Ton880

I'm new here. I found this site through Google (searching for people who have dealt with this kind of stuff directly to seek advice).

I'm 25. I live at home. I graduated from college almost 3-years ago and I'm working right now and soon to be in grad school.

Anyway, I went into the basement looking for some super glue and I pulled out one of the drawers from my dad's desk and to my complete and utter surprise, I found myself staring at a razor and a small mound of white powder sitting on top of a mirror. I stared at it for at least 2 minutes. If anything in my life blind-sided me, it was this. I simply couldn't believe it. I just stared and stared at it not knowing what to do at all.

When it finally hit me, I just went back up stairs (passing my dad along the way), took a shower and left. I had to get out for a bit just to process it all.

So after being out for a few hours, I found my mom on the porch. I told her what I found. I asked her if she had any knowledge of my dad being a drug user and she said no. I showed her what I found and when she opened the drawer, a piece of paper was covering the mirror and the white mound was now gone. She was just as surprised when she saw it (the mirror and the razor). So now we're just waiting for my dad to get home.

I've felt like crying all day. I just cannot believe that my dad might be doing cocaine/heroin or whatever that is. Despite my semi-adventurous years in college, I've never been exposed to hardcore drugs. My stomach is in knots and I'm all shaky because it's just so unsettling to me.

What should I do? Like I said, I've already told my mom. What should I expect?

AbbySinthe

I'm so sorry. I know you have to be devastated. I think it's great that you spoke to your mom and that's a really good first step.

The only thing I've learned from having 2 Alcoholic parents is that addicts are AMAZING liars. And if he's an addict, you can expect to be lied to. You might hear it's not his, or he only did it a few times, or he doesn't know what you're even talking about.

Or maybe he'll completely come clean and he's been looking for a way to find help and leaving all that stuff where someone could find it is a way for him to get help without having to ask.

No matter what he says, I'd suggest Al-Anon meetings for you and your mom. Keep us posted and let us know how everything turns out. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom right now.

dollydo

Welcome....sorry that you have to face this issue.

I must agree, your father will lie, that is what addicts do....lie.

You and your mother can become a united front, go to meeting together and learn how to set bounderies to protect yourselves.

Addiction has tenacles that reach far and wide, these tenacles will affect everyone and everything they come in contact with. This truely is a family disease.

Read around these forums, lots of great information on bounderies and not enabling.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

Ton880

My mom told me that she told my dad about what I/we found. They went on a long drive and I suppose that they discussed it all (just my assumption). But what really surprises me is that my dad hasn't confronted me about it. My dad is a HUGE talker (he's a former politician btw) and always uses any opportunity to explain anything and everything. The fact that he hasn't said anything to me about it is kind of weird, IMO.

Also, I feel extremely awkward right now. I don't even want to be around him. I feel disappointed, angered, frustrated, confused....all at the same time. I've gone out of my way to avoid even seeing him at all. Is this weird?

Freedom1990

No that isn't weird at all. You've had a lot to process. I'd feel the same way if it were my parent.

Sending you hugs of support!

mikefreak

The fact he is not talking MAY be a good sign. He might be remorseful & Humbled about this. Maybe he's so ashamed he can't look you in the eyes, much less TALK to you. He has some processing to do himself, I would imagine..............Situations like this needs time for everyone involved to digest until the smoke clears.good luck.

artist83

Ton,

I'm sorry that you are going through all of this. When I was younger, I found my aunt's stash of pot, so I can somewhat relate to how your feeling.

Have you and your dad been close throughout your life? I'm "Daddy's little girl", always have been, and I know that if I had found my father's stash of coke, heroin, etc., he would probably be embarrassed and extremely disappointed in himself. Maybe that's what your dad is going through right now. Maybe he feels like he's a bad father, like he's failed you, and he may not know how to deal with those feelings. Ignoring you is probably much easier for him than having to talk to you about his addiction. And if the two of you have been as close as my father and I have been, it's probably killing him inside.

If I were you, I would go to him, show him that you love him and you are concerned about not only his addiction, but your relationship as well. Talk to him, tell him how you feel, whether it's disappointment, anger, confusion, sadness, etc. But also let him know that he has not failed you as a father and that you will support him as long as he is willing to get some help.

If that goes well, maybe you can suggest family therapy? Since your mother knows about his addiction and has already talked to your father about it, there is no reason for any of you to hide how you feel. Family therapy is a safe environment where all of you can express your feelings with the guidance of a professional. I think this is the best road for all of you to take, but your father has to be willing to do this, and he has to be willing to admit and take responsibility for his addiction.

Hopefully this helps a bit. Good luck and please let us know how everything is going. You've got a family here, and we're always here to listen and help in any way we can.

Good luck!