Opiate abuse
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 40
Opiate abuse
Hi,
I think I already know the answer, I'm just looking for confirmation. My X stayed a week with me*.
*He was homeless; kicked out of a sober living home. Yes, the codie I am struggled!
During the week, I observed the following ...
Constricted pupils
Violently vomitting at least twice a day. Appearing to feel fine before and after.
Slept ALL day. Even went to sleep at normal hours the night before.
He had a small hand towel he kept with him in bed ... covered his nose. Drip?
Nodding out
Constipation
After he left, I found a spoon in the trash can. No marks, just a spoon.
Upon returning from running errands and leaving him home alone, there was a weird smell in the bathroom. Like a cig, but not so much. He appeared to be high and sleepy shortly after. He made no attempt to open a window, turn on the fan or spray air freshener. I should also mention he locked both locks on the door when I would leave. He SAID he smoked a cig in the bathroom.
He developed pneumonia 2 days after he left and was in the ER. Or so he SAYS. Never picked up the antibiotic to treat the illness.
Is this someone who is using heroin or could this be side effects to large doses of muscle relaxers-tramadol, somas? He SAID he was popping those two. He has been abusing tramadol for years and this is the first time things seemed way, way off.
He also had ZERO sexual interest. All he did was sleep.
I think I already know the answer, I'm just looking for confirmation. My X stayed a week with me*.
*He was homeless; kicked out of a sober living home. Yes, the codie I am struggled!
During the week, I observed the following ...
Constricted pupils
Violently vomitting at least twice a day. Appearing to feel fine before and after.
Slept ALL day. Even went to sleep at normal hours the night before.
He had a small hand towel he kept with him in bed ... covered his nose. Drip?
Nodding out
Constipation
After he left, I found a spoon in the trash can. No marks, just a spoon.
Upon returning from running errands and leaving him home alone, there was a weird smell in the bathroom. Like a cig, but not so much. He appeared to be high and sleepy shortly after. He made no attempt to open a window, turn on the fan or spray air freshener. I should also mention he locked both locks on the door when I would leave. He SAID he smoked a cig in the bathroom.
He developed pneumonia 2 days after he left and was in the ER. Or so he SAYS. Never picked up the antibiotic to treat the illness.
Is this someone who is using heroin or could this be side effects to large doses of muscle relaxers-tramadol, somas? He SAID he was popping those two. He has been abusing tramadol for years and this is the first time things seemed way, way off.
He also had ZERO sexual interest. All he did was sleep.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Sounds like what I witnessed with opiate abuse.
Is he still with you? If so I encourage you to get him out of there right away, because it is harmful to you to have an opiate abuser in your home, and you are not helping him by giving him a place to stay and use.
Is he still with you? If so I encourage you to get him out of there right away, because it is harmful to you to have an opiate abuser in your home, and you are not helping him by giving him a place to stay and use.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Sounds like he is using. If he is your X I would suggest that you go no contact.
As for having sex with him, good god don't even consider it. Addicts will do anything for drugs and I mean anything.
Let him go, you have no future with him.
As for having sex with him, good god don't even consider it. Addicts will do anything for drugs and I mean anything.
Let him go, you have no future with him.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 136
I guarantee you that he's either shooting up or free-basing (it's when heat a drug in powder form and inhale it) - both methods leave a smell, a faint smell, but not the smell of cigarette smoke. What he's using I'm not so sure about. Could be oxycontin or roxicodone (my bf shoots those, and yes, it disgusts me) - if he's shooting those, then he has to crush them, so look for pill residue in your bathroom - trust me, he won't wipe the counter because he won't think of it. Also, if he's shooting pills you'll probably find little pieces of a cotton ball or q-tip - they use this as a filter when they are cooking the pill. The spoon in the garbage can is a dead giveaway. And I wouldn't be surprised if you find a syringe cap or two (most are orange and you can't miss them). It's amazing how much you learn after you've been with someone who does this.
I'm not really that familiar with heroin, but I know it has pretty much the same affects as oxys and roxies. He could be shooting it or free-basing. If you find a strips of tin foil anywhere, then he's free-basing it.
