LiveLaughLove14

So after almost a month sober from his first relapse from percs, my bf admitted hes been using subs. he's been working on and doing 90 meetings in 90 days, has to sponsor and hangs out with guys from AA almost 5 nights a week. I thought he was doing fine until I asked him to take a drug test. we agreed to random drug tests just to keep my head clear. i asked for this just as solid evidence that he wasnt using. He was very undetstanding that he needed to regain trust and said thst he would do whatever it took to prive to me n his family he was staying on track. I told him i wanted to do them not as a way to catch him messing up, but another thing to celebrate when they came back clean. He passed his first one about 2 weeks ago but today when I asked he hesitated. when I brought it up again later on tonight he said hed been using subs for the past few days. Im stuck now. I realize that relapse happens sometimes and he said he was going to sit down w his sponser on monday to tell him but im lost. Im contemplating leaving him only brcause its do much to handle.

I've been supporting his sobriety, not drinking around him or at all for that matter, dealing with his selfishness and working the steps all for what? I feel it all the hard times arent worth it bc he can so easily use again. Ive checked out meetings snd been open on this site. Ive also done alot of 'me' time finding myself and worrying about my inner self. Now i feel like its time to make a choice. Stay and help him through this or quit while im ahead. We arent married, no children so nothing but my feelings for him n our relatipnship are holding me. Im at a loss...

Chino

He quit a month ago, two weeks ago he was clean, but now he's on subs and worried about them showing up in a drug test? Something isn't right with his story. Addicts take subs to replace opiates but if he's been clean, there's nothing to replace. And subs don't show up on my daughter's drug screens, either. Did he take the test?

Regardless, he relapsed somewhere. You mentioned working the steps, but I got the impression you were talking about him doing it. If so, and if you decide to stay, please consider Alanon or Naranon meetings and working the steps yourself. He has his addiction, please don't let him become yours.

dollydo

Whether you stay with him or not, you need to work on you. There is a reason that you are with an addict, and I would assume that you do not want to make the same mistake again.

Meetings were very helpful to me, they really opened my eyes, I will never be with an alcoholic or drug addict again, I value me, my peace and well-being too much.

Freedom1990

This is so very important. Work a program for yourself like you wish he would work his.

An addict can stay clean if they want to stay clean more than use, and they work a program. I'm living proof of that.

It's your choice to stay on the roller coaster or not.

Personally I take a front row seat to no one's addiction, my AD included.

loveforhorses

Livelaughlove, I think you may need to take a little break from everything and think about what you really want and need. Everyone here can give their advise and opinion on your situation, but in reality you are the only one that can make that decision. Sometimes I find a little time, space, and self reflection helps me to come to a decision. Yes he can relapse and yes he can recover. That choice is his and his alone. What you want to do is your choice. Your bf may need an IOP or to go beck to treatment whether a 30 day program or a halfway house. However again that choice is his. It may be time for you to move on. All in all you have to take care of yourself and do what is best for you regardless of what anyone else thinks.
I am sorry you are going through this. My prayers are with you

cc88

yeh.. I wouldn't believe it. My brother just "admitted" to my mom that he was smoking weed. I'm sure just to get her off his case. I know him very well and weed started making him anxious and sick a long time ago. I dont think hed touch it again. perhaps why he started shooting up.

I think in an addicts mind, they think that giving you SOMETHING will make you say "oh. that explains it" and not pursue a further explanation.

I know not everyone is the same, but the way I see it, if hes (my brother) not COMPLETELY clean, its only a matter of time before he was as bad as hes ever been all over again. Also, I'll agree on the "every good little addict knows option 1." They know.

sorry to hear