How do I confront her?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 14
How do I confront her?
Hi everyone,
I'm new to this site so if I' asking in the wrong area please let me know.
I need help, I'm very confused, shocked, hurt and angry at my adult daughter.
I have just found out in the last few days that she is doing crack and then yesterday I was told she is also doing heroin.
My daughter got into meth about 8 years ago for about 6 months. When I found it in her purse I thought about what to do and how to go about it, and I ended up going to child protection services (which took everything I had to walk in that door and turn in my daughter).
Funny (not really) was that they told me they couldn't do a whole lot because she wasn't endangering my granddaughter because she would always leave her with me and never did drugs in front of her. To say the least I was somewhat shocked that I got that reply.
They did work with me and told me the best they could do was call her in and tell her that they had a report that she was doing drugs and that she had to submit to a test and that they told her that it would be in her best interests to give me temporary custody of my granddaughter.
Though really all I got was an agreement written up by a lawyer that she consented to give me temporary custody for 2years and that she had to have regular drug tests and if she stayed clean for 2 years, otherwise we would extend the agreement. The lawyer advised me that she could write it all up, but legally it wouldn't be recognized by any court. But my daughter didn't know that.. so that was fine with me back then.
A little back ground info.. My daughter and granddaughter have lived downstairs in my suite for about 8 years. My son in law did off and on.. He passed away 2 years ago at the age of 32 from Leukemia.
My daughter got involved with a drug addict and a criminal.. I told her is she chose to stay with him then she had to leave my home. She said fine and did, she moved in with him. I told her my granddaughter wasn't going and that she didn't want to go, she didn't like this boyfriend.
He was going back and forth between my daughter and another women. My daughter has very low self esteem as she put on alot of weight when my son in law died.. as she self medicated with beer and fast food.
This man she is with is the biggest loser I know, he won't work, he goes between the two women when one has money he goes to her and so forth.
I know my daughter could say NO to the DRUGS... but she doesn't want to lose this loser.
So now how did I find out, first I was suspicious of her rapid weight loss (about 50 lbs in 2 months) She had given me her password for Facebook and I decided to check on it.. I found more than I wanted to know..
She and her boyfriend talked about the crack and also about how they stole from me.. My granddaughter and I were in Maui for the month of June. During my stay there I got a call saying that my daughter had broken into my house..
My other daughters and son in laws brand new bikes I had bought for them that were in my back yard were gone. I checked my jewelery and almost all of it is gone, as well as her own daughters jewelery.. For me she took a very precious keepsake necklace that my dad bought me when I was born. Since he is deceased, this has broken my heart.. but here is one that really bothers me... When her dad was getting into his last days on earth here, he asked me to go and pick up some jewelery for him... He wanted to have something for me to give her on her 16th birthday, her 19th birthday, her graduation and most of all her wedding day.. just reminders that he is always with her... My daughter stole all that as well.. I don't understand how she could do that.
So what I need to do is ask how do you think I should approach her about this stealing and about her addiction. She doesn't know that I know yet. One of those reasons is that I'm going to talk to a lawyer on monday about custody of her daughter (my granddaughter) she has lived with me for almost ever and even after her Mom moved out, she doesn't want to go live with her Mom and that was before she knew about the drugs. I followed the advise on how to talk to an 11 year old, and kind of had too, since I told her she wouldn't be spending any nights with her Mom anymore. Of course she wanted to know why, and I told her the truth, her reply was "I figured that".
I cut her off financially a few months ago..
I want to know should I wait until after I talk to the Lawyer to see where I stand on getting at least temporary custody and then confront her once I know that. I want to scream and yell and give her a piece of my mind, but I know that doesn't work.
I want her to know that I will no longer tolerate this and that she's not welcome here unless she wants help. I would support her if SHE want's help in getting clean, but I won't support her decisions to do drugs or be with this loser.
My ex was an alcoholic so I know all about how you can't change someone no matter how hard you try or want too.
