bridgers22

My sister is an addict (has been since she was 14). When she got pregnant with her daughter, she stopped using. But about two years ago, she started up again unbeknownst to the rest of the family. After six months of using, she was afraid she had overdosed (while she had her daughter who was six at the time) and called 911. She ended up being arrested and pled guilty to being under the influence of narcotics and child neglect. We all hoped that this was rock bottom and that she would take the steps to recovery. She complied with all the court required -- unfortunately, that didn't include any kind of rehab. My niece's father received custody (which isn't the best situation for her in the least). Now, my family desperately wants my sister to get custody back, but I'm the only one not sure. No one seems to think it's important that she didn't do any kind of rehab program and only did the least required by the court. She had been clean for over six years and look how easily she fell back. And from the research I've done, meth is one of the hardest drugs to quit because addicts can fool themselves into thinking they're no longer addicted since it doesn't come with the awful withdrawals. It just seems to me that no one else cares for my sister's health -- they're concerned about my niece and just want her to be back with her mother (and, for selfish reasons I think to be able to see her more). The worst part is that my niece is displaying signs of depression. She's crying constantly and throwing tantrums. My concern is that my sister hasn't healed herself yet and the family is just ignoring the problem like they always do. It's so much easier to look the other way than to take the effort. I'm just desperately confused -- I don't know what I should be doing or how I should be acting. I want to help my sister, but I don't know what's appropriate and what's enabling. I just think it's time that I do something constructive and I definitely think I need a support group to help with this, but after researching Nar-Anon I have some concerns. I'm not a particularly religious person (I do believe in God, but not organized religion). I know that it's supposed to be a "spiritual" program and not a religious one, but after reading through the steps and traditions, I have some issues. I'm not comfortable asking God to fix all my problems -- rather than submitting my will to God as step three says, I'd like to take the control to heal myself and make the necessary changes. I don't think God gave us free will so we can turn it over to him, if that makes any sense. I have an innate aversion to just praying for things to get fixed, so I'm worried I'll just automatically block out what the program tries to give me. I want to make it clear that I'm not criticizing the program at all, I just know myself and I think that I'll be unresponsive. Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone knows of any secular programs such as Nar-Anon or has any advice they can give me about the situation. Thanks so much!!

LifeRecovery

bridgers22

I have many loved ones in my life that struggle with addiction though it is more on the alcohol side of the street. I struggled with the idea of Al-Anon for similar reasons.

Until I went to my first number of meetings.

I live in a very religious, conservative part of the country, and am not either of those things. I have found Al-Anon to be a very open, welcoming community where I get to take what I like and leave the rest.

Honestly I have just started to work the steps and am finding that they are helping me to define what does work for me, and it has helped me to be open to my spiritual being in a new way.

One of the parts I like about the program is it is about learning what we have control over and what we don't....but it is also realizing what is yours to do and what is not. I have not figured out what a Higher Power means to me yet, but I have figured out that having one does not mean that I don't have a responsibility in helping myself.

I believe there are secular steps out there to if the wording is what is getting you into trouble. I have seen them posted here before. I also bet someone with more experience will be along soon to help. Best of luck to you.

Kindeyes

Naranon and Alanon go to great lengths to ensure that a specific religion is not represented in their literature or meetings. Some people do object to the term "God" and therefore use "HP or Higher Power" to replace it. HP can be God or the God of our understanding or it can be the group or the universe or nature. Anything that we can think of as being greater than ourselves alone can be our HP. Learning how to take what I need and leave the rest has been a lesson in itself. lol

I'm sure someone will be along who can share a support group that is a bit more neutral on the topic of spirituality. But for me, getting in touch with the laws of the universe have been powerful in helping me change my thinking patterns.

gentle hugs
ke

NoGround

bridgers22,

Secular face-to-face support groups are hard to find. SMART (Self Management and Recovery Training) has a "family and friends" online group on Monday nights: Family & Friends - An Alternative to Al-Anon and Intervention. I have not participated in the group, so I can't give you impressions--am just passing along the information.

I do listen to the SMART Recovery podcasts. So far, there is only one specifically for family and friends, but the ones directed to the addict or alcoholic have been useful for me, too.

My best advice, though, is to keep coming back here. Read all the stickies and as many threads as you can find time for, even the ones that don't seem at first to relate to your situation. There is *so* much wisdom, compassion, and practical experience here.

onlythetruth

Bridgers 222:

The SMART Recovery Family and Friends forum is wonderful. I really recommend that you check it out!

OTT