chicory

(((tjp)))

sorry sweetie. he must have a deeper bottom. I will pray for him, and for you and your family. I know this hurts so much, and is frightening. He has to want it, and he probably will. but til then, you gotta keep your sanity. let go, and let God. I believe in prayer.

hugs honey, you are in my thoughts,
chicory

Impurrfect

(((tjp))) - sorry I haven't kept up with this thread, been a bit busy with school. I'm sorry he hasn't hit his bottom, and for all the feelings it stirs up in you. I don't think anyone who's ever loved an addict hasn't gone through the same feelings.

I like what (((Ann))) does..wake up each morning and put her son into God's/HP's hands. I do pray he hits his bottom soon, but regardless, we are here for you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Ann

I just stopped back for an update and am so very sorry his recovery went south tjp.

That doesn't mean yours has to follow, nosirreebob, you hang on harder than ever and know that we are walking with you here, sharing the journey side by side, sharing our light and our tissues and holding each other up when we are too tired to keep walking....we make a very strange sight, I am sure, but what a strong group we are and we are stonger with each step.

Keeping you and your boy in my prayers, God's got room for everyone and he's watching over your son and mine, you can count on that. Not to get religious here, but if you recall Jesus spent most of his time helping the sinners and the sick and if that's what God wanted his own son to do, then I am certain in my heart that He is watching over my son too.

So come sit beside me and let's watch the sunset, it's a lovely night and the world can run just find without us for a while. Oh look! A shooting star...quick make a wish.

tjp613

How sweet, Ann! What a loving post. Thank you.

Thank all of you.

tjp613

Another update: My son called me about 6:00p tonight and said he wants to be done with this ****. He asked if he could come spend the weekend with me to detox, so I said OK. It's been 27 hours since his last smoke and he says the withdrawal symptoms will start later tonight. He's just gone to bed and seems OK so far. Not quite sure what the weekend holds in store, or what will happen on Monday, but for now I'm feeling better than I was earlier today. I've taken his keys, hidden my valuables, and I'll make sure he gets to work tomorrow no matter how crummy he's feeling. Too bad. After work I'll get his butt to a meeting. Sunday he'll need to hook up with a sponsor or I will back way the hell off. Monday, I'll send him back to his own place, I suppose.

I am pleased that he's reached out in this way. Keep us in your prayers.

Chino

(((tjp))) I think it's good he's reached out too... and I hope you're prepared. I don't remember if you've watched opiate withdrawals before but it can get really rough. Please don't hesitate to call 911 or take him to the hospital/detox if it gets scary.

I'm sending you all prayers right now....

EJG123

If he is in severe withdrawal, going to work tomorrow won't be an option. My AD seemed as if she had the worst flu ever when she was in withdrawal.

BeingStill

Opiate withdrawal can be severe. If he's actually capable of going to work, then I'd be highly skeptical that he was really clean. 27 hours since his last fix? And symptoms won't start for at least a few more hours? Doesn't add up.

tjp613

Well, he's not a heavy user, so I think that's why his symptoms are not severe. He smokes it 1-2x a day. Not an IV user and he was clean for 30+ days between Aug 22-September 22+. Hasn't had much time or money to build up a heavy habit.

We shall see.

I think I am prepared, but I won't hesitate to call his dad and get him the hell out of my house if it becomes a problem at all. I am nursing a very bad back strain right now and I don't need this sh*t!!

Ann

I think he's going to be pretty sick and am glad you have a backup plan. I know you would like to see him do all those recovery things this weekend, but if he is a sick as I think he will be, none of them will be possible.

Sending hugs and keeping you and your son in my prayers.

tjp613

He's up, ate breakfast and now he's at work. He's feeling pretty rough and knows it's gonna be a horrible day. He's prepared to take the lumps, he said. He knows I'm nursing a bad back and asked if I had any muscle relaxers and/or barbs -- "that's what they gave me in rehab". Yes, I have both but I didn't tell him that and won't leave him here alone for a second or else he will rummage thru my stuff thinking he can find it. His attitude does seem really OK and swears he is done. I sure hope so, but I understand that there's maybe a 5% chance that he's right. I think he's also here to test me -- see how strong my boundaries are. His dad laid his down yesterday morning. By 6:00p he was calling me for help to detox. I did see he has $60 in his wallet and took that as a good sign. Could have just as easily called his dealer.

Again, not getting my hopes up, but am just trying to be supportive of his effort. At least there is *some* effort.

