Chino

I live out in the sticks and about 50% of our tiny community have some kind of addiction. Most are functioning and middle age to seniors. My senior neighbor next door is an alcoholic and so was her husband before he died last year. Her adult children are alcoholics and/or substance abusers, and so are their adult children. There are several families in our neighborhood where it's the same addiction story.

One of the adult granddaughter's came over today, after she started drinking with her grandmother next door. She came to my house to sober up. She fell off the wagon after 3 weeks and was looking for my recovering daughter. She's 37 years old, said she needs sober friends and meetings again. I've personally witnessed the elderly neighbor and her now deceased husband pour drinks for their alcoholic granddaughter, then berate her for losing control. It's pretty screwed up.

She lost her license due to a DUI and everything else, too. She's living in her parents basement across the cove and they are not sober, either. Anyway, since she's reaching out for rides to AA, I'll offer a ride next Tuesday when there's an AA and Alanon meeting at the same time.

Anyone have any suggestions or words of wisdom? I feel like the Universe just handed me a huge test, and maybe my daughter, too.

Ann

Awww, Chino, I sure know the heartache of feeling surrounded by addiction. It's far too common and it's sad.

I prefer activities where there is no drinking, and I'm not an alcoholic nor an addict. I just really dislike the behaviour of people who have drank too much or who use drugs. Sometimes it's hard to avoid it, but the more I seek it out, the more things I find to do that keep me safe from those who indulge.

Finding a hobby, taking a course, joining a club, church groups, going to Anon meetings...all good places to make friends with people who are clean and sober or abstainers.

Sometimes I have to seek it out but my friends today either don't drink, or if they do it's maybe one glass of wine with dinner and nothing more.

I hope your neighbour girl finds the sobriety she seeks. She may have to stay away from her parents at least until she gets some boundaries in place.

Hugs

sojourner

Hi Chino: You might get the best wisdom from somebody on the AA side of things - especially someone who has been in the program long enough to be sponsoring others.

My first response to your post was to step back from the situation. Perhaps you could offer to give this person a ride next Tuesday and then after that they can find rides from people in AA. I could be wrong, but I suspect that an AA'er would tell this person to be ready when the car pulled up, otherwise they missed their ride.

Hope that helps. If not, just forget it.

Chino

sojourner, my initial thought was "don't go there," too!

Then I went through the whole checklist in my head about "doing what I can and should." I shared the visit with daughter when she got home and she was just as reluctant as me, then asked herself what she was willing and able to do to help another seeking sobriety.

We're so far out that the closest AA meeting is a good 30 miles away. Before we got daughter a car, she was only able to get a few rides from fellow AA'ers for many reasons. Time, distance, jobs, etc.

Daughter and I are working on boundaries with the alcoholic neighbor. If it's convenient for us, we'll give rides but only if she's sober. I'll let neighbor know no more visits if she's been drinking, I'm not a sponsor and can't handle it.

A nice little surprise happened between daughter and I because of this. The dual AA/Alanon meeting is in the next town over, and she said whether neighbor goes or not, she likes the idea of us going together and so do I