I need some honesty...or a slap in the face!
 

Oh boy. Yesterday I was so optimistic about the plan to leave my husband. Today...not so much. The way the girls lit up when he hugged them this morning almost killed me! Sometimes I feel like I'm taking crazy pills (no pun intended)...like I'm going to just lose it.
Working 50 hours a week, taking care of a 3 year old and 5 year old, ALL the house work and yard work....blah blah blah.
I'm so overwhelmed at work, and here I am making a post. I suppose my sanity is more important than my to-do-list.
He's still smoking lots of weed, and he thinks he's got it under control because he's taking suboxone instead of snorting oxys. I WANT TO VIOLENTLY SHAKE HIM!!! Getting suboxone illegally to avoid withdrawal from something you say you only did ONCE in this relapse is NOT UNDER CONTROL!!!
I suppose I'm a tad bitter today too :0)
I go crazy arguing with myself as to WHEN and HOW I should leave. I've already found a new place that will be availabe in 2 months, I've got money tucked away...I JUST CAN'T DO IT!!!
Again, somebody just slap some sense in to me!
I mostly struggle with the fact that he's not "bad off"....yet. He's highly functional to the general public (I know better). He's not a candidate for the show "intervention"...we're not there. YET.
Did I mention I'm 98% certain he's cheated on me? Yeah, that too. We haven't touched in MONTHS...I'm surprised he was able to do it with the pills and all....they don't work well with the libido, lol.
After re-reading this I sound like a crazy woman, maybe I am. I don't want to end up like so many of you who have had nervous break downs, full-blown panic attacks, ptsd, etc.
Come to think of it, I think I'm the one who needs a violent shaking!:wild

Your husband can be given visitation, so your children will still get hugs from him.

Living with your husband is not healthy for your children. You need to look at the long term ramifications your children will suffer by continuing to live with an addict. Children of addicts have a 70% change of developing a compulsive behavior, such as addiction, poor coping skills or codependency. It is also has been shown thru scientific studies that addiction is 50% due to predispostion and 50% due to poor coping skills. True? I do not know, I do know that children carry their childhood experiences into adulthood, I had a front row seat to living in a toxic enviorment, and I have paid the price as an adult.

I believe that a child needs to live with a responsible parent. There is no way that an addict can be classified as a responsible person.

The decision is totally yours, and you do not have to make the decision today, just try and keep your children as your priorty, you are their voice, you are their future.

I know how difficult it is, so, take your time, consider all options and when and if you are ready to make a change, you will.

I'm trying to sort certain things out in my life right now. All I can suggest is what has been suggested to me - if your going to make a big decision, take as much time as you need to sort things out in your head so if you make that move -you mean what you say/do and can stick to it. Good luck!

When I was in that same spot as you, I gave (him and) myself a deadline. "If things aren't better by _____, then I will seriously proceed with a separation." And I did. That worked for me.

so exactly what DOES he do again? as his contribution to the household?[/QUOTE]


He contributes financially. period.
Unless you count my looming nervous breakdown as a contribution to the fam, lol

Honey I sooo wish Id gotten my kids out at 3 and 5. I believed they didnt see. They tell me stories of when they were those ages and I sit in awe, did that really happen, why yes it did.
They have a better chance of having a better relationship with him apart, then in it day after day