crackhelp

Hello! I am 18 years old, and sick of my mom being pushed around by my crack addict father.

I have had a lot of guidance in the past years. My mom, some book I read 3 years ago, and even a visit to a rehab my dad once attended. They all helped me realize some important things, but most importantly, I learned that there is virtually NOTHING I can do to help him get over his addiction.

God only knows how long he has been doing crack, or at least thats what I'm told. I have known for about 4 years ago, I believe. My mom knew for a few years before that.

Right now, my mom (54 years old) claims that she is working on moving out and getting her own apartment, which I fully support, with all of my might. I'm not really sure if that is her real plan of action though, because I can't even imagine how TERRIBLY hard it would be to separate yourself from your husband that you have been married to for more than half of your entire life.

My relationship with my dad has NEVER been strong, which makes everying even more confusing here. We hardly ever talk about anything going on in my life, he never asks, and he doesn't care. I told him that it bothered me that we don't talk about anything deeper than the same old jokes that he always, ALWAYS makes, and he straight up told me, to my face, that he doesn't really care. I wasn't too shocked, because as I sid before, we were never that close.

The reason for this blog, is that I would LOVE if I could get advice from ANYONE about what I should do to help my mother, not my dad. Or if anyone could please direct me to where I could get professional help that would be amazing too.

Thank you SO much for your time, to anyone who actually reads this long thing.

hope213

bless your heart for wanting to help your mom. first just like your dad she has got to want to help herself. the first thing you can do is find a face to face meeting of naranon or alonan. they are a great support team & you can invite your mom to come along with you. keep you can tell her needs to get a place of her own but only she can do it. i am glad you know that you are aware that u can not help your dad.
welcome to S.R. & keep coming back.

hope213

read the stickys at the top of the forum. they will help you also. hugs & prayer,

MeredithD1

hi CHelp...I'm a few years younger than your mom, but I can definitely say that when she has reached the end of her rope with your dad, she will do whatever it takes to move out. Prior to that, you can be encouraging to her to move out, you can be there to carry boxes, all of that, but understand that it is her decision, and it's not your fault if she doesn't do it.

Nar-Anon "F2F" (face-to-face) meetings would be an excellent resource, as is this wonderful SoberRecovery board.

I can only give you ********{hugs}}}}} about what your dad told you about not caring. Even though you knew this, it is still a shocker for him to actually say it. It's heartbreaking. I'm sorry you are left to endure that result of this disease

Impurrfect

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Not only am I a recovering crack addict, but was in love with one who also didn't care about his kids, except for the oldest, who he raised to sell crack. Luckily, that one is back with his mama and doing well.

The meetings would help a lot, SR is a great source of ES&H (experience, strength and hope) and I read a gazillion threads here, when I first got here, finding out I am NOT alone, and saw how other people dealt with similar situations and it was a big help.

I really can't add to what's already been said. When your mom is truly DONE, she will do whatever she has to, to get out of the situation. It's great that she has your support.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

JustAYak

Hi. I had a father that was a heroin addict for all my life, though I'm only 20 years old now. He was also very disinterested in my life, I believe all active addicts are. My mom moved out with my sister when I was 15, she had finally just had enough. My story is a bit twisted, I did not end up going with her (though that was not by my own choice), but what everyone else has said, I will echo... when she's totally fed up, she will leave, there's not much you can do but encourage her. Try and get her to see that she is not safe, that there are many benefits to moving out and if you can, help her any way possible to get out of that situation. It's not just damaging her, but also you too. Perhaps direct her to a support group (Alanon, Naranon), that will surely help her see the light that she cannot control the addiction her husband is riddled with. You might like to join one too (Adult Children of Alcoholics/Addicts is a good option for you in addition to Alanon/Naranon if you would find that more helpful).

I am sorry that you're living with a "father" like this, I know how hard it is.