Need advice from a recovering addict...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 71
Need advice from a recovering addict...
My AS (DOC is H) is 21. He has been using drugs for 5 years...The same ole story...started slow then on & on....
Anyway he is now in pretty deep (he's been bad but lately he is really bad)... Seems to be sleeping a lot more than usual and when he is not on H he smokes...A LOT of pot...I mean ALOT! He just is getting worse n worse... I want to kick him out so he finally can reach his bottom...
He can barely make a complete sentence most of the time...Just a skeleton and ghostly white...His mind is just a waste...God he was so smart (4.0) and talented
Do we kick him out once and for all and stick to our guns? He is still on my insurance but have done the rehab thing and as much as he liked it ..."he can quit on his own"
PLEASE advice once again
Anyway he is now in pretty deep (he's been bad but lately he is really bad)... Seems to be sleeping a lot more than usual and when he is not on H he smokes...A LOT of pot...I mean ALOT! He just is getting worse n worse... I want to kick him out so he finally can reach his bottom...
He can barely make a complete sentence most of the time...Just a skeleton and ghostly white...His mind is just a waste...God he was so smart (4.0) and talented
Do we kick him out once and for all and stick to our guns? He is still on my insurance but have done the rehab thing and as much as he liked it ..."he can quit on his own"
PLEASE advice once again
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Is it working for either you or him on some level having him continue to live there, seriously?
His addiction is progressing, in spite of being in your home.
As a recovering addict, and as the mother of an addict, I will not take a front row seat to my AD's insanity.
His addiction is progressing, in spite of being in your home.
As a recovering addict, and as the mother of an addict, I will not take a front row seat to my AD's insanity.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: St. Louis, Mo. USA
Posts: 265
Father of an AS here;
I don't think it is appropriate for me to advise anyone for I to am struggling/dealing with addiction. That is for a professional. That is for you to decide.
I will tell You have been dealing with it for 6 years and have learned that no matter what I did he went back to it. A year ago he stole form me and I put him out. I told him not to come back till he sought help and was getting some kind of help. .... Well he did, and a month ago wanted to come back. He got on a MMT methadone maintenance treatment program. Though I was not really happy with the treatment he choose, it was treatment non the less. I let him back in as long as he was working the program and that he was working on him and getting a job. There has always and will always be the rule of no drugs in my house. Everything was good the first three weeks. Then he was sleeping a lot and I got suspicious. I looked in his room and he was back to doing H and other pills. This is life threatening while on methadone, let alone just using.
I threw him out and told him not to return till he was clean for a year. For you see I don't want to be the person to find him dead. I also will not enable him to do the drugs.
( that includes a place to stay, money, cloths,or food. )
It is tough love to the fullest. It is the hardest thing I did in my life. But I have to let go and let God handle it. I truly believe that he will either end up dead or in jail if he does not kick the drugs totally. All I can do now is pray. And hope for the day that my real son returns to me.
I don't think it is appropriate for me to advise anyone for I to am struggling/dealing with addiction. That is for a professional. That is for you to decide.
I will tell You have been dealing with it for 6 years and have learned that no matter what I did he went back to it. A year ago he stole form me and I put him out. I told him not to come back till he sought help and was getting some kind of help. .... Well he did, and a month ago wanted to come back. He got on a MMT methadone maintenance treatment program. Though I was not really happy with the treatment he choose, it was treatment non the less. I let him back in as long as he was working the program and that he was working on him and getting a job. There has always and will always be the rule of no drugs in my house. Everything was good the first three weeks. Then he was sleeping a lot and I got suspicious. I looked in his room and he was back to doing H and other pills. This is life threatening while on methadone, let alone just using.
I threw him out and told him not to return till he was clean for a year. For you see I don't want to be the person to find him dead. I also will not enable him to do the drugs.
( that includes a place to stay, money, cloths,or food. )
It is tough love to the fullest. It is the hardest thing I did in my life. But I have to let go and let God handle it. I truly believe that he will either end up dead or in jail if he does not kick the drugs totally. All I can do now is pray. And hope for the day that my real son returns to me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I can only tell you that I am very grateful that my family/friends and everyone who loved me enough to let me deal with the consequences of a really deep pit of addiction I had gotten into, and figure a way to get back out of that pit.
I have their support, now, in recovery. Should I relapse? I'm on my own. I would still have their love, but it's the love that lets me learn from my mistakes.
I know this isn't easy. I don't have a child on drugs, but I have a niece who is heading down the wrong path. I love her as much as my own child, but she knows my boundaries.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I have their support, now, in recovery. Should I relapse? I'm on my own. I would still have their love, but it's the love that lets me learn from my mistakes.
I know this isn't easy. I don't have a child on drugs, but I have a niece who is heading down the wrong path. I love her as much as my own child, but she knows my boundaries.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 76
How I can totally relate to this post.
WIworrier ...I hear your frustration.
TMZ is so right.
I can so feel the pain in TMZ's post for his son. My husband and I are going through the same thing with our youngest (22) son. He uses just about anything he can get his darned hands on Alcohol...Heroin etc...We've been the suboxone and methadone route and he eventually manipulated and misused both. It is all so very disheartening.