It seems like he was detoxing (vomiting, constipation, constricted pupils), but if he actually slept at all, then he got his hands on something, probably opiates, and that did the trick.
I know that me giving advice to someone is kind of like the pot calling the kettle black, but I do want you to know that it is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to have any type of relationship with an IV drug user. I am going through this right now and it can be absolutely devastating at times, even worse for someone who is as codependent as I am. I am getting better, finally let go of trying to control him, but it took a very very long time for me to get to this point, and I would hate for someone like you to have to go through the same things I have been through.
My advice would be to get him out of your home before you get your feelings in too deep. If I would have known about my bf's drug use in the beginning of our relationship, things would have gone much differently. But after falling in love with him, after he took care of me when I was ill, I couldn't just turn away. But that was my decision to make and I have to deal with it.
You on the other hand can get out now, before it gets too bad. You have to make your own decisions as well, but if you stay involved, it will only get much, much worse from here.
Good luck to you.
Artist
I'm not really that familiar with heroin, but I know it has pretty much the same affects as oxys and roxies. He could be shooting it or free-basing. If you find a strips of tin foil anywhere, then he's free-basing it.
It seems like he was detoxing (vomiting, constipation, constricted pupils), but if he actually slept at all, then he got his hands on something, probably opiates, and that did the trick.
I know that me giving advice to someone is kind of like the pot calling the kettle black, but I do want you to know that it is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to have any type of relationship with an IV drug user. I am going through this right now and it can be absolutely devastating at times, even worse for someone who is as codependent as I am. I am getting better, finally let go of trying to control him, but it took a very very long time for me to get to this point, and I would hate for someone like you to have to go through the same things I have been through.
My advice would be to get him out of your home before you get your feelings in too deep. If I would have known about my bf's drug use in the beginning of our relationship, things would have gone much differently. But after falling in love with him, after he took care of me when I was ill, I couldn't just turn away. But that was my decision to make and I have to deal with it.
You on the other hand can get out now, before it gets too bad. You have to make your own decisions as well, but if you stay involved, it will only get much, much worse from here.
Good luck to you.
Artist
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: KY
Posts: 62
From my experience with my RABF your X is using. I have had extensive experience, unfortunately, with heroin as that is he is battling now and that is what comes to mind when I hear your story.
If he is sleeping at all then he is using, not detoxing, opiate withdrawls are far to uncomfortable and there would be no chance he is sleeping.
Like you said, I think you know the answer, you are just looking to us to give you confirmation. Now that you have that from us it is time to look out for yourself. People only get kicked out of Sober living facilities for a reason.......
I am in no position to give advice as I am in the middle of a huge struggle myself, and it may be hard for you to think about him living on the streets with nowhere to go, but it will be alot harder to let him stick around and watch him kill himself. And that is exactly what he is doing using IV drugs.
Look out for yourself. You are in my prayers.
If he is sleeping at all then he is using, not detoxing, opiate withdrawls are far to uncomfortable and there would be no chance he is sleeping.
Like you said, I think you know the answer, you are just looking to us to give you confirmation. Now that you have that from us it is time to look out for yourself. People only get kicked out of Sober living facilities for a reason.......
I am in no position to give advice as I am in the middle of a huge struggle myself, and it may be hard for you to think about him living on the streets with nowhere to go, but it will be alot harder to let him stick around and watch him kill himself. And that is exactly what he is doing using IV drugs.
Look out for yourself. You are in my prayers.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 40
Thanks for the responses. I REALLY appreciate the support.
I've posted before on this forum. He and I have been involved for the last 5 years. It has been a boomerang, toxic relationship. I feel like I have hit rock bottom. This is the lowest point for me. I am deteriorating. Thankfully, I am now in therapy. It took EVERYONE in my life telling me, including my parents, they were worried about my well being. I know what I am supposed to do, I just can't find the strength to see it through. I don't want to be without him. I will be so strong and focused and I convince myself I have reached a breaking point ... only to return to the chaos. There was a period of one year without contact and like magnets, we picked up right where we left off. We are officially broken up, but that doesn't mean we are no contact. As of now, I haven't spoken to him in 3 days. I haven't contacted him, either. Typing that sounds ridiculous, but I am proud of myself. I have blocked him from calling and texting and any other forms of communication. I asked him not to contact me anymore and that I was changing my phone #. I also moved in the last week (coincidently). The problem is we have developed a pattern. I know it's only a matter of time before he calls again in a desperate situation and I won't be able to say no or turn my back on him. I will literally cry myself to sleep. I've only said no once and he went to jail the next day.
