Mad4Chaos

The week leading up to my son going to rehab were the worst crisis my family ever experienced. But my ex-wife & knew peace for the 1st time in months that 1st night he was in treatment. We knew where he was, knew he was safe, & knew he was getting help. Hopefully you can take some comfort in knowing the same about your son. I hope things go well for you & your family.

pandypoo

The one thing I am sure of, after going thru this hell for the last 3 or 4 years or so, is it is an extreme roller coaster ride. And even tho they go thru rehab after rehab after rehab.....it still may not be over. So many of our addicts decide they can do another drug or drink or try their DOC one more time and then they are right back on their road.

I will never again let me daughter come home to live with me. I will never go thru the constant search for clues that things are coming apart. I suppose one day she may decide to recover. But if she doesn't, I have decided to.

The book The Lost Years is an excellent book for both sides of the story. Very helpful and it opens your eyes to the fact that it is up to the addict when they want to stop. Didn't realize till the end that the co-author/addict is Kristina Wanzilak who does the tv program Intervention. The story is so similar to mine its scary. I can only hope for the happy ending but am not counting on it.

tjp613

This is how I feel, too. I'm fighting this feeling of dread and hopelessness -- or rather I fight to remain "neutral" and give it all to God.

Got word that his dealer/girlfriend went for visiting hours yesterday (it's a 4 hour drive each way). I want to go over to her apartment and choke the snot out of her and tell her to stay the hell away from my son!!!

I think I'll go to a meeting instead.

tjp613

Talked to AS tonight... he's been in rehab for 11 days. He's only staying there 'cause he's homeless otherwise. He's projecting, blameshifting, whining, quacking, manipulating, blah, blah, blah.

I really don't have any desire to go up for the family program. Been there, done that. Do I have to?

Kindeyes

If you go, do it for you.

Eleven days is not much time at this point. He is gaining tools but it will be his choice to use them......or not.

Let go sweetie......give it over to your HP and know that your son's HP is at work in his life.....even if you don't understand what the heck his HP is doing!

super gentle hugs to you today
ke

Freedom1990

No, you don't have to.

If by some miracle my AD ever makes it to rehab, I sure wouldn't be there for family stuff. I am plum tapped out. I have nothing left to give.

I know for me, when I was in rehab and no one came to see me, it was a real slap in the face that helped me realize just how much I had hurt my loved ones. Today I am grateful for that experience.

Hugs from one mom to another!

tjp613

this is exactly how I feel-- like I have nothing left to give. I feel like I would do more harm than good. And no, I wouldn't be doing it for me -- nOt at all.

Thanks for the support, girls. (((hugs)))

Freedom1990

That's what we're here for, tjp! Take care of yourself hon and leave him to his crap!

tjp613

I would appreciate your feedback on this other thread I had started in the Substance Abuse forum -- especially Post #11 ++

I am getting the word from former addicts that I'm swinging too hard the other way...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post3085068

cece1960

I read the replies tjp and I think for the most part the members understand what you are saying. Just like I will never understand what an addict is feeling, many addicts will never understand our feelings.

To some, it remains about healing the addict...but we know better.

Chino

(((tjp))) I don't get the impression they're aware of your family's history, though you pointed out it isn't your first rodeo. They probably have no idea how serious your daughter's issues are, either.

By the way, when my RAD was in rehab, another patient was in rehab for the 3rd time and fresh out of prison (again). He was about 5 years older than my daughter. He was very personable, incredibly intelligent, and I always enjoyed his company, everyone did. I couldn't wait to meet his parents, but he said they weren't coming.

At first I thought that was terrible and said so. He gave me a warm smile and said they'd been to the others and still went to Alanon. He said there was no reason for them to come and there really wasn't anything they needed to say to each other about it, they'd said it all before.

tjp, please do what you can and should for yourself and let your son do the same for himself

Kindeyes

I also read through the thread. No one (including someone like me who also has an addicted son) can truly understand where you are now and how you got there. As similar as all of our stories are, they are also very different. Everyone, if given the chance to express it, will have an opinion about what we should and should not do or say regarding our addicted sons but you know what they say about opinions!

Personally, I know that I have to take care of me and leave my son in the hands of his HP. If I do anything else, I'm slipping on the slippery codependent slope! It is possible to love deeply without being deeply involved.

gentle hugs
ke

tjp613

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

It's so easy to second guess myself but I really do feel pretty grounded in my decision. It is very reassuring to have your support -- that it's OK to take care of me.

WiltedLily

My heart and thoughts go out to you.

tjp613

Just a quick update -- AS called this evening and sounded sooooooooooo much better. Like a real human being! He's working his 4th Step, making plans for living in a (good) sober house, working in an IOP and thinking about how he will make a living. All positive stuff. 2 more weeks of rehab.

Chino

That is great news and I hope you rest easier this weekend

tjp613

He crashed and burned. I wish I could say I was surprised, but I'm not.

It's a long story how I found out he's relapsed, so suffice to say that he was really good at lies and manipulation before but he's taken it to an all new and higher level now.

I'm not angry with him, I'm just sad and afraid for him. I'm sad for myself and the rest of our family because we won't have him actively in our lives as we had hoped.

I wish he'd come back to us, but frankly I don't ever see that happening. I love him and it hurts like hell.

Thanks for being here and letting me share.

EJG123

Hugs tjp. Having been where you are, I am sorry for you pain and will keep your family in my prayers.

hope213

i am so sorry. i feel your pain. we can wish & hope but by the grace of God only they can want this bad enough to get it. my prayers are going up for your son & for you & your family. hugs, Hope

December2011

TJP613,

"Suddenly my life is falling apart at the seams, and I'll need your support."

You have come to the right place. I came here a month ago, and it has been the biggest help to me, and I hope you will experience the same from theses loving people.

On your kid:

I understand.. I thought my son was doing a bit better till his life went out of control shooting Oxy. They are good at tricking us.

I have made many calls and paid for treatment many times in the past to no avail. My hopes would get up and then let down. I cannot count the number of times. He has had (my AS) many opportunities.. but he is not ready, and I have spent my last dollar as a single mom trying to help him.

I am sorry, if I am not that good at helping. I just want to let you know that I understand how you feel your life is falling apart.

Hugs