And yeah, I realize there's a very slim chance he'll be willing to go to a meeting tonight. I'll make one today while he's at work.

Ann

Now there is recovery in action. Regardless of you he is doing, you still take care of yourself and your own recovery.

This is a very inspiring thread, thanks for reminding me that we don't ever put our own recovery aside, no matter what.

Hugs

hope213

just wondering how things are going. prayers up for you & your son.

tjp613

Well, it's hard to say. He went back to his own place last night, but then came over to spend the day with us today. He was sullen and depressed. I just don't think he is done yet. I hate to be so pessimistic but maybe I've just learned to have no positive expectations because I have *always* been let down. How sad.

As they say, more will be revealed.

Thank you for the prayers and good thoughts.

Chino

For someone going through withdrawals, sullen and depressed is a good sign -- just for today. Seeing it up close and personal is a whole different story, though. I'm glad he has his own space and you have yours, for both your sakes. Ongoing prayers for you and yours

Windblown

I think I'm seeing my own future with my as in a couple of years. Is it really a good idea to detox him at your house? We a afraid of our son coming into the house right now because he is dealing and using heroin. And he is taking all his valuables and pawning them.

Is there not a point where you give them a list of detox/rehab/half way houses information and let them find it on his own? I have already started compiling a file on what to do when my son crashes and burns and wants treatment again but my husband doesn't want to shell out more cash for treatment just so my son can get back into the
house. So we are looking at state funded places. We have already sent him to two very nice insurance operated detox centers and in the last one he could have opted for longer inpatient treatment and refused.

Why let them live in my house and cause me worry and heartache if he's not going to get better until he's ready...seems like they need to have no couch to crash on...i mean...o.k. Sorry...but I get a little angry at this disease. I'm not putting myself out anymore to detox my son because he's too freaky for me and may need medical treatment...also they can go into seizures if they are not brought down slowly. I have a right to have a peaceful life I'm not a nurse nor do I want to be.

Tjp...I feel ya. My son's doing heroin too. Smoking it among other things. It's hard to get off of...one of the worst. He may relapse four or five times. These are facts. My heart goes out to you...you are probably telling my future. And I also relate to your wanting to tell that girl off. I went into the street with three drug thugs and screamed at them to get their drug dealing ass$es out of my fu?kin neighborhood! I weigh 119 lbs at 5'7' and have never been in a fight before but I tell you...we Mammas become like bears. It didn't have a great outcome though....because now I am a bit afraid of them...but sometimes anger feels good to rip it out and maybe that girl woke up. I like alanon but I also think too much passivity isn't balanced either.

Angels are surrounding you and your family. They will help. Get some rest...you are loved.

tjp613

I want off this roller coaster for a couple of weeks at least. His dad is going overseas until the 25th, and I have assigned him to a silent ringtone on my phone.

I think a couple of weeks without globbing onto one parent or the other will do us all a bit of good.

recoveringkid

I am a new member to this site and this is my first post. I can relate very much with your story because a few years ago, I was behaving very much like your son. Although opiates were not my drug of choice I used them frequently and know how difficult they are to stop. I am now a senior in college and have been sober for almost five years now. I know what I put my parents through when I was using and understand what a difficult time it must have been for them.

No matter what I did, my parents always seemed to be there to help, regardless of how I treated them. Had they lost hope, I would not be where I am today. In reading your posts, I can see that your having some of the same difficulties as my parents had. I applaud you for continuing to be there for your son and am confident that he will recover. I went to three different treatment facilities and I relapsed many times but something clicked one day and made my fight for sobriety much different. I couldn't have done it without my parents sticking by me through years of hell. Some are lucky enough to have parents like I see on this forum and for those few, our chances of living a good life greatly increase. Thanks and good luck

tjp613

Well, recoveringkid, I don't know. We've tried to be there for him in a million different ways but his drug use only escalates and his sense of responsibility diminishes. I have another child with mental health/addiction issues as well -- she is 17 and currently in a residential treatment center (and doing very well).

I can only be spread so thin before I snap.

I would be happy to continue to support my son in any way possible IF I THOUGHT IT WAS ACTUALLY DOING HIM ANY GOOD. Right now, all I can offer him is my love and prayers.

I am so very happy to hear that you are doing well. It does a mother's heart good.

Oh!! AND WELCOME TO SR!!!

greeteachday

tjp, I really believe that love and prayers are support. Support as a parent of an addict to me does not mean that I do for her...It means that I love her enough to let her find her way. Prayers continue for you and your kids.