So how do I confront her about all this, and about wanting the pawn tickets or what she has done with the jewelry, about her NOT taking her daughter (she threatens that all the time, and manipulates me and her grandmother by using Laina and saying she is going to take her away from me to get her own way)
I need the peace of mind that my granddaughter is under my care legally this time. But I want my daughter to know that I love her, I just can't live with her bad choices anymore.
Sorry this is long and has alot of rambling back and forth..
Any help or advise would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you so much.
I'm new to this site so if I' asking in the wrong area please let me know.
I need help, I'm very confused, shocked, hurt and angry at my adult daughter.
I have just found out in the last few days that she is doing crack and then yesterday I was told she is also doing heroin.
My daughter got into meth about 8 years ago for about 6 months. When I found it in her purse I thought about what to do and how to go about it, and I ended up going to child protection services (which took everything I had to walk in that door and turn in my daughter).
Funny (not really) was that they told me they couldn't do a whole lot because she wasn't endangering my granddaughter because she would always leave her with me and never did drugs in front of her. To say the least I was somewhat shocked that I got that reply.
They did work with me and told me the best they could do was call her in and tell her that they had a report that she was doing drugs and that she had to submit to a test and that they told her that it would be in her best interests to give me temporary custody of my granddaughter.
Though really all I got was an agreement written up by a lawyer that she consented to give me temporary custody for 2years and that she had to have regular drug tests and if she stayed clean for 2 years, otherwise we would extend the agreement. The lawyer advised me that she could write it all up, but legally it wouldn't be recognized by any court. But my daughter didn't know that.. so that was fine with me back then.
A little back ground info.. My daughter and granddaughter have lived downstairs in my suite for about 8 years. My son in law did off and on.. He passed away 2 years ago at the age of 32 from Leukemia.
My daughter got involved with a drug addict and a criminal.. I told her is she chose to stay with him then she had to leave my home. She said fine and did, she moved in with him. I told her my granddaughter wasn't going and that she didn't want to go, she didn't like this boyfriend.
He was going back and forth between my daughter and another women. My daughter has very low self esteem as she put on alot of weight when my son in law died.. as she self medicated with beer and fast food.
This man she is with is the biggest loser I know, he won't work, he goes between the two women when one has money he goes to her and so forth.
I know my daughter could say NO to the DRUGS... but she doesn't want to lose this loser.
So now how did I find out, first I was suspicious of her rapid weight loss (about 50 lbs in 2 months) She had given me her password for Facebook and I decided to check on it.. I found more than I wanted to know..
She and her boyfriend talked about the crack and also about how they stole from me.. My granddaughter and I were in Maui for the month of June. During my stay there I got a call saying that my daughter had broken into my house..
My other daughters and son in laws brand new bikes I had bought for them that were in my back yard were gone. I checked my jewelery and almost all of it is gone, as well as her own daughters jewelery.. For me she took a very precious keepsake necklace that my dad bought me when I was born. Since he is deceased, this has broken my heart.. but here is one that really bothers me... When her dad was getting into his last days on earth here, he asked me to go and pick up some jewelery for him... He wanted to have something for me to give her on her 16th birthday, her 19th birthday, her graduation and most of all her wedding day.. just reminders that he is always with her... My daughter stole all that as well.. I don't understand how she could do that.
So what I need to do is ask how do you think I should approach her about this stealing and about her addiction. She doesn't know that I know yet. One of those reasons is that I'm going to talk to a lawyer on monday about custody of her daughter (my granddaughter) she has lived with me for almost ever and even after her Mom moved out, she doesn't want to go live with her Mom and that was before she knew about the drugs. I followed the advise on how to talk to an 11 year old, and kind of had too, since I told her she wouldn't be spending any nights with her Mom anymore. Of course she wanted to know why, and I told her the truth, her reply was "I figured that".
I cut her off financially a few months ago..
