Mrshall

Well I guess I am looking for support. My husband admitted a problem and wants to go to NA meeting tonight. He wants me to come. I hope this works. What are meetings like ??

loveforhorses

Welcome to SR!

I can't tell you exactly what all meetings are like. What I do know is that usually it is recommended that the loved one of the addict does not go with the addict. There are meetings for loved ones and meetings for the addict. There are lots of people here who will be along soon that may have a different opinion for you and more information on the meetings.
I can tell you that you ahve come to the right place for support. Everyone here has a loved one who is in recovery and/or they have been an addict themselves. It is a very loving supportive community full of good advice.

Mrshall

Well I actually decided to go to the meeting after reading posts telling other family members to go. I told him I was going and he said he wanted to start too. I told him that this was for me and I was happy he wants to go to them too but I thought he needed to go without worrying about me knowing things he didn't want to share. He has insisted he wants me there for his first meeting. I think I am going to try continue to go to meetings until I find a support group for families in my area. Maybe this meeting can tell me where I can find support while he finds help. I have a long story and this addiction is not new to me. I am not ready to share my background, I just want support and advice from where I should go from where our family is now. I am learning the best I can and trying to stop feeling numb to this because this is my reality and my family's reality. Here we go.......... Again. This time I am not accepting the do it myself method he always promised or suboxone. I am determined to stay strong, most of the time. I am glad I finally joined SR instead of just reading

Ann

Welcome to SR, Mrshall.

I'm glad you joined us, you'll find lots of support here.

Enjoy the meeting, my son used to invite me to his meetings when I visited and I got a lot out of them.

That said, I found my own meetings and loved that they were all about finding my balance again and living life in a healthier way. Nar-Anon, Al-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us here find the peace we so badly needed. Perhaps someone at the meeting you attend can tell you where to find one near you.

Again, welcome, make yourself comfortable and know you are among friends who understand.

Hugs

Mrshall

The meeting is tonight at 7:00. I hope this isn't a bust. I hope God intends to really open our eyes. We need answers more than anything. He wants help, but we can't afford rehab. Insurance doesn't cover it. We already paid Out Of Pocket once for Suboxone treatment that obviosly didn't do any long term help. I have set my boundary for the first time with full intentions of following through. He has 2 weeks to figure out where, when, and how he will get the help he needs without my help. This is up to him. If he fails to get the help he needs I am setting up a mediation meeting with a lawyer, which is very painful for me. He is a good person and excellent father. We have a baby boy due in 12 weeks. I am doing my best to put emotions aside and be realistic and rational. We also have a beautiful 2 year old daughter who I will not raise around an active addict. I tried not to show too much sympathy when he broke down last tuesday, and I did not have any advice to offer. This is his battle now, not mine. I will be supportive as long as he is in recovery. I hate it, beacuse as much as it hurt down inside somewhere living in denial, it was nice not having to face the problem. Even though there was no proof the pills were a problem, I knew. My gut told me. now that I have a second child on the way in a short amount of time I must see progress and know there are professionals involved.

A question I have that I need help with though. When I was putting together my final boundary together. I wanted him to find a new job by the end of the year. The main reason being his job is where he is surrounded by his drug. Everyone around him does it and it is the main way he gets his pills. He functions on them, never had a DUI, arrest, or problem with the law. But only becuase he hasn't been caught i think. He is never "drugged out" but the addiction is out of hand and control. He is VERY good at hiding it. Should I put this law down as part of my boundary ?? I know I will never trust his workplace as a place where he can feel safe from his addiction. It is one of the main reasons he relapses s o much when he would try and quit on his own. He is surrounded by it at work. He has a good job and makes fairly decent money (for this economy). But I know it is a recepie for disaster in his situation.

loveforhorses

I don't know what state you live in but I know in New Jersey there are diferent county and state funding sources that will pay for rehab. There are programs where the person doesn't have to have previous/current arrests or DUI/DWI. Also some rehabs do offer scholarships etc. You could pass that info to your husband and then let him do the leg work to find out if that is available.

My thought on the job is that if he is completely serious and totally commited to his recovery he will look for a new job on his own without you pushing. He knows he can't work there and stay in recovery since he has relapsed there before.

I haven't had to set these types of boundaries as my BF was in recovery for 10 mos when we began dating and was working hard on his recovery. He continues to do so everyday.

Mrshall

I live in alabama. I've lived here all 24 years of my life. I don't know much else. I will have to do research but I know last year when he tried to find help all the facility offered him was an inpatient program where he would be gone. And he can't leave work like that. They didn't offer any kind of scholarships and that is when we tried the suboxone. Which didn't help either .