We Are Lovable - Language of Letting Go
 

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

We Are Lovable

Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay.
—Codependent No More

Do you ever find yourself thinking: How could anyone possibly love me? For many of us, this is a deeply ingrained belief that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Thinking we are unlovable can sabotage our relationships with co-workers, friends, family members, and other loved ones. This belief can cause us to choose, or stay in, relationships that are less than we deserve because we don't believe we deserve better. We may become desperate and cling as if a particular person was our last chance at love. We may become defensive and push people away. We may withdraw or constantly overreact.

While growing up, many of us did not receive the unconditional love we deserved. Many of us were abandoned or neglected by important people in our life. We may have concluded that the reason we weren't loved was because we were unlovable. Blaming ourselves is an understandable reaction, but an inappropriate one. If others couldn't love us, or love us in ways that worked, that's not our fault. In recovery, we're learning to separate ourselves from the behavior of others. And we're learning to take responsibility for our healing, regardless of the people around us.

Just as we may have believed that we're unlovable, we can become skilled at practicing the belief that we are lovable. This new belief will improve the quality of our relationships. It will improve our most important relationship: our relationship with our self. We will be able to let others love us and become open to the love and friendship we deserve.

Today, God, help me be aware of and release any self-defeating beliefs I have about being unlovable. Help me begin, today, to tell myself that I am lovable. Help me practice this belief until it gets into my core and manifests itself in my relationships.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

As a full time codie-people pleaser, I spent much of my life seeking approval in all areas of my life. I needed my mother to approve, I needed my family to approve, I needed my husband, employer, friends, neighbours and even people I just met to approve. And I needed approval all day every day. What a huge burden that was, to keep the "approval" meter just right for everyone.

I was probably in my 40's before I realized that if I led my life well and did my best most days and pretty good the rest, the only approval that mattered was in my heart. Wow, what an epiphany that was. As long as I approved of me, it no longer mattered whether the rest of the world did or not. And the funny thing is, my "approval" rating with the rest of the world stayed about the same, good sometimes, critical others.

I don't have to be perfect. I can even have days when I am far from it, as long as I don't hurt others. I can have happy wonderful days, sad days, grumpy days, and quiet thoughtful days without worrying what others may think.

We ARE lovable. We ARE good people with a sad problem that we are dealing with as best we can. That's good enough. If I don't do well today, I will do better tomorrow or the next day.

Hugs to all the lovable people here. You ARE worthy of love and respect and good things in life. Believe it!

Thanks Ann. Today I needed to be reminded that I am loveable. I am experiencing a sad problem. It's not a reflection of my self-worth.

Thank you Ann for your post. I needed that reminder as well. Hugs to you too!