I want to know should I wait until after I talk to the Lawyer to see where I stand on getting at least temporary custody and then confront her once I know that. I want to scream and yell and give her a piece of my mind, but I know that doesn't work.
I want her to know that I will no longer tolerate this and that she's not welcome here unless she wants help. I would support her if SHE want's help in getting clean, but I won't support her decisions to do drugs or be with this loser.
My ex was an alcoholic so I know all about how you can't change someone no matter how hard you try or want too.
So how do I confront her about all this, and about wanting the pawn tickets or what she has done with the jewelry, about her NOT taking her daughter (she threatens that all the time, and manipulates me and her grandmother by using Laina and saying she is going to take her away from me to get her own way)
I need the peace of mind that my granddaughter is under my care legally this time. But I want my daughter to know that I love her, I just can't live with her bad choices anymore.
Sorry this is long and has alot of rambling back and forth..
Any help or advise would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you so much.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: St. Louis, Mo. USA
Posts: 265
Your in the right place!
Sorry for your pain, I know the feelings.
I to am very new to this forum and the handling of a heroin addict. Though I am dealing with a AS not a AD.
I have dealt with his addiction for 6+ years and it has worsened each time. It finally sank in that I cant help him and all I have done just made it worse and is enabling him to keep progressing deeper. It takes professional help, someone other than me to get through to him. It takes TOUGH LOVE. (and that is the hardest thing I have ever done.) It takes them to hit Rock bottom before they decide they don't like there life enough to seek the help they need. I threw him out to the streets again, on wens day. I told him not to contact me till he has been clean for one year. Then we will where his life is.
There is a post in the stickies above that is titled; "what Addicts do" I can't find the link now, they have rearranged them, but it was an epiphany for me. but there are a lot of good reads in the stickies.
Do what ever it takes to save the innocent child.
Nar-anon is also a good support group.
Hope this helps some, I am seeking answers and help myself. I am available if you need someone to chat with.
Be well
Sorry for your pain, I know the feelings.
I to am very new to this forum and the handling of a heroin addict. Though I am dealing with a AS not a AD.
I have dealt with his addiction for 6+ years and it has worsened each time. It finally sank in that I cant help him and all I have done just made it worse and is enabling him to keep progressing deeper. It takes professional help, someone other than me to get through to him. It takes TOUGH LOVE. (and that is the hardest thing I have ever done.) It takes them to hit Rock bottom before they decide they don't like there life enough to seek the help they need. I threw him out to the streets again, on wens day. I told him not to contact me till he has been clean for one year. Then we will where his life is.
There is a post in the stickies above that is titled; "what Addicts do" I can't find the link now, they have rearranged them, but it was an epiphany for me. but there are a lot of good reads in the stickies.
Do what ever it takes to save the innocent child.
Nar-anon is also a good support group.
Hope this helps some, I am seeking answers and help myself. I am available if you need someone to chat with.
Be well
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 104
I'm so sorry you're going through this. One good aspect is you've seen this behavior before - not only in your daughter but in your husband as well. So, you know about codependency and taking care of yourself. Definitely seek custody of your granddaughter FIRST. Legally, your daughter could take her at anytime. And, take her far away for that matter.
I guess the biggest question I have is, what do you hope to gain from a confrontation? You know she stole from you. You know she's on drugs. I understand wanting to get your property back - especially the pieces with sentimental value. With the price of gold what it is and almost every jeweler advertising Cash for Gold, it's unlikely your daughter pawned the jewelry. She would get the biggest bang for her buck by selling it to a jeweler who is going to melt the gold. I'm sorry. As for the bikes, it's possible they were pawned, but it's also possible her drug dealer did a straight up trade.
Change the locks, security codes etc, obtain custody of your granddaughter and tell your daughter she's on her own. She has to make her own choices and deal with the consequences whatever they may be. There are a lot of great threads here about detachment and detaching with love. Check those out and know that all of us here have been where you are. You're not alone. Post here and post often. You're in the right place!
