3 months....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
3 months....
Hi everyone....I've been continuing to move forward since leaving my husband in late May. I've been back in my house for almost a month now and am finally feeling more settled and like it's "normal" to be here. The boys continue to be really happy to be back. I'm working a ton more to make the bills - but am grateful that I had been working part-time in an environment where I can add all of the hours that I want -any day of the week. I'm worn out but luckily....adore my work.
I've consigned my engagement ring and that will help to pay off my attorney's fee and moving expenses. I'm working with the loan modification people as well. I know that might impact my credit but I'm ok with that at this point. My plan is to stay here until June 2013 and then move/down size.
I went out with a "friend" from the past a few times in the last week. I was so excited that I recognized red flags and made NO excuses for him. He is generous to a fault and loves to go to nice restaurants....so it seemed like a pretty nice deal at first. However, heard him placing a $600 bet on Friday night and then on Saturday night he drank 13 beers while out at a party with old friends. Of course, he explains that he "normally" doesn't drink that much. Hello? 13 beers and still standing? In the past, I would have excused it and believed that it was because he was with old friends, blah blah blah. Made me appreciate my dog and NOT having to deal with wacky stuff.
Legal stuff is somewhat settling down. Hopefully, my husband will just drop all of his legal actions. He has continued to lie to me about things (like the IRS refund that came....) but that is per usual. He had been sober for almost 6 years but now believes that he is only a drug addict and not an alcoholic. Yep....he's drinking again....but only one or two so that proves that he doesn't have a problem. I hope that he's right - but I'm not taking a ring side seat for the show. He still wants to "make it work with me" but if I don't hurry up he's going to have to find someone else to "f*ck". In case it doesn't work out with me he's been practicing drinking....Of course, he can't date without drinking because "who wants to be with an alcoholic?" He just wants to be "normal".....so he says. I'm sure he does. I'm sure he does.
I have sad feelings about all of that but knew that was the most likely thing to happen. Separating has been more difficult than I ever would have imagined. Not because I want to be with him but due to the death of my own hopes and dreams. BUT.....it is getting better. I enjoy the serenity and lack of chaos and craziness.
I'm still so grateful to each of you that has walked this walk with me....and continue to walk it. I get so much from each of you and every day I am reminded of how important it is to keep working my own recovery.
Happy start of school everyone! Donna
I've consigned my engagement ring and that will help to pay off my attorney's fee and moving expenses. I'm working with the loan modification people as well. I know that might impact my credit but I'm ok with that at this point. My plan is to stay here until June 2013 and then move/down size.
I went out with a "friend" from the past a few times in the last week. I was so excited that I recognized red flags and made NO excuses for him. He is generous to a fault and loves to go to nice restaurants....so it seemed like a pretty nice deal at first. However, heard him placing a $600 bet on Friday night and then on Saturday night he drank 13 beers while out at a party with old friends. Of course, he explains that he "normally" doesn't drink that much. Hello? 13 beers and still standing? In the past, I would have excused it and believed that it was because he was with old friends, blah blah blah. Made me appreciate my dog and NOT having to deal with wacky stuff.
Legal stuff is somewhat settling down. Hopefully, my husband will just drop all of his legal actions. He has continued to lie to me about things (like the IRS refund that came....) but that is per usual. He had been sober for almost 6 years but now believes that he is only a drug addict and not an alcoholic. Yep....he's drinking again....but only one or two so that proves that he doesn't have a problem. I hope that he's right - but I'm not taking a ring side seat for the show. He still wants to "make it work with me" but if I don't hurry up he's going to have to find someone else to "f*ck". In case it doesn't work out with me he's been practicing drinking....Of course, he can't date without drinking because "who wants to be with an alcoholic?" He just wants to be "normal".....so he says. I'm sure he does. I'm sure he does.
I have sad feelings about all of that but knew that was the most likely thing to happen. Separating has been more difficult than I ever would have imagined. Not because I want to be with him but due to the death of my own hopes and dreams. BUT.....it is getting better. I enjoy the serenity and lack of chaos and craziness.
I'm still so grateful to each of you that has walked this walk with me....and continue to walk it. I get so much from each of you and every day I am reminded of how important it is to keep working my own recovery.
Happy start of school everyone! Donna
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
OMG......just received this little note from "The Universe" (a website that sends out a daily thought that just seems to always be right on the target).
"when walls close in, skies turn gray, and dreams seem like they're awfully far away, you're probably just forgetting that the same "hands" that created the sun, the moon, and the stars, are still holding yours, anxious to help. "
Another little bit of Anvil's wisdom coming at me from a different direction!
"when walls close in, skies turn gray, and dreams seem like they're awfully far away, you're probably just forgetting that the same "hands" that created the sun, the moon, and the stars, are still holding yours, anxious to help. "
Another little bit of Anvil's wisdom coming at me from a different direction!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
maybe...instead of seeing it as the DEATH of a dream...it is an EXCHANGE of a dream. we humans, we are scientists, constantly experimenting, testing theories, attempting to prove a hypothesis, or defend a dissertation. remember, once we didn't know how to make FIRE....and while i wasn't THERE, i presume it took more than one attempt to figure it out.
we live, we love, we learn.
how many tries did it take for edison to get the whole light bulb thing? a dream, an idea...with lots of failed attempts. he didn't give UP on his dream, he just retooled it. Michael Jordon tried out for varsity basketball in his sophmore year of high school and was considered "too short" - and we all know how that went!
don't ever give up on your dreams, just retool them!
we live, we love, we learn.
how many tries did it take for edison to get the whole light bulb thing? a dream, an idea...with lots of failed attempts. he didn't give UP on his dream, he just retooled it. Michael Jordon tried out for varsity basketball in his sophmore year of high school and was considered "too short" - and we all know how that went!
don't ever give up on your dreams, just retool them!
Lightseeker
The lifting of the chaos is quite freeing, isn't it? You sound as though you are doing well. Keep up the good work on you--your recovery is shining!
gentle hugs
ke
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It's wonderful to sense the healing in your post, and to feel your faith as you move forward with your life.
And very well done on spotting the red flags. One good thing about the hard lessons we learn, they teach us how to avoid making them a second time.
Hugs
And very well done on spotting the red flags. One good thing about the hard lessons we learn, they teach us how to avoid making them a second time.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: PM me
Posts: 324
Wonderful Light! You sound really healthy...
Your post made me crack up too. Sometimes sarcasm is all we have left
I remember when you were on the fence about leaving him,
It seems like you feel good about your decision.
I can't imagine being MARRIED and having to "retool".
In my experience, dating has been pretty much a joke post a.
I did meet some healthy people, but I like what Kindeyes wrote on my thread, that she had to take "referrals" only because her radar was broken. Clearly, yours isn't...but it's the pull towards those who are unavailable...way to steer clear!
And it's not just addicts...even those who are good on paper might not be a good fit. Good for you. This makes me smile.
Anvil, can you please write a book already!!!!
Your post made me crack up too. Sometimes sarcasm is all we have left
I remember when you were on the fence about leaving him,
It seems like you feel good about your decision.
I can't imagine being MARRIED and having to "retool".
In my experience, dating has been pretty much a joke post a.
I did meet some healthy people, but I like what Kindeyes wrote on my thread, that she had to take "referrals" only because her radar was broken. Clearly, yours isn't...but it's the pull towards those who are unavailable...way to steer clear!
And it's not just addicts...even those who are good on paper might not be a good fit. Good for you. This makes me smile.
Anvil, can you please write a book already!!!!
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