We have had him in and out of treatment... and in and out of our house. Now he's in a 3/4 house and still making bad choices and not taking responsiblity. Of course we are flipping the bill for that and trying to give him the bare necessities. He is expected to get a job and start contributing towards his rent. Finding a job has been a challenge in this economy and especially since he has a felony.
A felony he got while in a rehab....another story. I don't know how long we can continue to do this.
As recently as two weeks ago he broke curfew and was kicked our of 3/4 house for a week, he was broke, so he says. HE WASTED HIS MONEY...so he ended up pan handling and being put in jail for a couple days.
I love my son but I am starting to finally become resentful, my husband is already a few steps ahead of me. The years are wearing us down and now it is starting to be our preservation not just his.
We're tired of spending our hard earned money on his lifestyle. I know we have a choice to stop subsidizing his life choices. I just pray that he will wake up before our generousity is taped out.
WIwarrior the longer your son stays in your house and uses the more he will progress deeper into his addiction. It is so sad because I know you are trying to do the right thing. None of us parents want to put our kids out on the street.
Being a parent it is extremely hard to dettach.
What makes it even harder to dettach is knowing they can't support themselves. My son is smart but so stupid if you know what I mean. He has the brain of an adolescent in terms of reasoning. Sad it seems that many addicts are intellectually smart but oh so stupid. It just goes to show drugs and alcohol do not discriminate.
IDK my husband and I are at our wits end. When and will they ever grow up? Will they live long enough to turn their lives around? I've heard many addicts grow out of there addiction. I don't know if that is a true statement or not.
So many what if's and unknown's so much collateral damage!
TMZ I know how hard it was and is for you to tell your son to not come back for an entire year and the worry of finding him dead in your home. We were so fearful of the same thing happening in our home. The thought is bad enough but to have it happen in your own home...I don't want to even go there. I recall many times going down to my son's bedroom checking on him or driving home worried for what I might find.
WIwarrior and TMZ I pray our Lord will continue to have mercy on our children and bring them to the TRUTH. Father please clear their minds and give them the strength to turn their lives around.
In JESUS name I pray!
WIworrier ...I hear your frustration.
TMZ is so right.
I can so feel the pain in TMZ's post for his son. My husband and I are going through the same thing with our youngest (22) son. He uses just about anything he can get his darned hands on Alcohol...Heroin etc...We've been the suboxone and methadone route and he eventually manipulated and misused both. It is all so very disheartening.
We have had him in and out of treatment... and in and out of our house. Now he's in a 3/4 house and still making bad choices and not taking responsiblity. Of course we are flipping the bill for that and trying to give him the bare necessities. He is expected to get a job and start contributing towards his rent. Finding a job has been a challenge in this economy and especially since he has a felony.
A felony he got while in a rehab....another story. I don't know how long we can continue to do this.
As recently as two weeks ago he broke curfew and was kicked our of 3/4 house for a week, he was broke, so he says. HE WASTED HIS MONEY...so he ended up pan handling and being put in jail for a couple days.
I love my son but I am starting to finally become resentful, my husband is already a few steps ahead of me. The years are wearing us down and now it is starting to be our preservation not just his.
We're tired of spending our hard earned money on his lifestyle. I know we have a choice to stop subsidizing his life choices. I just pray that he will wake up before our generousity is taped out.
WIwarrior the longer your son stays in your house and uses the more he will progress deeper into his addiction. It is so sad because I know you are trying to do the right thing. None of us parents want to put our kids out on the street.
Being a parent it is extremely hard to dettach.
What makes it even harder to dettach is knowing they can't support themselves. My son is smart but so stupid if you know what I mean. He has the brain of an adolescent in terms of reasoning. Sad it seems that many addicts are intellectually smart but oh so stupid. It just goes to show drugs and alcohol do not discriminate.
IDK my husband and I are at our wits end. When and will they ever grow up? Will they live long enough to turn their lives around? I've heard many addicts grow out of there addiction. I don't know if that is a true statement or not.
So many what if's and unknown's so much collateral damage!
TMZ I know how hard it was and is for you to tell your son to not come back for an entire year and the worry of finding him dead in your home. We were so fearful of the same thing happening in our home. The thought is bad enough but to have it happen in your own home...I don't want to even go there. I recall many times going down to my son's bedroom checking on him or driving home worried for what I might find.
WIwarrior and TMZ I pray our Lord will continue to have mercy on our children and bring them to the TRUTH. Father please clear their minds and give them the strength to turn their lives around.
In JESUS name I pray!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Westland, Pennsylvania
Posts: 247
God Bless you all that have to deal with this problem with your loved ones. I know I have been their and my son died my only child. If only they could see what could happen but the addiction is stronger than any parent. I yelled, I cried, I did it all I could not stop trying to get him back. Now I have nothing, I just thank God every day that he didn't get into this until he was about 35 years old after a accident. I had a lot of good times with my boy but the addiction was hard for me to take. It didn't kill me but I though it would.
Be strong and pray,
Love
Maggiemac
Be strong and pray,
Love
Maggiemac
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