I guess the biggest question I have is, what do you hope to gain from a confrontation? You know she stole from you. You know she's on drugs. I understand wanting to get your property back - especially the pieces with sentimental value. With the price of gold what it is and almost every jeweler advertising Cash for Gold, it's unlikely your daughter pawned the jewelry. She would get the biggest bang for her buck by selling it to a jeweler who is going to melt the gold. I'm sorry. As for the bikes, it's possible they were pawned, but it's also possible her drug dealer did a straight up trade.
Change the locks, security codes etc, obtain custody of your granddaughter and tell your daughter she's on her own. She has to make her own choices and deal with the consequences whatever they may be. There are a lot of great threads here about detachment and detaching with love. Check those out and know that all of us here have been where you are. You're not alone. Post here and post often. You're in the right place!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 128
I would DEFINITELY wait until after I spoke with an attorney before confronting her on any issue. She's the mother and has legal custody. If you **** her off, she has every right to take that child and disappear.
Bide your time. Nothing you do will change your daughter's behavior anyways, so just focus on your granddaughter. Talk to a lawyer. Get educated on a custody battle. Don't stir the waters until you have more information.
Frankly, forget about the jewelry or anything else right now. It's not the first time she's stolen from you, trust me. Missing property is one thing; a missing grandchild is quite another.
Bide your time. Nothing you do will change your daughter's behavior anyways, so just focus on your granddaughter. Talk to a lawyer. Get educated on a custody battle. Don't stir the waters until you have more information.
Frankly, forget about the jewelry or anything else right now. It's not the first time she's stolen from you, trust me. Missing property is one thing; a missing grandchild is quite another.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
If you have not done so, I would file a police report and press charges against your daughter. I am sure she pawned the items, and, generally addicts do the easy thing, use a pawn shop close to where they hang out. I would get a list together, with complete details and any pictures, would take that information with me when I went to the police station.
Filing the report with the law will aid you in your custody issue.
I agree, change your locks, meet with your attorney.
I am sorry, however, what she is doing is very common behavior of those in the throws of active addiction.
Filing the report with the law will aid you in your custody issue.
I agree, change your locks, meet with your attorney.
I am sorry, however, what she is doing is very common behavior of those in the throws of active addiction.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by dollydo 
If you have not done so, I would file a police report and press charges against your daughter. I am sure she pawned the items, and, generally addicts do the easy thing, use a pawn shop close to where they hang out. I would get a list together, with complete details and any pictures, would take that information with me when I went to the police station.
Filing the report with the law will aid you in your custody issue.
I agree, change your locks, meet with your attorney.
Filing the report with the law will aid you in your custody issue.
I agree, change your locks, meet with your attorney.
Agreed on all counts!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by TMZ
Your in the right place!
Sorry for your pain, I know the feelings.
I to am very new to this forum and the handling of a heroin addict. Though I am dealing with a AS not a AD.
I have dealt with his addiction for 6+ years and it has worsened each time. It finally sank in that I cant help him and all I have done just made it worse and is enabling him to keep progressing deeper. It takes professional help, someone other than me to get through to him. It takes TOUGH LOVE. (and that is the hardest thing I have ever done.) It takes them to hit Rock bottom before they decide they don't like there life enough to seek the help they need. I threw him out to the streets again, on wens day. I told him not to contact me till he has been clean for one year. Then we will where his life is.
There is a post in the stickies above that is titled; "what Addicts do" I can't find the link now, they have rearranged them, but it was an epiphany for me. but there are a lot of good reads in the stickies.
Do what ever it takes to save the innocent child.
Nar-anon is also a good support group.
Hope this helps some, I am seeking answers and help myself. I am available if you need someone to chat with.
Be well
Sorry for your pain, I know the feelings.
I to am very new to this forum and the handling of a heroin addict. Though I am dealing with a AS not a AD.