He called and begged and I picked him up, brought him to my house, fed him, took care of him-loved him. He didn't want to leave. He didn't have anywhere else to go. I said he could stay until he sorted out his living situation and he stayed a week. He did call and try to make arrangements with sober living homes and answered ads on Craigslist, but it was ME that actually made it very comfortable so he wouldn't leave. I don't want him to. I love him so much and I miss him, but I can't live this way! He wants to get back together. I WANT to believe things will be different, but I know better and nothing has changed in 5 years. This guy really is a ball of issues. He just got released from prison (again) a month ago, he is on parole in another city, has no family in this state, no lasting friendships, he can't keep a job, has no car, doesn't have a driver's license because of a DUI, leaves every treatment program or gets arrested. He has no money. Is frequently homeless. He probably won't be free for long. I think the longest was 6 months. The shortest was a month. Seems like it only lasts a few weeks. He was working and appeared to be back on track. Then, he got kicked out of the sober living home. It took me a long time to accept this and be able to repeat it, but I am a codependent and I am just as sick as he is. I have led him to believe that I am going to move him in, marry him, help him and we are going to beat his addiction. I am going to save him! He says I am the only source of joy in his life and he ALWAYS comes back to me. Sometimes in tears, I welcome him back in after he screwed everything up, burned every other bridge. I don't think he can do it on his own. I guess I think that if he is with me, at least he is safe. Same thing when he is in jail. I can sleep at night. When he was in prison recently, he tried to kill himself because the mail was so slow and backed up and he hadn't heard from me in 2 months. Everyone tells me to run. I can't. I feel so helpless and hopeless. I want to help him. Is leaving him the only choice? It's easy to point the finger at him, but I am just as sick, I wasn't in recovery for a long time, I enabled him, I manipulated him, controlled him. I used with him before. Not heroin, but I enabled his addiction. We've tried everything. We even went to church together, prayed together, became hyperspiritual together. He won't even go to church with me now. We are so attached and separation is painful for both of us. We got into a huge fight and I said the most horrible things to him and he said the most horrible things to me. We constantly hurt each other. Yet we both have intimacy and abandonment issues. He says we are so much alike and I agree. No one knows this part of me. I would have to be a little off to be in a relationship with an addict for the last 5 years, right? They say you attract those who are where you are psychologically.
After this last "visit" I came to the conclusion that he is back on heroin. And we haven't had sex in 2 years. He has no sexual interest in me.
I've posted before on this forum. He and I have been involved for the last 5 years. It has been a boomerang, toxic relationship. I feel like I have hit rock bottom. This is the lowest point for me. I am deteriorating. Thankfully, I am now in therapy. It took EVERYONE in my life telling me, including my parents, they were worried about my well being. I know what I am supposed to do, I just can't find the strength to see it through. I don't want to be without him. I will be so strong and focused and I convince myself I have reached a breaking point ... only to return to the chaos. There was a period of one year without contact and like magnets, we picked up right where we left off. We are officially broken up, but that doesn't mean we are no contact. As of now, I haven't spoken to him in 3 days. I haven't contacted him, either. Typing that sounds ridiculous, but I am proud of myself. I have blocked him from calling and texting and any other forms of communication. I asked him not to contact me anymore and that I was changing my phone #. I also moved in the last week (coincidently). The problem is we have developed a pattern. I know it's only a matter of time before he calls again in a desperate situation and I won't be able to say no or turn my back on him. I will literally cry myself to sleep. I've only said no once and he went to jail the next day.
