids one day, blah, blah, blah. It's not fair. Even when I leave, I still have to feel the pain of the loss, I have to feel the anger/guilt/upset or whatever it is that I am the one who has to break it off and try to find a way to restrain myself from contact or answering his contact. Which is going to be really hard as we talk every day even when I'm back home we Skype daily. So how am I going to be strong enough to stop that? Yesterday he was so great, I could almost pretend that it never happened. The only problem is that it DID happen. Please, make me strong. I'm so afraid I'm going to crack up and just forget about it. I know there will be a next time as he won't get help. It's only a matter of time before he has another accident (he's banged up his car drunk and has no idea what he hit or where he was before) or gets HIV from shooting up. Then where am I going to be? Please make me strong. Please help me be strong.

lightseeker

I agree with Anvil....post until you don't need to post. You'll get through this and you are doing the right thing.

I had to learn on my friends and co-workers today......all the "I love you, I'll do whatever it takes, now I realize how much you mean to me, I'll go to counseling, I won't drink, please give us a chance" weakens my resolve. Luckily, I knew to reach out and get support - which is exactly what you have done.

I realize how easy it is to get into "the trance". But....nothing really has changed at all. I love how Anvil had you replace I love you with I control you.....it's the truth. I, for one will be right here and hope that you will keep posting until you get through this. I do know how hard it is but also know that you can make it. It's not much longer until you will be able to leave.

I thought of the first 3 months after my marriage ended as a detox....it was REALLY hard but thinking about it that way really helped me. It also helped me to realize what an addiction I had to my relationship....not just to my husband.

Stay strong......sending you hugs and strength!

Ann

You will be okay, yes you will. Once you have some space between you it will help you regain your clarity and balance. And yes, it will hurt for a while, but not for a lifetime.

Sending hugs because you sound like you need them.

dollydo

He is trying to manipulate you, you know that. He is pulling every trick out of his bag, to get what he wants...for now.

Hopefully, there is someone else on board to take care of the poor dog, I can guarantee you that he won't be responsibile enough to properly care for the dog.

When you return home, there is no reason to be in contact with him, all it will do is keep you dangling on a string, getting yourself all wrapped up in his issues, his addiction.

Only a few more days to go, try to keep your distance from him, keep posting, it will help.

caughthiminject

This dog was a $700 impulse (debt) buy plus the gear for the dog coming to over $1000 of money he doesn't have. From a pet shop (I rescue dogs so this is not what I would have wanted). I woke up at 5am to make the dog's breakfast. His mom thinks that maybe this will be good for him. Yeah, right. He already has said if it doesn't work out, he knows he can pawn it off onto her. I probably could have stopped him from buying the dog but I am giving up controlling behavior. He wanted it, he would have fought me if I said it was a bad idea. She's very sweet and little, and I hope this all goes well for her. Two more days and I am on that plane. I am lucky that I do have the support of his brother's girlfriend. We just spent hours on the phone and she helped me to feel less crazy. Her boyfriend (his brother) called two nights ago and it resulted in another big fight. "You turned me into my family, you have a big mouth, you ruined my life, my brother agrees that it's mortifying that you told everyone, etc, etc". I could only hear one side of the conversation. She reassured me that no one is upset at me for telling them. She also agreed that they will probably all forget about it because they've been enabling him long before I came on the scene. His 94-year-old grandmother cooked us dinner last night because she hopes good meals will keep him off the beer and drugs. Here I am sitting here with this dog.

LifeRecovery

I had to remember it was NOT the words, it was action behind them that I needed.

I still really struggle with this.

I am only realizing now that because of his A the actions were not going to be able to be present in our relationship without some recovery.

Gosh that sounds simple, but I know it is not easy.

Thinking of you.

newnormal4me

Hang in there! You are almost there. You can do this.

Don't forget that if you take away the "he did it", you are still left with horrendous drinking. None of it good...and all progressive and headed nowhere without TONS of rehab/recovery/desire.

****{hugs}}}

JustAYak

I feel bad for that puppy. I hope you find sanity soon when you leave. It will be waiting for you outside of Australia.