I have dealt with his addiction for 6+ years and it has worsened each time. It finally sank in that I cant help him and all I have done just made it worse and is enabling him to keep progressing deeper. It takes professional help, someone other than me to get through to him. It takes TOUGH LOVE. (and that is the hardest thing I have ever done.) It takes them to hit Rock bottom before they decide they don't like there life enough to seek the help they need. I threw him out to the streets again, on wens day. I told him not to contact me till he has been clean for one year. Then we will where his life is.
There is a post in the stickies above that is titled; "what Addicts do" I can't find the link now, they have rearranged them, but it was an epiphany for me. but there are a lot of good reads in the stickies.
Do what ever it takes to save the innocent child.
Nar-anon is also a good support group.
Hope this helps some, I am seeking answers and help myself. I am available if you need someone to chat with.
Be well
Originally Posted by nerdygirl
I'm so sorry you're going through this. One good aspect is you've seen this behavior before - not only in your daughter but in your husband as well. So, you know about codependency and taking care of yourself. Definitely seek custody of your granddaughter FIRST. Legally, your daughter could take her at anytime. And, take her far away for that matter.
I guess the biggest question I have is, what do you hope to gain from a confrontation? You know she stole from you. You know she's on drugs. I understand wanting to get your property back - especially the pieces with sentimental value. With the price of gold what it is and almost every jeweler advertising Cash for Gold, it's unlikely your daughter pawned the jewelry. She would get the biggest bang for her buck by selling it to a jeweler who is going to melt the gold. I'm sorry. As for the bikes, it's possible they were pawned, but it's also possible her drug dealer did a straight up trade.
Change the locks, security codes etc, obtain custody of your granddaughter and tell your daughter she's on her own. She has to make her own choices and deal with the consequences whatever they may be. There are a lot of great threads here about detachment and detaching with love. Check those out and know that all of us here have been where you are. You're not alone. Post here and post often. You're in the right place!
I guess the biggest question I have is, what do you hope to gain from a confrontation? You know she stole from you. You know she's on drugs. I understand wanting to get your property back - especially the pieces with sentimental value. With the price of gold what it is and almost every jeweler advertising Cash for Gold, it's unlikely your daughter pawned the jewelry. She would get the biggest bang for her buck by selling it to a jeweler who is going to melt the gold. I'm sorry. As for the bikes, it's possible they were pawned, but it's also possible her drug dealer did a straight up trade.
Change the locks, security codes etc, obtain custody of your granddaughter and tell your daughter she's on her own. She has to make her own choices and deal with the consequences whatever they may be. There are a lot of great threads here about detachment and detaching with love. Check those out and know that all of us here have been where you are. You're not alone. Post here and post often. You're in the right place!
I did find 2 pawn tickets in her purse the other day, and I took those, there not for what I think has been taken, but yes someone else told me about the cash for gold thing. I do know that that is the least of my worries, but it's still upsetting to me. I'd rather her have taken my wedding rings than the one locket.
I changed all the locks before I went away on vacation, added locks to my garage door so it wouldn't open, my bedroom door, everything. She broke in through my downstairs suite door (her friend rents it from me) and then broke the lock from the suite into the upstairs area. She then unlocked my upstairs window and she was getting in that way, but my neighbour came over and fixed that and put a board in so she couldn't open it again.
About the custody of my GD.. some people don't agree with me on that, including my sister. She believes that I should hand my GD over to my AD and just let things fall where they may!! Is it me or is that the stupidest idea I've ever heard, and yet it's not the first time. Legally I could get charged for sending a child back into an unsafe environment. How could anyone think that sending a child back into a home that is harmful and I'm not just talking about the drug use (she hasn't used in front of her yet) but she also drinks and has been verbally abusive to my GD in the past. Doesn't feed her, doesn't help with her homework, doesn't hug or kiss her, calls her names.. That's why I stepped in along time ago.
I gave her a place to live, I paid for the food, cable, internet, hydro, gas etc. all I charged her was $400 a month. and I watched my GD all the time.