He called and begged and I picked him up, brought him to my house, fed him, took care of him-loved him. He didn't want to leave. He didn't have anywhere else to go. I said he could stay until he sorted out his living situation and he stayed a week. He did call and try to make arrangements with sober living homes and answered ads on Craigslist, but it was ME that actually made it very comfortable so he wouldn't leave. I don't want him to. I love him so much and I miss him, but I can't live this way! He wants to get back together. I WANT to believe things will be different, but I know better and nothing has changed in 5 years. This guy really is a ball of issues. He just got released from prison (again) a month ago, he is on parole in another city, has no family in this state, no lasting friendships, he can't keep a job, has no car, doesn't have a driver's license because of a DUI, leaves every treatment program or gets arrested. He has no money. Is frequently homeless. He probably won't be free for long. I think the longest was 6 months. The shortest was a month. Seems like it only lasts a few weeks. He was working and appeared to be back on track. Then, he got kicked out of the sober living home. It took me a long time to accept this and be able to repeat it, but I am a codependent and I am just as sick as he is. I have led him to believe that I am going to move him in, marry him, help him and we are going to beat his addiction. I am going to save him! He says I am the only source of joy in his life and he ALWAYS comes back to me. Sometimes in tears, I welcome him back in after he screwed everything up, burned every other bridge. I don't think he can do it on his own. I guess I think that if he is with me, at least he is safe. Same thing when he is in jail. I can sleep at night. When he was in prison recently, he tried to kill himself because the mail was so slow and backed up and he hadn't heard from me in 2 months. Everyone tells me to run. I can't. I feel so helpless and hopeless. I want to help him. Is leaving him the only choice? It's easy to point the finger at him, but I am just as sick, I wasn't in recovery for a long time, I enabled him, I manipulated him, controlled him. I used with him before. Not heroin, but I enabled his addiction. We've tried everything. We even went to church together, prayed together, became hyperspiritual together. He won't even go to church with me now. We are so attached and separation is painful for both of us. We got into a huge fight and I said the most horrible things to him and he said the most horrible things to me. We constantly hurt each other. Yet we both have intimacy and abandonment issues. He says we are so much alike and I agree. No one knows this part of me. I would have to be a little off to be in a relationship with an addict for the last 5 years, right? They say you attract those who are where you are psychologically.
After this last "visit" I came to the conclusion that he is back on heroin. And we haven't had sex in 2 years. He has no sexual interest in me.
MIND OF DESTRUCTIVE TASTE
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 744
Coming from someone who has abused different opiates for the better part of 10 years, I do believe your suspensions are correct based on what you've described. He's your ex? He was only there for a week? Don't let him back into your home. He's your ex for a reason, correct? I absolutely wouldn't tolerate that crap ex or not. You don't need someone like that in your home. Like someone mentioned above, I'd check your belongings. Addicts lie, steal, hide and do whatever is necessary to continue their addiction. I'm sorry you are going thru this but you need to put a stop to it for YOUR sake.
-Jess
-Jess
-Jess
-Jess
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by hades 
He also had ZERO sexual interest.
If you were interested, what about this whole deal put you in the mood?
Not looking for answers here....really none of my business
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by iliveforyou
Coming from someone who has abused different opiates for the better part of 10 years, I do believe your suspensions are correct based on what you've described. He's your ex? He was only there for a week? Don't let him back into your home. He's your ex for a reason, correct? I absolutely wouldn't tolerate that crap ex or not. You don't need someone like that in your home. Like someone mentioned above, I'd check your belongings. Addicts lie, steal, hide and do whatever is necessary to continue their addiction. I'm sorry you are going thru this but you need to put a stop to it for YOUR sake.
