chaddyboy73

My fiance attempted suicide this past Saturday. She had been sober for 7 months and fell off the wagon. We were on a break at the time, and she spent several nights with several different men "hustling". She called me from a crack house while slitting her wrists.....I immediately called 911 and sent the police and EMS. She is since been in lockdown unit of Hospital, and seemingly hates me and resents my action. She is facing jail time for noncompliance in a previous charge, and her mother and I are pushing for her to do time. She has been in outpatient rehab 8 times to no avail. I feel terrible for doing this to her, and feel like an idiot for believing in her.
I can't help but hope she can love me again after trying to send her away to save her, but fear she will resent me forever. I know this is may seem selfish....but I love her, the real her so very much............but I don't know how to handle this situation. Do I give her space, tough love, or my undying support? Any suggestions please. Thanks for letting me vent.

lauren

chaddyboy by calling 911 you gave your young lady a loving and caring response to her as it is my opinion only that this is a plea for help whether they realize or understand it at the time.
Addiction has many faces and phases..it takes a strong person to make the call..you did well.
There is much to learn on your side to keep focused. I believe that the most important part of dealing with an addicted loved one is to maintain balance for oneself firstly to see that we can only listen and guide when asked but firstly we must have the knowledge to understand.
The stickies will calm you and help you to make decisions as what to do regarding your loved one.
It is a hectic life style if we don't take the time to educate ourselves.
Be well, let the professionals do what they must right now and rest yourself, it will all play out as it must as your young lady will make choices.
It really is in her hands at the moment and you cannot change or control the outcome, all you can do is be proactive and come to understand your place in all of this.


lauren.

Kindeyes

You did exactly what you should have done. You called 911. You saved her life and you can live with that. If you had done nothing, and she had succeeded, you may have had more difficulty living with that.

We can't control other people. We can't control whether or not they take drugs. We can't control whether or not they choose to die. But we can work hard to not react when appropriate and take appropriate action when necessary.

Take it one day at a time....

gentle hugs
ke

MissTara

I agree, you did the best thing for her by calling 911. She may be upset now, but I believe that deep down she knows why you did what you did, and that you care. I have to try to not take things that the addicts in my life say to me when they are under stressful situations. It is the anger and resentment talking from being where they are in their lives at that point.

I would really be focusing on yourself right now. By doing that, and reading the stickies in the forum, reading literature of Nar-Anon, maybe attending some meetings in your area....will all help you cope with this and deal with further situations that may arrise.

I am so sorry you are going through this, I have seen my brother and my ex fiance both in similar situations, and it is never easy seeing them not want to live in this world...my thoughts are with you. Stay strong!

Below is the link to find info on Nar-Anon and meetings in your area...I hope this helps. Please keep posting and reading.

Nar-Anon Home

Freedom1990

These are excellent suggestions. Also read the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie if you get the chance.

You did the right thing.

Now focus on you and getting some healing under your belt!

BeingStill

You saved her life. Period. Don't feel remotely guilty for having done anything to her. What was your option? You did the only thing on earth you possibly could have done.

You ask what you should do. Space, tough love, or undying support? Well, all of the above.

She needs space because this is something she needs to figure out on her own. Right now, you're not only dealing with an addicted brain, but with someone who was attempting to end her life. This is something she needs to navigate on her own, with professionals.

Tough love, to me, is about enabling. Tough love is basically saying that we're cutting someone loose to fall or soar on their own. To make their own choices. To feel the consequences of their choices. It's standing back and allowing a person to navigate their own life. Our addicts need to manage their own lives. They need to learn how to handle things by themselves. If I'm standing there, picking up my ALO every step of the way, then all I'm doing is crippling him.

But he will always have my undying support. The trick is learning the difference between supporting someone and enabling someone.

Keep coming back. We learn a lot from each other.