Originally Posted by cynical one
Did you report the stolen property to the police?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by iwanttohelpher
About the custody of my GD.. some people don't agree with me on that, including my sister. She believes that I should hand my GD over to my AD and just let things fall where they may!! Is it me or is that the stupidest idea I've ever heard, and yet it's not the first time.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
So sorry for your troubles...
I am the mom of and AS, and I'm sure it's alot more difficult being the mother of a AD...my heart hurts for you.
IMO, the first thing I would to is to retain a lawyer. Let them advise you on the charges of theft, when and how to go about it, so you don't jeopardize your grand daughters stability in your home.
If you do end up reporting the theft, it will get the ball rolling, so you have leverage on your side concerning your grand daughter.
I sure do understand the hurt you're feeling. We are now the grandparents of a 29 month old grandson from our AS...who is not a part of the child's life.
Your sisters advice of throwing the grand daughter in the mix isn't unusual to hear from someone who is not familiar with the world of addiction.
Thank God you are able to give the grand daughter unconditional love and stability. You're a wonderful, and caring grandmom.
hugs to you......
I am the mom of and AS, and I'm sure it's alot more difficult being the mother of a AD...my heart hurts for you.
IMO, the first thing I would to is to retain a lawyer. Let them advise you on the charges of theft, when and how to go about it, so you don't jeopardize your grand daughters stability in your home.
If you do end up reporting the theft, it will get the ball rolling, so you have leverage on your side concerning your grand daughter.
I sure do understand the hurt you're feeling. We are now the grandparents of a 29 month old grandson from our AS...who is not a part of the child's life.
Your sisters advice of throwing the grand daughter in the mix isn't unusual to hear from someone who is not familiar with the world of addiction.
Thank God you are able to give the grand daughter unconditional love and stability. You're a wonderful, and caring grandmom.
hugs to you......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by BeingStill
I would DEFINITELY wait until after I spoke with an attorney before confronting her on any issue. She's the mother and has legal custody. If you **** her off, she has every right to take that child and disappear.
Bide your time. Nothing you do will change your daughter's behavior anyways, so just focus on your granddaughter. Talk to a lawyer. Get educated on a custody battle. Don't stir the waters until you have more information.
Frankly, forget about the jewelry or anything else right now. It's not the first time she's stolen from you, trust me. Missing property is one thing; a missing grandchild is quite another.
Bide your time. Nothing you do will change your daughter's behavior anyways, so just focus on your granddaughter. Talk to a lawyer. Get educated on a custody battle. Don't stir the waters until you have more information.
Frankly, forget about the jewelry or anything else right now. It's not the first time she's stolen from you, trust me. Missing property is one thing; a missing grandchild is quite another.
That's exactly what I've been doing is biding my time. I don't want to stir the waters until I have all the information I need.
I've been able to put the missing jewelery somewhat behind me, my one keepsake from my dad (who has passed away) and the jewelry that I was to give to my granddaughter for future events from her deceased Dad is still making me angry. I really am trying to think of what her Dad would want me to do, and I KNOW that it would be just take care of his daughter.. and keep her safe.. and if need be go buy something else to give to her.. I know he would be mad about it, but his daughter would certainly be what he would want me to focus on.
Originally Posted by dollydo
If you have not done so, I would file a police report and press charges against your daughter. I am sure she pawned the items, and, generally addicts do the easy thing, use a pawn shop close to where they hang out. I would get a list together, with complete details and any pictures, would take that information with me when I went to the police station.
Filing the report with the law will aid you in your custody issue.
I agree, change your locks, meet with your attorney.
I am sorry, however, what she is doing is very common behavior of those in the throws of active addiction.
Filing the report with the law will aid you in your custody issue.
I agree, change your locks, meet with your attorney.
I am sorry, however, what she is doing is very common behavior of those in the throws of active addiction.
The ABF also has a criminal record - a lengthy one.