-Jess
-Jess
-Jess
-Jess
He is my X because I haven't seen any progress and the changes I need to see to take the next step. After his last jail stretch, I told him he would have to show me before I would consider committing to him, investing in him again. Obvioulsy he doesn't take me seriously because I say all of that, but I still let him stay with me. I told him I was seeing other people and he was so upset. I think it's just a control tactic. I don't even think he wants to be in a romantic relationship with me. There is no real affection. He just doesn't want anyone else to have me. I told him my needs aren't being met and I have been more than patient, but nothing changes. I nearly sold my soul to be with him and I am wasting away. So he tells me things like "You're right. You deserve more." A week later, completely different story. I WANT to be with him, I am so in love with him. I just CAN'T. Every couple of months I am reminded why-because he is in active addiction. I believed that he was making progress. He has come clean and told me about his past relapses and his current prescription pill addiction. In prison, he detoxed and promised he would never touch pills again. He had to have pills his first day out. I just wasn't sure he reached out to other drugs. He gets drug tested regularly. I don't know how he can pull it off with parole. I hoped I was wrong and he was just strung out on pain pills. Maybe because he is taking more than his regular dosage? It doesn't make it better, it just doesn't add a new element of heroin relapse. I can't have him using heroin in my house! I thought that breaking up with him would help him hit rock bottom and want to help himself. It didn't make a difference.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by outtolunch
Whoa
If you were interested, what about this whole deal put you in the mood?
Not looking for answers here....really none of my business
If you were interested, what about this whole deal put you in the mood?
Not looking for answers here....really none of my business
I LOVE him. I am in love with him. He is the only one I want to be with. I don't even want to date other people, move on. So naturally, when I see him, I want to be affectionate, sexual. I snuggled close to him, we shared the same bed, watched movies and cuddled. Held hands when we were out in public, listened to music, laughed, joked, talked. I think he is a bright person and there is some compatibility. We had a few kisses, but he was out of it most of the time-heavy eyelids, nodding out. Most of the time he slept and was in bed or on the couch completely knocked out.
It sounds like it was chaos having him stay with me a week, but some moments were nice. It wasn't until I started thinking he was doing heroin, I tried to push him out, we started to argue and I then wanted him out ASAP. I didn't confront him. I started to act different and distant. I'm probably in denial and making excuses for my behavior and his, but I actually enjoy his company when he isn't on hard drugs. Sounds pathetic, right? I asked him to take his pain pills at night. He said "Babe, you know I have back pain, but okay. I will." I rolled my eyes and wanted to throw up because THERE IS NO BACK PAIN, but I went along with it. I compromised myself. I tried to make the visit "normal." Until I realized as each day passed, he isn't normal and what he is doing isn't and this isn't a visit! He was homeless.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
What is your pay off? The man has nothing to offer you. Are you nursing a fantasy of a healthy relationship with this man? Believe me, it's not going to happen.
You will continue to stay sick as long as you continue to live in your make believe world.
What I have read is that no one has been able to get you on the right path, to support your own well being and I honestly don't believe that I can't say anything to you that will make a difference in your life. I wish I could give you the confidence to move forward with you life as I know that you really do hold the power to change your life, and yet you are unwilling to move forward, I do not have the power to change you, to change your life for the better, only you do!
You will continue to stay sick as long as you continue to live in your make believe world.
What I have read is that no one has been able to get you on the right path, to support your own well being and I honestly don't believe that I can't say anything to you that will make a difference in your life. I wish I could give you the confidence to move forward with you life as I know that you really do hold the power to change your life, and yet you are unwilling to move forward, I do not have the power to change you, to change your life for the better, only you do!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I think this could very well be the rest of your life.
I've certainly seen it happen with other women.
They just can't make the break, so they settle for sick dysfunction as a way of life.
I am sad for you, but also incredibly grateful that I don't have to live that way anymore.
I used to.
I've certainly seen it happen with other women.
They just can't make the break, so they settle for sick dysfunction as a way of life.
I am sad for you, but also incredibly grateful that I don't have to live that way anymore.
I used to.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by Freedom1990
I think this could very well be the rest of your life.
I've certainly seen it happen with other women.
They just can't make the break, so they settle for sick dysfunction as a way of life.
I am sad for you, but also incredibly grateful that I don't have to live that way anymore.
I used to.
I've certainly seen it happen with other women.
They just can't make the break, so they settle for sick dysfunction as a way of life.
I am sad for you, but also incredibly grateful that I don't have to live that way anymore.
I used to.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by hades
What was your breaking point? Did you just have enough one day? I THOUGHT I had enough several times, yet I keep going back. I am addicted to him and the dysfunction.
I realized I couldn't stand who I had become.
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