Are you kidding me?
 

Last night I recieved a phone call from my exabf's sister. A nice lady who became my friend. We keep in touch, sometimes she just needs someone to talk to as she has an 15 year old daughter who contracted spinal menegitis as a baby, is blind, deaf, and fed through a tube in her stomach. She was married to an addict, and gets no child support or public aid. She works in the health care field, and is fortunate to be able to take her daughter with her to work. She has a very tough life, yet never complains.

That is a little background as to what comes next.

So, she tells me exabf is in the hospital, he now has a mixed connective tissue disease, an auto immune disease that is destroying his joints. The doctors say this has come about due to his long term crack use. Ok, he goes to the hosiptal because he is in so much pain, my guess
is that he wolfed down all his pain meds and had non left to make it to his next refill, hence off to the hospital he goes.

So, now he is being given all kinds of tests, the doctors have determined that his liver has some abnormalities, his sister is concerned.

She lives in another state and asks me to go to the hospital and check on him......WHAT? No way, no can do. She was a little upset with me, but she said she understood.

About an hour later the hospital calls, they want me to come there as, he named me as his medical power of attorney...WHAT? Are you kidding me?
Sorry, no can do, I do not accept this responsibility. I am told that I have to provide the hospital with a letter stating that I am refusing to serve in
that capacity. I wrote the letter and high tailed it off to the hospital.

The nurse says there are more tests required, and that he is not capable of making the decisions, he is halucinating. I give them the letter and advise her to contact the family.

Get home, his sister calls , they have contacted her again. She cannot come here and will not accept the responsibility either. I ask about his dad, she says he is drunk as usual and will not come here, has no interest in doing anything.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave, this is just another example of how addiction has tenacles that reach far and wide. And, how my peace has been disrupted once again, all because of addiction.

I am fine, I know that I have made the right decision. I am sorry that he is where he is today, but, he chose this path, and for every bad action, there is a bad reaction. I cannot let him back in my life, and it appears that his family cannot either. I hope that this all works out ok for him, although it doesn't sound good.

I hate drug addiction:c004:

i am so sorry. sometime it seems as if no matter what we do it keeps poping up in our life. you did the right thing. it is not your problem. i will say a little prayer for you,his family & especially him. hugs,

Dollydo,

wow. You are right about the tentacles of addiction. I know that was tough to get through but it sure does sound like you did the right thing. I'm glad that you are not having to deal with all of that.

I work in the Surgical Trauma ICU and every week we have a situation just like that. The people that have alienated everyone do end up being a ward of the state and the medical team is then able to make the decisions for the person. What I have always seen is that this is handled professionally and with compassion. The decision making process is sound and keeps the family from having to feel guilty or responsible. Each of us should understand that this is definitely an option and it happens all of the time.

I'm glad that you shared this....it's a great example of having boundaries that are appropriate. I'm sorry for the exchange with his sister....she has a lot on her but I'm glad that you didn't take on an additional responsibility that is best handled by others.

Sending prayers to all involved.

Thanks Light & CO, yes, when I was at the hospital I did discuss the issue with the nurse. And, when I talked to his sister I explained the ward of the state deal. She was in favor of that...the ball is in her court.

As for his sister, when I was dealing with her brother, she was a great support to me, and, as of now, I intend to remain in contact with her. We do not normally discuss him, it just came up because she didn't know where to turn. Basically she has been no contact with him for the last two years.

You handled this situation so beautifully, dollydo!

This is such a perfect example of taking no action when appropriate and taking appropriate action when necessary.

Well done!

gentle hugs
ke

Dollydo:
I am sorry that you are going through that. This is the only reason that I am afraid to call my exabf's family. I miss them and became friends with them over the five and a half years but I fear that talking to them will get me back into his web.
Good for you for holding your ground and doing what is right for you. Its not your problem to deal with. I love your strength and your reaction to this situation.

Big hugs,

Yes you are and yes you did.

(((((((((Dolly))))))))))

It really is sad for him that he destroyed his health and alienated everyone around him due to his addiction. I'll keep him in my prayers.

You absolutely without a doubt did the right thing. I know you know this. But I'm sure it pulls at your heart strings all the same.

Big hugs to you Dolly...

And prayers for him and his family...

Wow. What a blast from the past. You for sure did the right thing. What a sad, pathetic mess.

(((Dolly))) - you did great, and I understand you wanting to keep in touch with the sister.

On a side note, thanks for giving me another reminder to be very grateful crack is no longer in my life!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Well done, Dolly!! I hate it when hospitals presume WE are the answer to their problems.

You did the right thing. Now treat yourself to some very special "Dolly" time.

Hugs

How crazy is this? Dolly you sure are strong...thanks for always sharing your ESH! I hope you are able to get through this one quickly. ****{HUGS}}}

Oh my, that must have been very difficult for you to do, and I commend you for your strength. You absolutely did the right thing. You are responsible for your own life, not his, and he and his family should have never put you in that situation.

((Dolly))

What a heartbreaking situation!

So glad you have peace in your heart about what you knew you had to do ~ Prayers for him, his family and for you too!

I was a part of my ex's family for over 17 yrs - I still miss many of them tremendously but life changes, people come and people go ~ It's just not good for either side for us to be in contact on a regular basis ~

I'm sure one day they will be faced with something along these lines too - I hate this disease!

PINK HUGS to all!
Rita

I am soo sorry and sad that you had to even deal with this. You made the right choice and I am so happy you are good with your choices! To bring that roller coaster back in your life by choice would be too much.

I am in similar situation with my XAH I had aggreed to take that role as he has little to no contact with all of his family.... Apple didnt fall from the tree with him!!! The only reason I did this was for our daughter and If and when something final happens to him my daughter may need that closure. I had never thought of the state doing it and that my become an option.

Stay strong and big hugs!!!

Wow Dolly, you are a very strong lady and very level headed as well. You crossed that line of NO MORE and NO MORE is what you ment. Boy to only imagine the can of worms that would have opened up if you didn't stick to your guns! Your sister-in-law was probably at her whits end, we all know how are minds can go in every direction when our addicted loved ones are in distress. Glad she was understanding.

wow, after so long...Your very strong and I admire you