Thank you to everyone for your replies, they mean alot to me. I'm usually a very private person and think I can handle things by myself.. I was a codie (?) and an enabler for along time with my EXAAH, and to my AAD.
does AAD = alcoholic addict daughter.. because she is an Alcoholic as well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by Chino
I see and hear a lot of that, and it always end with "make her be responsible!" It takes some people a long time to realize you can't make anyone do anything, and some people never get it.
I'm like she can't be responsible, she is an alcoholic and and addict (newly) she doesn't care about her.
The only time that my AAD wants to be apart of her life is when it makes her look good and she pretends to care.. in front of certain people she's trying to impress and the absolute lies she puts on her FB statuses. all about the things she does with her daughter, when she does nothing. She hasn't done one thing this summer with her.. not even an hour at the park.
My granddaughter asked her to come for a picnic at the cemetery and sit beside her dad's gravesite.. She was only 8 when he died and he was the second person in her life that she felt safe and secure with. and her mother has only been once in 2 1/2 years.. It hurts her daughter that she won't go with her. I've tried to explain to her that some people just can't handle cemeteries , like her great grandma can't.
Originally Posted by mooselips
So sorry for your troubles...
I am the mom of and AS, and I'm sure it's alot more difficult being the mother of a AD...my heart hurts for you.
IMO, the first thing I would to is to retain a lawyer. Let them advise you on the charges of theft, when and how to go about it, so you don't jeopardize your grand daughters stability in your home.
If you do end up reporting the theft, it will get the ball rolling, so you have leverage on your side concerning your grand daughter.
I sure do understand the hurt you're feeling. We are now the grandparents of a 29 month old grandson from our AS...who is not a part of the child's life.
Your sisters advice of throwing the grand daughter in the mix isn't unusual to hear from someone who is not familiar with the world of addiction.
Thank God you are able to give the grand daughter unconditional love and stability. You're a wonderful, and caring grandmom.
hugs to you......
I am the mom of and AS, and I'm sure it's alot more difficult being the mother of a AD...my heart hurts for you.
IMO, the first thing I would to is to retain a lawyer. Let them advise you on the charges of theft, when and how to go about it, so you don't jeopardize your grand daughters stability in your home.
If you do end up reporting the theft, it will get the ball rolling, so you have leverage on your side concerning your grand daughter.
I sure do understand the hurt you're feeling. We are now the grandparents of a 29 month old grandson from our AS...who is not a part of the child's life.
Your sisters advice of throwing the grand daughter in the mix isn't unusual to hear from someone who is not familiar with the world of addiction.
Thank God you are able to give the grand daughter unconditional love and stability. You're a wonderful, and caring grandmom.
hugs to you......
And thank you for your kind words, as I think I'm doing the right thing for my granddaughter but also for my AAD.. no matter how much she might end up hating me for it.. I'm willing to take that risk to keep her safe and can only pray that like last time the thought of her losing her daughter sends her into detox and getting clean. 9 years ago when she was in meth, that's what got her clean.
It's nice to hear that I'm doing the right thing, when others are telling me I'm not.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
I've been able to put the missing jewelery somewhat behind me, my one keepsake from my dad (who has passed away) and the jewelry that I was to give to my granddaughter for future events from her deceased Dad is still making me angry. I really am trying to think of what her Dad would want me to do, and I KNOW that it would be just take care of his daughter.. and keep her safe.. and if need be go buy something else to give to her.. I know he would be mad about it, but his daughter would certainly be what he would want me to focus on.
Your granddaughter is blessed to have you. Getting her safely into your own custody of her will give you peace of mind, and her too.
I like that idea of giving her something that you purchase, in honor of what her father wished. that is very sweet, and will mean much to your granddaughter.
I am sorry about your daughter. When you have granddaughter safely in your legal custody, it might not be a bad thing for your daughter to spend time in jail, as it will be better for her health than doing drugs that can kill her, and will give her time to reflect on her life.
best wishes, and keep posting. we care.
chicory
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